


The Other Brother

by ArtificialMalfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtificialMalfoy/pseuds/ArtificialMalfoy
Summary: The most Famous Traitor in Wizarding History. That's what Peter Pettigrew is known as. The reason his best friend and wife left behind an orphaned son. But what if Peter wasn't alone? What if he left behind a family, a family who NEEDED him, but yet didn't have him? The story of Zach Pettigrew shows the tale of a boy abandoned by his brother, and in desperate need of assistance. Zach finds it in the rarest of places, in another man, a man he knows he shouldn't want but can't help it. What will Zach do? Let his love take over his life, or focus on helping his friends when times get dire?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes
Kudos: 1





	1. The Prelude

**May 7th 1969**

Sat in a small doctor's office within the confines of St Mungo’s, were two young boys, aged 8 and 9. A doctor sits opposite the two youngsters, with their glasses on the brim of their nose, reading over documents before they adjust their lab coat and talk to the two children. 

“Do you have any other family? A father perhaps? Grandparents?” The doctor asks the two boys and they shake their heads. 

“No sir. We only have each other and our mum.” The eldest child tells the doctor, as his brother pushes his square framed glasses up his nose. 

“Our dad died when I was only a baby, and both of our grandparents died before we were born.” The youngest explains. 

“Well, then I need to tell you something, what are your names again?” The doctor asks. 

“I’m Zach, and this is my brother Peter.” The youngest boy says to the doctor who nods in response. 

“Well, Zach, Peter. I have some bad news. Your mother has something called Dragon Pox. It’s highly dangerous to any who has come into contact with it and will likely make your mother worse very quickly okay?” The doctor explains to the young boys. Peter, the eldest looks down, sitting back in his chair. 

“What can we do to help doctor?” Zach asks sitting up in his chair listening to the doctor intently. 

“You need to prepare yourselves for the worst case scenario. We’re going to keep your mother in for a few days to keep an eye on your mother and monitor the extent of her condition and figure out how long she has left. But unfortunately, it’s highly likely that she may not make it to your next birthday.” The doctor tells the youngest who nods while taking notes of everything. 

“Can we see her?” Peter asks and the doctor nods, leading the two boys to their mothers room. The two boys walk inside, each moving to a side of their mother, Peter to the left and Zach to the right. They take their seats and take their mothers hands as she opens her eyes, giving her boys a soft smile. 

“Hi Sweeties.” Their mother says as the doctor smiles softly. 

“Edith, I’ve told the boys about your condition, they know how bad it could be.” The doctor explains and Edith nods looking at the sad faces on her children. She offers the two soft smiles. 

“Don’t be sad okay? I’ll be around for as long as I can I promise.” Edith tells the boys and they both nod. 

“Zach, I need you to be strong for your brother okay?” The young mother tells her youngest son who nods his head rapidly. 

“Peter, I need you to support your brother. This isn’t going to be easy but you’re the eldest and you’ll need each other.” Edith tells both boys who nod in response to their mothers comments. The mother lets out a deep yawn and the doctor checks her charts. 

“You should get some rest, your children both have beds waiting for the two whenever they decide to sleep.” The doctor tells the family who nodded. The doctor leaves the family alone to have some time to talk and Peter sits down in the chair next to their mother as Zach stays standing. 

“You’re gonna be okay Mum. Peter and I will look after you.” Zach tells his mother, moving her hair off her face and sending her a sympathetic smile. 

“I know you will son, but remember, it’s not your job to look after me, okay? You’re kids, it’s not your responsibility.” Edith tells her youngest son who nods in response. He sits in the chair curled up in it as his mother and brother fall asleep. Zach remains awake, keeping an eye on his mothers monitors ensuring she was okay, vowing not to fall asleep until he knew how long she had left. The young boy stays awake the entire night watching his mothers chest rise and fall, letting his thoughts fill his brain.

**May 14th 1969**

“Welcome home mum.” Zach tells his mother as he carefully walks her inside, carrying her bag over his shoulder. She offers him a soft smile as he helps her to the couch, carefully sitting her down before setting her bag on the counter. Peter walks in after the two, sitting opposite his mother staring down at whatever he was reading. 

“Oh Zach, honey. Can you get me some water?” Edith asks her son who nods quickly, grabbing her a glass and passing it to her, along with her medication. She takes it thankfully before Zach begins unpacking all the medical supplies the two had been given, and setting a note on the fridge with everything they needed to know and the schedule when to give it to her, reading over it and absorbing all of the information. Zach lets out a deep breath running a hand through his hair as his brother goes upstairs, slamming the door behind him. Zach returns to his mother offering her a weak smile as he sits next to her. 

“Honey how much sleep have you gotten since last week?” Edith asks Zach who shrugs. 

“Only a few hours, I’m fine mum I promise. I have to make sure you’re okay.” The young boy tells his mother, who rubs his cheek softly. 

“You should get some sleep, Peter knows what to do.” Edith says and Zach shakes his head. 

“No he doesn’t mum. He doesn’t listen and he doesn’t pay attention. He wouldn’t have a clue what to give you and when.” Zach tells his mother truthfully, who sighs at his response nodding. 

“You really need to get some sleep Zach. I don’t want you falling victim to the same thing that took your father from me.” Edit tells her son who frowns. 

“What do you mean?” Zach asks, confused. 

“Your father worked and cared too much. He worked himself to death essentially. He worked 100 hours a week to make sure your brother, you and I were all looked after. He collapsed of a heart attack when you were one, he was only 24. Just be careful okay? I can’t lose you or your brother the same way I lost him.” Edith tells her son softly. Zach nods kissing his mothers head before she lets out a deep yawn. 

“Come on, I’ll take you to bed. You need to sleep.” Zach tells his mother, helping her out of the chair and walking her to the downstairs bedroom their mother slept in. Once she was changed and tucked in, Zach sets a glass of water next to her bed and she quickly falls asleep. Zach leaves the door open slightly so that he could hear if she called for him, before he begins cleaning the house, setting out all of his mothers prescription in the right order next to the refrigerator. He lets out a deep breath, feeling his tiredness fill his body but refusing to succumb to it since he had so much left to do. The boy heads upstairs and begins cleaning the remainder of the house, leaving his brother's room alone since he knew Peter didn’t like to be disturbed by anyone or anything, unless it was food. Once the house was clean, Zach returned to the kitchen to begin cooking for his family, knowing his mother couldn’t stomach a lot of food. He hears his mother calling for him a few moments later, so he turns the heat off the stove and quickly heads to her room, as she smiles softly at him. 

“Sorry honey, have you seen my glasses?” Edith asks the young boy who passes his mother her glasses from on the set of draws on the opposite side of her room. She takes them with a slight smile before the young boy returns to cooking. Once the meal was complete, he plates it up and shouts at Peter, before taking a plate into his mothers room and helping her sit up before watching her eat, to make sure everything was okay. 

“Are you not eating Zach?” Edith asks and the young boy shakes his head giving her a soft smile. 

“I’m okay.” Zach says softly and she nods hesitantly, taking the rest of her medication she had too as she ate. Zach sits back in the small armchair next to the wardrobe of his mothers bed, tucking his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and setting his head on top, listening to the news his mother had turned on, not being able to concentrate. He excuses himself and goes into the kitchen, cleaning up the dirty dishes Peter had left on the side. Zach feels one of the sharp knives slice his hand and he hisses in pain. He pulls the First Aid kit from out of the cupboard, cleaning the large cut across the back of his hand as blood continues to seep from it. He sighs roughly, running a hand through his hair before wrapping a bandage around his arm tightly to stem the flow of blood, before tidying it up and returning to his mothers room, seeing her asleep. He takes her plate and cleans that as well, before collapsing on the couch, his eyes fluttering shut for only a moment as his name was called once again. He runs his uninjured hand through his hair before returning to his mother, giving her a soft sigh. This was his life now, and he knew it would be until his mother got better, or passed away. And he was prepared for that.

**September 9th 1970**

“Peter! Come down here, you have a letter!” Zach shouts to his elder brother as he collects the post from the door. He sets Peter’s letter on the table before scanning the rest of the letters, seeing the complaints about unpaid bills. Zach runs a hand through his hair setting them on the table with the rest. 

“Anything interesting?” Edith asks her young son weakly who shakes his head, sending her a soft smile. 

“Just junk.” He says softly and she nods, returning to watch her TV, the IV lines pulling from her arms, since her condition had worsened over the year she was diagnosed. Peter comes rushing down the stairs, barreling into the kitchen to retrieve his letter. He rips it open as Zach prepares his mothers food for her. 

“It’s my Hogwarts letter! I start September next year!” Peter tells his mother excitedly. Their mother sends him a soft smile. 

“Congratulations honey.” She tells him and he smiles widely reading the letter thoroughly. 

“They sent a list of everything I’ll need for next year.” Peter says scanning the letter and reading it outloud. The youngest child grimaces slightly hearing the list, knowing it would be expensive. 

“Is everything okay Zach?” Edith asks her son who nods with a fake smile. 

“Yeah mum, sorry. Just got cut on something.” He says and Edith tuts. 

“You should be more careful, you’re always getting cut on something.” Edith says with a soft laugh, before she begins coughing. Zach jumps into action, getting his mother a glass of water and rubbing her back as she takes a sip. Peter excuses himself and goes upstairs, closing his door behind him. 

“Thanks Zach.” Edith says softly and the boy nods, setting her water on the table besides her, checking her IV bags were still at a good level. 

“I know how stressful it’s been looking after me.” Edith tells her son who offers her a soft smile shaking her head. 

“Don’t worry. I’d rather do it myself.” Zach says softly, causing his mother to smile at him softly. 

“I love you Zach. I’m gonna take a nap okay?” His mother says and Zach nods. 

“I love you too mum.” He tells her as she falls asleep. Zach runs a hand through his hair, going to the pile of letters on the table, grabbing his quill and parchment, tallying up how much they owed this month. He sighs once he's finished, reading the large amount on the parchment. 16 galleons, 7 sickles and 15 knuts. He didn’t know how he’d pay for it, but he’d figure it out he always did. Zach thought about the things in his room, realising he could sell some of the things his father and grandparents left him, well what he had left. The boy glances back at his mother, before looking at the stairs, realising he also needed to find money to get Peter’s school books and belongings. He heads to his room, knocking on Peter’s door and telling him he was going out but wouldn’t be too long. Peter lets out a groan as Zach disturbs him. The youngest boy heads into his room, grabbing his backpack and stuffing it with items he’d been left from his family after they had died. He heads downstairs quickly checking his mother and the time. 4:37pm, his mother would be asleep for about 4 hours, he had plenty of time to get to Diagon Alley and back. Zach slings his backpack over his shoulders and begins the walk through the cold rain, walking for about an hour and a half until he reaches the leaky cauldron. He walks inside, seeing the owner Tom watching him softly. 

“Back so soon Zach?” Tom asks the young boy who nods slightly. 

“Yeah… Peter got his Hogwarts Letter and we got a load more bills through the door. I need to go sell some more things to afford them.” Zach tells the elderly gentleman who frowns sadly at him. 

“How much more stuff have you got to sell? You’ve been doing this for 7 months.” Tom tells the boy, moving over to him. 

“I have enough to cover until I go to school. After that? I don’t know what I’ll do.” Zach admits and Tom sighs softly. 

“How about you work for me?” Tom suggests and Zach shakes his head. 

“I can’t Tom, my mum’s getting worse, and Peter doesn’t know where to start with looking after her.” Zach says and Tom sighs softly. 

“He still hasn’t bothered trying to learn?” The gentleman asks the boy who shakes his head. 

“Look, I gotta go before the shop closes. I’ll see you around? You should come over one day, Mum misses you.” Zach tells the man who smiles softly. 

“I’d love to. I’ll see you soon Zach, be safe.” Tom says and the boy nods, walking into the Alley, hearing other Witches and Wizards talking about different things, ranging from Quidditch, to Potions, even to Muggle news. Zach makes the trek down to the specific shop he needed, walking inside and closing the door behind him. He walks to the counter, setting his bag down and ringing the bell. 

“Who is it?” Someone husks from the other side of the door. 

“It’s me, Zach!” The boy calls, and a familiar face appears from the other side smiling at him. 

“Oh hello Zach! I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.” The worker says walking over to him. 

“I know, if I had known I’d need to come back sooner I would have brought more stuff last time.” Zach tells him and he nods softly. 

“So, what have you brought this time?” The man says wiping his hands on the towel around his waist. Zach opens his bag, showing the worker everything he had to offer. The worker takes everything, scanning it all individually for any marks or condition issues before setting it to the side carefully. 

“Well, considering everything you’ve brought is in really good condition, I can offer you 25 galleons for it all.” The worker tells Zach and he lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Perfect, thank you Jack.” Zach tells the man. Jack smiles softly, setting it all to the side and handing the young boy the money. 

“Struggling again?” Jack asks and the boy nods. 

“What happened to the 42 galleons I gave you last month?” The worker asks and Zach sighs running a hand through his hair. 

“Mum took a turn for the worst again. She ended back in the hospital for a few days, I had to spend the last of the money on her hospital bills and food for her and Peter.” Zach tells him and Jack frowns looking at the boy. 

“When was the last time you ate a proper meal, or got a normal amount of sleep?” Jack asks and Zach shrugs. 

“Honestly I don’t know. Look I gotta go, I’ll probably be back next month to sell you more stuff.” Zach tells the worker who nods hesitantly. 

“Be safe Zach, I mean it.” Jack says and the boy nods, slinging his now empty backpack over his shoulders. 

“I will, I’ll see you soon.” Zach says before beginning the long walk home. Once he arrives he opens the door, seeing it was 8pm, knowing his mother would wake in 30 minutes for her medication. He sets his bag by the entrance of the small home and turns the heating on, so his mother wouldn’t be cold, before he begins preparing her medication and new IV bags since the ones hung up were getting low. He walks over to the poles, changing her fluid bags for new ones, disposing of the old ones and setting a fresh glass of water and his mothers medications next to him. He sits down on the couch next to his mothers chair, letting a wave of fear fill his body. What would happen when Peter went to school? Granted it probably wouldn’t be much different from now, since his brother did hardly anything to help out anyway. Would he and his mother be okay when Peter was gone? Would Peter even care about his mother while he was gone? Zach listens as the thoughts begin swirling around his brain, before being interrupted by the sound of his mother waking up. He stands up quickly walking over to her and adjusting the IV’s in her arm. She offers him a weak smile which he returns, before passing the water and medication to her. 

“It’s time for your 8:30 medication mum.” Zach whispers and his mother nods taking it all slowly with big gulps of water to help it go down easier. She closes her eyes again and swiftly falls asleep. Zach returns to the couch and lets his thoughts consume him as he waits for time to pass until his mothers next set of medications in an hour.


	2. Chapter 2

**June 27th 1972**

The sound of my alarm breaks my light sleep, so I turn over and check the time, 7:15am. I rub my face roughly, taking my glasses off the bedside table and sitting up. I sigh deeply before throwing a large hoodie over my body and throwing on some clean jeans and a pair of socks and slippers before heading downstairs to quickly prepare my mum's medication. I hear the doorbell ring so I open the door, seeing the postman. I offer him a soft smile as he hands me the letters and I thank him before closing the door. I set it on the table and finish preparing mum's medication before taking it to her room, seeing her begin to stir from her sleep. I offer her a soft smile. 

“Morning mum. I have your medication here.” I tell her softly and she offers me a weak smile in response. She carefully takes the medication as I hold her glass to her lips so she could take a large drink. I set it on the side and wipe her mouth as she hardly had the energy to do that anymore. 

“Thanks Zach. Did you get some sleep?” Mum asks me, her voice hoarse. I nod softly as I fix her hair for her. 

“I did, I got a few hours.” I lie but she nods believing me. I kiss her head softly as she turns her TV on slowly, and I leave her to watch it and inevitably fall asleep as she always did. I walk back into the kitchin and begin making breakfast for Peter, since mum was being fed through her tubes and IVs. I finish his food and set it on the table calling for him. I walk back over to the stack of post, setting Peter’s letters from his friends on the table next to his food, before reading all of the bills we had, tallying in my head how much I needed to make to pay them. I run a hand through my hair as Peter walks over to the end of the table sitting down and eating. The two of us sit in silence, with only the soft sound of mum’s TV coming through the walls as Peter eats. I see the final letter in the pile addressed to me, so I flip it over, seeing the seal on the back. I sigh softly to myself as I release the wax seal and open the envelope, opening the letter and reading the first few lines. It was my Hogwarts letter. 

“Have I really forgotten my own 11th birthday?” I ask myself silently, before shaking my head and reading the letter. I set it back in the envelope and to the side, before picking up the phone handle attached to the wall. I quickly dial the number for St Mungo’s as Peter is sat in his own world, laughing at whatever he read in his letters. I hear the phone ring through the handset and I press it to my ear waiting for someone to answer. 

“St Mungo’s, this is Doctor Shapell, how can I help?” I hear the familiar doctor say through the phone, causing a smile to form on my tired face. 

“Hey Doctor Shapell, it’s Zach.” I say and I hear her laugh softly. 

“Of course. What can I do for you Zach?” She asks me softly and I rub my face. 

“I need your help.” I admit. 

“Of course, what’s the matter?” Shapell asks me and I glance back at the letter on the table. 

“I got my Hogwarts letter today, and I need to make arrangements for mum while I’m in school.” I tell her and I hear her gasp. 

“Oh Merlin you have! It’s your 11th birthday!” She says and I laugh softly. 

“Yeah it is, but I need to arrange something for mum, either a carer to be with her at home, or to have her readmitted to St Mungo’s whilst I’m studying, and I’ll look after her during the holidays.” I tell her biting the end of my finger. 

“Let me see what I can do okay? I’ll ring you back later and let you know what I’ve sorted out alright?” Doctor Shapell tells me and I thank her before hanging up. Peter stalks up to his room, closing the door behind me and I let out a deep sigh, cracking the bones in my neck as I begin cleaning up. Once the house was again clean, I turn my attention back to the embossed envelope with my name on it, running the parchment through my fingers as I scan over the letter whilst I had some free time before having to give mum her medication. I check the clock, seeing it was almost 9am now. I quickly gather mum's new IV bags and fluids before going to change them for her. 

“I spoke to Dr Shapell mum.” I tell her softly and she nods turning her head to look at me. 

“She’s gonna make arrangements for you for when Peter and I have to go to school, okay? I’ll come and see you whenever I can and I’ll make sure to write, I promise.” I tell her and she smiles softly taking my hand. 

“I know you will son. Just enjoy your time alright? Don’t worry about me.” Mum tells me and I kiss her hand softly. 

“I love you mum, but you should get some sleep. Your meds will kick in soon.” I tell her and she nods, closing her eyes and falling asleep. I turn her TV off so it didn’t wake her as she slept before walking into the living room and tidying up Peter’s mess. I hear the phone ring so I quickly answer it. 

“Hello?” I ask asI rest the handset next to my ear. 

“Hey Zach, it's Doctor Shapell again. I’ve spoken to the director of the long stay ward here. He says we can get your mum a room for the day you have to head to school alright? She’ll be monitored daily and we’ll make sure she gets all her medication on time.” Doctor Shapell tells me and I let out a sigh of relief. 

“Thank you Doctor. I’ll make sure we have a way to get to you.” I say and Doctor Shapell chuckles softly. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll have someone come and get your mother so that you can focus on getting ready for school.” She tells me and I smile softly thanking her. We finish the call after a brief discussion about my mum's condition and I look around the room smiling softly. I run a hand through my short hair as I push my glasses up my nose and begin washing all of the dishes that were left on the counter, before relaxing on the couch for a few minutes. I sigh to myself softly hearing my mum's TV playing through the walls, as Peter turns his music on listening to whatever his friends gave him for Christmas. 

**August 31st 1972**

I look around the large London platform seeing the muggle adults running to and from each platform to their next trains. I follow Peter as he hurries along with his trunk, carrying my own trunk as I rush behind him. I follow him through the gateway between platforms, eventually reaching the other side. I take a long look around the platform seeing other students in their robes as they run around with their friends and board the train finding a free carriage to sit in. I follow Peter to the end of the train setting our bags down as someone calls his name. Peter turns around with a smile seeing his friends and walking over to them. I hang back slightly to let him say hi to his friends. One of the boys look behind Peter, finally noticing me. 

“Who’s this?” They ask him and he turns sighing as he sees me. 

“This is my brother, Zach.” Peter says and I offer the group a soft smile. 

“Nice to meet you Zach, I’m James.” The tall boy with glasses says holding his hand out. I shake it softly and smile. 

“I’m Remus.” The boy with scars on his face says giving me a smile. 

“I’m Sirius.” The boy with long black hair tells me and I shake their hands tightly. 

“So you’re the year below us?” Remus asks me and I nod with a soft smile as we walk towards the train. I look around the platform, my eyes catching someone as I glance around. I direct my eyesight back to the figure, seeing them standing watching me in their black suit and tie. I bite the inside of my lip before letting my eyes connect with theirs, their dark grey eyes with a slight blue hue piercing my eyes, as if they were staring into my soul. I clear my throat looking over at Peter. 

“Hey Peter? Who is that?” I ask him, turning my eyes back to the boy on the platform. I see Peter glance over at me and scoff. 

“What does it matter? Come on, get on the train before it leaves. I’m not missing my seat because of you.” Peter tells me and I nod glancing back at the boy. I give him a soft smile before heading onto the train, following Peter and the other marauders to their usual carriage. They take their seats and I sit in the corner as the group quickly delve into their separate conversations. I listen to the whitters of conversations, not really paying attention to any in particular. I rest my head on the window of the carriage closing my eyes, feeling my exhaustion fill my body before the train begins moving. I steady myself as the train moves from the platform, beginning the several hour journey towards Hogwarts. I indulge myself in my book as the boys sit and talk within their groups, letting the pages fall through my fingers, the wear and tear of use becoming eminent the more times I flicked through. I hear the door to our carriage open and see someone in a Slytherin uniform peeking their head through. 

“Ahh the Morons or whatever you call yourselves.” The student says and the group rolls their eyes. 

“And Pettigrew. Still a little mouse are you?” The student asks Peter I feel my hand twitch. 

“No voice again?” They ask and I finally snap. 

“Leave him the fuck alone.” I say. 

“Zach leave it.” Peter mutters to me and I shake my head. 

“No. I’m not letting him disrespect you.” I tell Peter and the slytherin smirks looking me up and down. 

“What are you going to do about it huh?” They ask and I quickly cast a silencing charm, seeing the shock on everyone’s faces, besides Peter’s. 

“Now, final question, do you wanna continue disrespecting him?” I ask and they shake their head. 

“Smart choice.” I mutter, removing the silencing charm from the student and sitting down again, putting my wand away and picking my book up, flippin back to my page. The slytherin quickly leaves the carriage as the rest of the boys try to process what’s just happened. 

“Why would you do that Zach? You realise how much trouble that’ll get you into?” Peter asks and I roll my eyes. 

“Oh give over Peter. It’s a basic silencing charm, it's the first thing in Spells Grade 1.” I tell him as I flick through the pages of the book in my hands. The boys get into their conversations as James taps my leg since he was sitting opposite me. 

“So tell me about yourself Zach?” James says to me and I shrug. 

“Not much to tell. I’m 11, and Peter’s younger brother. I don’t take any trouble unlike him.” I say and James nods. 

“Do you have any hobbies?” James asks and I laugh. 

“I used to be a flyer, before mum got sick, after that I just kept to my books.” I admit and James makes a mental note of it. 

“How come you and Peter are so different?” Remus asks, getting involved in our conversation. 

“Well, our dad died when I was born, when I was about a year old, and one of us had to step up and provide for the family. Peter tried but he just couldn’t get through it, so I did. I don’t take any drama from anyone.” I explain and Remus nods softly. 

“So what else are you interested in? Besides hexing 3rd years when you haven’t even been sorted yet?” James asks and I smile softly. 

“Yeah… sorry about that? I shouldn’t have done it and I know I shouldn’t have but I wasn’t going to let them disrespect my brother.” I tell the pair who nod. 

“We get it, trust me. So what house are you hoping to get into?” Remus asks and I shrug. 

“Honestly I don’t mind. I know there’s preconceived ideas around Slytherin but I don’t think it’d be all that bad. I’m sure whatever house I’m put into will be where I belong.” I tell the pair truthfully and they smile. 

“How long do we reckon it’ll be before James tries to flirt with Lily again?” Sirius asks the group and the three laugh as James nudges him. 

“Oh hush up Sirius! She’s totally into me! She just doesn’t want to admit it.” HE tells the group proudly and they all roll their eyes. 

“James, you’ve asked her out about 200 times and she’s said no to every single one. If she was into you she would have said yes by now.” Remus tells him softly and James shakes his head. 

“I just know she is, alright. One day she’ll say yes.” James says confidently, causing Remus to roll his eyes. I smile softly listening to the conversations being held around me as I return my gaze to the pages of my book, indulging myself in the words, feeling them come alive in my brain. I smile softly to myself as the main plot point of the book kicks into action, as the hero comes into contact with the future villain for the first time. I pull my left knee up to my chest, resting my head atop it as I read the words inked on the pages, seeing the imagery of the argument play out in front of me. I feel someone tap on my leg so I look up and see Remus watching me. 

“Sorry to disturb you, but we’re at the station, you should get your stuff.” He tells me and I nod softly, stuffing my book into my bag and slinging it over my shoulder as I adjust my robes. I follow Remus out of the carriage, holding on to the strap tightly. 

“What book has captured your attention so well?” Remus asks me intrigued as we walk down the platform, following other students close behind. 

“It’s called A Burnt-out Case, by Graham Greene. It was my fathers it was left to me after he died.” I tell Remus and he nods with a smile. 

“Seems interesting. You’ll have to tell me about it later.” I say and I nod softly. 

“First years follow me!” I hear someone shout so I glance at Remus who nods. 

“Go, I’ll see you after the ceremony. And just remember, no matter what house you’re in, if you have any problems come and find me or the boys, we’ll help you out.” He tells me and I nod smiling softly before following the rest of my year. As I walk along the cobbled path, hearing the other students talk amongst the friends and students surrounding them, I feel someone standing besides me, their shoes clicking against the cobbles. I look over and see the same boy from the platform. I look down again, tugging the strap on my bag tighter over my body, before shoving my left hand into my pocket. The two of us walk in a peaceful silence with only the chattering of those surrounding us, and the boys shoes to break the quiet. I swallow roughly, feeling the beat of my heart race just slightly, and the palms of my hands become clammy, but I ignore it, biting the inside of my lip.

“Get over yourself Zach. What’s wrong with you? You don’t know this boy.” I tell myself inside my head as we approach a set of boats. We carefully get inside and cross the lake. I look around taking in the lights and silhouette of the castle as we approach from the water, seeing it reflect off the surface. Once we reach the other side of the lake, everyone gets out of their boats, setting their torches onto holders and beginning the long descent up the staircase leading towards the castle. I hear the students around us become more excited as we climb, yet I was unable to focus with the boy standing next to me. I clear my throat as we finally reach the top, standing at the back of a large crowd of students, who were standing before a woman a few steps above us with her green hat atop her head. 

“Welcome first years, to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now, before we can go any further and you can begin your classes, you must be sorted into your houses. Whilst you are here, your houses will be your family. They will be there for you when you are struggling, and they will be there to celebrate with you over your victories. However, your houses will also gain and lose house points depending on the things you do. Rule-breaking will lose you points, following the rules and setting a good example, going out of your way will earn them. Now, if you’ll follow me, we’re ready for you.” The woman says and we all begin following her as the doors to a large hall open up in front of us. We walk inside and I look around the room, seeing the floating candles lining the walls. I see Peter and his friends watching me and the other students as we walk to the front of the hall towards and old stool and a tattered hat. Before us was a podium and the woman from outside. 

“Now, when I call your name, step forward and you will be sorted. Alex Matthews?” The woman calls out and the student walks forward, taking their seat on the stool and the hat being placed on their head. 

“Hufflepuff!” The hat calls out and the table to the far left of the room begins to cheer. The student walks over to them, being congratulated and welcomed by the students already sat there. The rest of their class gets sorted before the woman at the front re-rolls the parchment in her hands to see the rest of the names. 

“Regulus Black?” She calls out and I see the boy besides me begin to move. Regulus Black? I think to myself. The boy walks to the front of the hall and I turn around seeing Sirius looking and listening intently, sitting forward in his seat. 

“Slytherin!” The hat calls, and I see a small smirk appear on the boy's face as he begins the walk to the Slytherin table. I turn back to Sirius and see the deflated look on his face, as he hides his face in his hands whilst James rubs his bag, telling him something I couldn’t make out. 

“Zach Pettigrew?” The woman calls and I turn back to her. I see the remaining students of my year looking around and I begin making my way to the front of the hall. I let out a deep breath, approaching the steps rubbing my hands on the ends of my robes. I take a seat on the stool on the wood, gripping the edge of the stool tightly. I feel the hat being placed on my head and I close my eyes letting a deep breath out as the hat talks softly. 

“Gryffindor!” The hat calls and I let out a sigh of relief. I hear a loud cheer from the Gryffindor table as I open my eyes, seeing Remus, Sirius and James cheering loudly standing up. I smile softly getting off the stool and walking over to the table sitting besides Remus who pats my back softly. I smile at the trio who congratulate me, but I look up and see the annoyance on Peter’s face, so I sink into my chair slightly. I feel someone’s eyes on me so I look around trying to find them, glancing over the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables not seeing anyone watching me, so I turn and look over the Slytherin table, eventually finding the eyes of Regulus, watching me carefully. I bite my lip softly and offer him a soft smile, which he returns for a second before shaking his head looking away and returning to his conversation with his table. I look down slightly before hearing someone talking to James. 

“No Potter. Leave me alone.” I hear someone say but I pay no attention to it as I pull my book out of my bag, flipping to the page I was in the process of reading. 

“Graham Greene!?” I hear someone ask me and I look up. I see another Gryffindor student watching me with wide eyes. I nod to them and they smile widely. 

“I love Graham Greene!” The student says and I smile. 

“Seriously?” I ask and they nod. 

“My grandpa left me his collection of books to me after he passed away.” They say and I smile, holding my hand out. 

“Zach Pettigrew.” I say with a smile and they shake my hand. 

“Lucy Jones.” The student tells me. 

“What’s your favourite Greene book?” I ask her and she pulls one from her bag. 

“The Heart of the Affair.” Lucy tells me, passing me the book. I smile and read the back of it. 

“Yeah, my uncle used to read this to me.” I say with a laugh running my fingers over the spine of the book before passing it back to her. I listen to Lucy as she talks about the other books she had in her collection smiling as she mentions ones I’ve read. 

“What are you two talking about?” I hear James ask me and I smile looking at him. 

“Graham Greene.” I tell James and he raises his eyebrow confused. 

“A Muggle Author. He does great work.” Lucy tells him and he nods. 

“Oh, James, this is Lucy, Lucy this is James. James is a second year, he’s friends with my brother.” I tell Lucy and she nods shaking his hand. 

“Nice to meet you James.” Lucy says and James nods with a smile. 

“Come on, we better get to the dorms, McGonagall is watching us.” James tells us and we nod picking up our belongings. I wait behind for Lucy as she pulls her robe on. The pair of us walk out of the Great Hall talking about the different books we had read, recommending ones for each other as we walk along the long corridors, following the trio and Peter on the walk to the common room. I laugh softly hearing the analogy Lucy had used to summarise one of the book recommendations she had read. Once we arrive into the common room we look around taking in the view before Remus sets his hand on my shoulder. 

“We better head up to the dorms and get some rest, classes start early tomorrow.” Remus tells me and I nod. 

“I’ll see you in the morning?” I ask Lucy and she nods. 

“I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll grab the books I recommended for you and I’ll pass you them at Breakfast.” Lucy tells me. 

“Oh, I don’t eat breakfast. I’ll see you in charms at 11?” I suggest and she nods. We say goodnight and head up to our own dorms. I walk inside, looking around the dorm room seeing the other students buzzing about things that they had found. I smile softly heading to the empty bed in the corner and sitting on the bed looking around the room, before quickly changing into my pajamas and getting into bed, setting my glasses on the bedside table next to me, before closing my eyes and falling asleep.


	3. The First Meeting

**September 1st 1972**

I walk down the corridors of the castle, holding my books close to my chest as I walk besides Lucy, the two of us making our way to separate classes. We arrive outside the Dark Arts classroom and I stop for her. 

“I’ll see you at 11?” I ask softly and she nods with a smile. 

“Of course! Good luck in Potions!” She tells me and I smile walking away and heading towards the basement. I travel down the stairs, listening to the sound of my feet hitting the steps as I hum to myself softly. I arrive at the potions classroom pushing the door in and walking towards the corner of the classroom, setting my bag on the table and pulling out my parchment, quill and textbook. I flip my textbook open, finding the chapter on Wiggenweld potion and beginning my reading. I hear the professor walk over and glance over my shoulder seeing the work I had already done. 

“You’re a keen potion maker?” He asks me and I nod with a smile. 

“Yes professor. I want to make potions for St Mungo’s.” I tell him and he smiles. 

“Then we shall get along.” The professor tells me, walking back to the chalkboard at the front of the classroom. I smile softly as the rest of the class enters the room, taking their seats within their groups. I look up and pay attention to the chalkboard as I see the boy from the platform walk over and sit opposite me on the empty table. I try not to pay attention to him, trying to focus on my work and not let my brain distract me. 

“Good morning class. I’m Professor Slughorn, and I’ll be your potions teacher for your time here. Now, not all of you will possess the ability to make potions and not all of you will get the best grades here. But for those of you that do, I can help you advance in ways you would not imagine.” Professor Slughorn tells us and I smile softly listening to him. 

“For this class I want you guys to follow your textbooks and brew the best potion you can, I’ll judge you by the end of the class and grade your basic potion skills. From there I’ll assess what you should be learning as you will not be learning the same things. “Ok so you’ll work in pairs, and you’ll work with the person you sit next too.” Slughorn tells us and I glance up at the boy seeing him smile at me softly. I make notes as Slughorn talks before opening the textbook and making a list of ingredients and weights. I stand up with my list of ingredients, collecting and weighing them all as I cross them off the list, before carrying them back to the table and setting them besides the cauldron that was in the centre of my desk. The boy sitting opposite me stays quiet, seemingly watching everything I did with his grey eyes. I swallow roughly as I skim read the extract of the textbook, absorbing all the information I needed to ensure the potion was done correctly, trying to ensure my brain wasn’t drifting off to the boy sat watching me. “What was his deal anyway? Why does he just sit in silence, why isn’t he doing something?” I ask myself internally, before shaking my head slightly, carefully putting the correct ingredients into the cauldron, stirring it clockwise twice, before adding the blood we needed. 

“You don’t say much do you?” I hear the boy in front of me ask. I shake my head glancing at him slightly. 

“N-no. Not really.” I stutter out, cursing myself internally for stuttering in front of him. I see the boy nod and smile, a soft laugh tearing from his lips, travelling into my ears and embedding itself in my brain, like a never ending song, stuck on repeat. I smile slightly before turning my attention back to the potion, trying to ignore the feeling in my stomach. I clear my throat as I finish the potion, stirring it carefully. Professor Slughorn walks over to our table, stirring the potion himself and flasking it, to check if it was correct. He gives me a wide smile. 

“You really do have an art for potions. You’re the only group to get it correct. You two can leave, I’ll see you tomorrow for class.” Slughorn tells us and I nod with a smile, before emptying the potion and cleaning the cauldron, as the boy begins tidying our table up. Once I had cleaned the cauldron and set it to the side with the rest, I head back to the table to pack my belongings, seeing them stacked up neatly, while the boy stands in front of me. I offer him a soft smile before tossing my bag over my shoulder and leaving the classroom. I let out a deep breath, running a hand through my hair before I hear someone running behind me, catching up and standing besides me. I glance up and see the boy walking besides me, his hands stuffed into his pockets. 

“I’m Regulus. Regulus Black.” He tells me and I nod with a smile. 

“Yeah… I erm. I remember from last night, from the ceremony.” I mutter and he nods with a smile. 

“I’m Zach, Zach Pettigrew.” I tell him after a few seconds, mentally hitting myself for being so awkward. 

“So you’re the first year that hexed a 3rd year?” He asks with a laugh and I shrug, rubbing the back of my neck. 

“I guess? I didn’t really think, I just did.” I admit and he nods with a smile. 

“Well I’m glad you don’t take any shit from anyone. I gotta get to Dark Arts, but I’ll see you around?” Regulus asks me and I nod slightly. 

“I’ll see you around.” I tell him and he begins to walk off. 

“Oh! Before I forget, thanks for making the potion in class, I didn’t have a clue where to start.” Regulus tells me with a laugh before walking off. I laugh slightly to myself, before shaking my head and walking up to the Charms classroom. 

“Morning Zach.” I hear Remus call to me so I offer him a soft smile. 

“Good morning Remus.” I say with a smile, as he walks over to me, the pair of us walking towards our respective classrooms. I glance at Remus and see the fatigue hitting his face, as well as a new cut lining his neck. I bite my lip making a mental note of it, before I see him take a bar of chocolate from his bag and break a piece of it, setting it inside his mouth before offering me some of the bar. I shake my head and he shrugs, putting the chocolate away. 

“Did you get much sleep last night?” I ask him and he shakes his head. 

“No, not really. The first night is never easy for me, no matter how long I;ve been here.” Remus tells me with a laugh and nod smiling. 

“This is me, I’ll see you later?” I ask him as we arrive outside the Charms room. Remus smiles softly and nods. 

“I’ll see you at Lunch.” He tells me before walking off to his class. I run a hand through my hair as I walk inside, taking a seat and reading the whiteboard, trying to get the sound of Regulus’ laugh out of my head.

**23rd October 1972**

I walk out of potions class with Regulus besides me as we laugh at something Slughorn had just told us. 

“I can’t believe he said that.” I say with a laugh and Regulus nods wiping his face. 

“He really thinks that. Wow he must be a moron.” Regulus says and I shove him slightly. 

“Be nice.” I say and Regulus smiles widely. 

“Only for you. Come on, we have Muggle Studies.” He says, rolling his eyes at the class. 

“You do know it’s not that bad right? It’s quite a fun topic if you actually pay attention to it.” I say with a smile as Regulus throws his arm around my shoulder. 

“You also think that reading every Graham Greene book you have in your collection in 3 days is fun, we have different opinions on that.” Regulus says and I roll my eyes softly. 

“Come on, we’re gonna be late.” I tell him as I readjust my bag once Regulus finally moves his arm from around my shoulders. He laughs softly slinging his own bag around his shoulders as we walk through the corridors of the castle watching as people move out of the way for us, causing me to sink into myself slightly. 

“What’s up with you?” Regulus asks me as he finally notices.

“People move out of our way, as if they’re scared of us or something.” I say and Regulus nods. 

“They are. You’re the smartest dueller in our year and I’m a Black, we’re scary people.” Regulus tells me and I frown. 

“I don’t want to be feared Reg, I’m not like you.” I tell him and he nods. 

"I know. It’s just the way things are around here, now come on. We’re going to be late.” Regulus says and I nod the pair of us walking towards the grand staircase. I feel someone grab my arm so I spin around seeing Peter glaring at me. 

“Is there a problem here Pettigrew?” Regulus asks Peter. Peter looks Regulus up and down in disgust before looking back at me. 

“Reg it’s fine, you go ahead, I’ll catch up with you later.” I tell Regulus and he looks at me. I nod softly and he nods looking back at Peter. 

“I’ll see you later.” Regulus mutters walking off with some other first year Slytherins. I roll my eyes and remove Peter's hand from my arm, folding my arms over my chest. 

“What do you want Peter?” I ask him annoyed and he rolls his eyes at me. 

“What have I told you about hanging around with Regulus!?” Peter hisses at me and I rub my face. 

“He’s my best friend Peter!” I exclaim and Peter shakes his head. 

“He’s a SLYTHERIN, Zach!” Peter says and I shake my head. 

“He isn’t like Snape, or any of the others. He’s different Peter. Maybe if you opened your bloody eyes and got to know him you’d know that!” I say and Peter rolls his eyes. 

“He’s a BLACK Zach, they serve the dark lord they always have done.” Peter says and I raise an eyebrow. 

“What about Sirius huh? He’s also a Black.” I tell Peter and he stands up taller. 

“Sirius is different.” Peter says and I roll my eyes. 

“So is Regulus, but you won’t just talk to him! He’s my friend and I’m not letting you control that.” I tell Peter seriously. 

“You being friends with him is ruining my friendship with the other boys.” Peter says and I rub my face. 

“Then maybe your friendship with them isn’t as strong as you think. I’m not going to stop being friends with Regulus for you Peter. I’m not losing the only friend I have here besides Lucy for you, when you’ve done NOTHING to help me since I was 8.” I hiss and he stands up taller. 

“You’ll regret that.” Peter mutters and I nod slightly. 

“So you’ve told me several times. Look Peter, your friends are waiting, run along.” I mutter and Peter turns around seeing James and Sirius waiting for him. He growls turning back to me. 

“This isn’t over Zach.” He mutters and I roll my eyes as he turns and walks away from me. I rub my face softly as he leaves, before deciding to skip class. I walk towards the Astronomy Tower, letting myself in and closing the door behind me before walking up the long spiral staircase to the top. I toss my bag to the corner of the room and run a hand through my hair as I lean against the railing, hearing the wind whistle as it runs past my face, causing a chill to shoot up my spine. I sigh softly rubbing my face. 

“What’s going on with you Zach?” I mutter to myself quietly. 

“You’re being a fool, stop letting Peter get to you.” I whisper before hearing someone call my name. I turn around and see Remus standing on the top of the staircase watching me carefully. I offer him a soft smile and he walks over, leaning against the wall next to me. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask him and he smiles softly. 

“James and Sirius told me about the argument with Peter?” Remus asks softly and I nod. 

“Yeah, that happened.” I admit. Remus nods looking out at the sky, seeing the mixture of grey hues dance around, covering the sky with light grey clouds spotter around. 

“What happened?” Remus asks and I shake my head. 

“It’s nothing, really.” I mutter. Remus stands besides me and nods. 

“I’m not going to force you to talk to me, but I know it can be useful sometimes. It’s not easy feeling like you have nobody.” Remus says as he leans against the railing. I glance at him, seeing the scar along his neck healing slightly. 

“Is that how your Lycanthropy makes you feel?” I ask him and he stands up taller glancing at me. 

“I’m not a Lycanthrope.” He mutters firmly and I smile softly standing up beside him. 

“Don’t worry. I don’t hate you.” I tell him truthfully and he frowns. 

“What makes you think I’m a lycanthrope?” He asks slightly. 

“The scars on your face, the new scars you get, your lack of appetite before and after the full moon, the fact you disappear the day OF the full moon. The fact you suddenly fall ill every time the new moon is approaching.” I admit and Remus sighs rubbing his face. 

“I don’t hate you Remus. I admire you, actually. From what I’ve learnt and researched, being a Lycanthrope is a lot harder than people give you credit for.” I admit and Remus laughs softly moving his hair from his face. 

“Who else knows?” Remus asks me and I shake my head. 

“Nobody.” I say and he looks at me curiously. 

“Nobody? You haven’t told Regulus?” He asks and I shake my head again. 

“No Remus, I haven’t told Regulus.” I say with a laugh running a hand through my hair. 

“So what happened with you and Peter?” He asks me and I sigh. 

“Peter doesn’t like the fact I hang around with Reg so much, He keeps telling me that it’s straining his friendship with you guys.” I tell him and he frowns. 

“We don’t care if you’re friends with Regulus. If anything, we’re happy about it. It helps Sirius know what’s happening to his brother, and it makes the rest of us feel safe that he and you have someone you can talk to about things.” Remus tells me honestly and I give him a soft smile. 

“It’s just the fact Peter thinks he has control of who I’m friends with. The guy can’t even be bothered cleaning up after himself when we’re at home and he thinks I’m going to listen to him when we’re here? No chance.” I say with a laugh and Remus smiles softly looking back out at the sky. The two of us stay silent for a while, with only the sound of the wind breaking the quiet between us. 

“What’s going on between you and Regulus anyway?” Remus asks me, finally breaking the quiet. 

“What do you mean?” I ask confused. 

“We’re friends.” I say and Remus nods slightly glancing at me. 

“Do you feel anything more for him?” He asks and I stand up taller swallowing roughly. 

“N-no. I’m not like that, he’s my best friend.” I stutter and Remus nods. 

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay by the way, there’s nothing wrong with liking another guy.” He tells me and I nod looking down at the students running to and from their classes. 

“I know. I’m just… not that way.” I mutter. Remus nods resting his hand on my shoulder. 

“Well, whatever you are, just know I support you and I know the other guys will too.” Remus tells me and I nod slightly with a weak smile. 

“I better get going. I told Reg that I’d meet him in Muggle Studies but I kinda skipped class. I’ll see you around.” I mutter and Remus nods. I quickly make my way to my bag, throwing it over my shoulder and running down the stairs to get out of the Astronomy Tower quickly. I collapse against the wall, letting out a deep breath as I gasp for air, my head pounding inside my skull and I feel my heartbeat in my throat. I loosen the tie from around my neck, wiping the sweat from my face as I close my eyes, pushing my glasses up my nose. 

“Zach?” I hear someone call so I open my eyes, seeing Lucy watching me concerned. 

“Is everything okay?” She asks me and I nod. 

“Everything is fine.” I say with a fake smile and she nods hesitantly. 

“Regulus is looking for you by the way, he said you two agreed to meet up in Muggle Studies but that you didn’t show. He said he’d be down by the quidditch pitch if I ever found you.” Lucy tells me and I smile softly. 

“Thanks. I better head over to him so he doesn’t think I’m dead, but I’ll see you around?” I ask and she nods softly. 

“Be safe. I’m here if you need to talk.” Lucy tells me and I nod with a smile before walking off. I let out a breath as I walk down the castle corridors and out of the back of the castle, walking down the long set of stairs and finally reaching the Quidditch pitch. I look around and see Regulus sitting in the stands watching the Ravenclaw practice that was taking place in the air. I walk up the stairs and head over to him, tossing my bag on the floor in front of me as I sit next to him. He glances over at me and offers me a relieved smile. 

“There you are! I tried to find you but you didn’t show for class.” Regulus tells me and I nod offering him a weak smile. 

“Yeah sorry. I just needed some space.” I say and he nods.

“Is this about what Peter said? Because I’ll hex him for you.” Regulus tells me and I smile softly. 

“No Regulus, it’s okay. I just got a lot of stuff on my mind at the moment that’s kind of taking over my life.” I admit and he frowns. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks and I shake my head. 

“I actually want to do the complete opposite, which is pretend it doesn’t exist and spend my time feeling carefree.” I say and Regulus smiles widely. 

“I think we can do that. Come on, we can head into the Forbidden Forest.” Regulus says standing up and I smile nodding my head as I pick my bag up and stand besides him. Regulus grabs my hand and I feel my body cover in chills as he begins running down the stairs. I feel my heart begin to pound in my chest as the blood rushes to my face, causing my cheeks to flush but I ignore it and continue running. I follow behind him trying not to fall as we reach the bottom and he let’s go of my hand. I feel my body sink slightly as my heart finally calms down, yet feeling sad that he let go of my hand. I shake my head to ignore the thoughts I was having as the two of us walk down to the forest and walk through the large trees, towards a clearing within the woods which the two of us frequented in our two months at school. I laugh softly as I see Regulus run up to one of the trees climbing it with ease. He sets himself on one of the branches and watches me with a wide smirk. 

“Be careful Reg, you might fall.” I call to him and he laughs. 

“Oh come on Z! Let lose! Stop being such a stickler for rules! Have some fun!” He shouts and I laugh. 

“I’ll have you know, I’m PLENTY of fun actually.” I say and he laughs running a hand through his hair. I smile softly watching him, letting my eyes trail over his face, taking in every slight imperfection that lined his face. I let my eyes trail from his hand, down to his eyes that were dark blue with grey hues, outlined perfectly by his eyebrows which were partially messy, his eyes seemingly scanning the sky for whatever he was looking for.. My eyes drop to his cheek bones, lining the bottom of his eyes, and prominent as he looks into the sky, watching and listening to the birds that flew past us, the bones pointing towards his nose, which sat in the middle of his face, the bone slightly crooked from an accident he told me about when he was child, which meant his nose wasn’t perfectly straight anymore. I let my eyes drop to his lips, and I close my eyes slightly before looking back at him, my eyes finding his lips again. The soft pink and red hues mixed together forming the colour I had grown to recognise as Regulus. I let my eyes linger slightly as Regulus tucks his bottom lip between his teeth, biting softly so I quickly look away and shake my head, letting a quiet cough fall from my lips that Regulus couldn’t hear, as a soft blush covers my cheeks. I rub my face roughly and try to focus on something other than the image of Regulus sat on the tree. 

“Stop it Zach. He’s your best friend. Nothing more.” I mutter to myself as I hear a thud from in front of me. I look back up and see Regulus standing watching me. 

“Are you okay?” He asks me, his piercing eyes staring back at me. I nod softly and he raises his perfectly sculpted eyebrow as he watches me carefully. 

“You sure? I was calling your name for a minute and you seemed in a trance.” Reg tells me as he walks closer to me. I clear my throat and shake my head. 

“Sorry… I got a bit… distracted?” I say as if it was a question. 

“You sure you’re okay? I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything.” Regulus tells me, setting his hand on my shoulder. 

“I know.” I say with a weak smile. 

“I’m okay, really.” I mutter and he nods softly, moving his hand. I let out a soft sigh, feeling the mild pain in my chest from what Regulus had just told me. 

“You know he’s your best friend, why are you being like this? You do NOT have a crush on Regulus. He’s a guy, you’re straight.” I tell myself internally as I hear my brain arguing back and forth. I let out a sigh as the both of us pick up our bags, walking back to the castle in silence. Once we arrive and walk into the Great Hall for dinner, I realise how much time has passed. I glance at Regulus as he squeezes my arm, heading to his table to join his other friends. I take my seat at the Gryffindor table besides Remus and he offers me a soft smile. I look up and see Peter glaring at Regulus and I kick him under the table. His head snaps to me and he growls. 

“I told you to stay away from him.” Peter mutters and I roll my eyes. 

“And I told you that you don’t control who I’m friends with. He’s a good guy, if you don’t want to get to know him, that’s fine. But stop fucking glaring at him as if he’s done something wrong to you, when he hasn’t. Stop letting your stupid perceptions about Slytherin’s get in the way of actually knowing people.” I say, my voice raising. I feel Remus set his hand on my shoulder softly to calm me down. I glance at Remus and he nods so I let out a breath. I look up and see Regulus watching me with a frown on his face. I see his lips mouth to me, asking if I was okay to which I nod, looking down at the plate in front of me that was filled with food. I push the small portions of food along my plate, not feeling the need to eat since I was still distracted by the forest. 

“What is going on with me? I’m straight. I’m not attracted to men, I’m not attracted to REGULUS. He has a girlfriend for Merlin’s sake. He’s happy with her, he’s just your best friend. But I wish I was her.” I say internally to myself and I shake my head rubbing my face. 

“No, you don’t. You’re just friends. You don’t want to be his girlfriend OR his boyfriend. You just want to be his best friend.” I tell myself quietly to make sure nobody hears me. I stand up and excuse myself from the table, quickly walking out of the Great Hall, needing to be away from everyone right now.


	4. The First Half-Term

**June 13th 1973**

I look around the dormroom for the final time, checking I had everything I had brought with me at the start of the year before closing my trunk and locking it, setting it on the floor next to my bed. I pick up my coat, sliding it over my body and tugging the ends so that it sat the right way on my body before wrapping my gryffindor scarf around my neck and picking my trunk up, carrying it outside of my dorm room turning off the lights since I was the last one left. I let out a soft sigh as I carry my trunk down the staircase to the Grand Staircase. I look out of the window, letting the sun hit my face as I adjust the glasses that were falling down my cheeks. I reach the bottom of the staircase and see Regulus leaning against the wall waiting for me, a soft smile on his face. I chuckle softly as I walk over to him.

“Finally! It took you long enough.” Regulus says with a laugh as he sees me. I roll my eyes jokingly.

“Yeah yeah, come on Black, we’re gonna miss the train if we don’t hurry up.” I tell him as he lifts his own trunk off the floor. The pair of us walk down towards the Great Hall listening to the hushed conversations students were having around us as they glance at us.

“What’s going on this time?” I ask as people look Regulus up and down.

“Oh, they probably found out about Hestia and I.” Reg says with a shrug and I frown.

“What happened between you and Hestia? I thought you two were okay?” I ask confused. Regulus offers me a weak smile as we continue walking.

“She cheated on me last week, I broke it off this morning.” Regulus tells me and I frown softly.

“I’m sorry to hear it. I thought you two were meant for each other.” I admit and he nods lowering his head slightly.

“So did I honestly.” He tells me and I frown, rubbing his back softly as we reach the Courtyard. We set our trunks with the large stack of others that were being lifted onto trolleys to be taken to the train, before we began the long trek to the station.

“What’s going on with you anyway. Is anything finally happening between you and Lucy?” Regulus asks me and I smile softly shaking my head.

"No… Nothing is happening between Lucy and I. We’re just friends.” I tell him and he nods with a smirk.

“Yeah sure you are.” He tells me and I roll my eyes.

“I’m serious Reg! There’s nothing between Lucy and I. We’re not together or anything.” I say and he nods softly letting out a soft laugh nudging me slightly. We reach the train and the two of us look around seeing people splitting into their carriages. I see Peter approaching me, anger written over his face causing me to roll my eyes. I look back at Regulus and see that the smile had been wiped off his face as Snape approaches with Lucius Malfoy. I swallow roughly as Snape rests his hand on Regulus’ shoulder as Peter grabs my arm.

“Let’s go Zach.” Peter hisses at me and I look back at Regulus with a sad smile. He smiles back but nods.

“I’ll see you later?” Regulus asks hopefully and I nod.

“Yeah. I’ll see you later.” I mutter softly before he turns around walking off with Lucius and Snape as Peter drags me over to the Marauders.

“I thought I told you to stay away from him Zach! He’s not the type of person you want to mix with!” Peter hisses at me and I roll my eyes softly.

“Can we not do this Peter. We’re never going to agree on the situation, so talking about it will only enrage the two of us.” I mutter softly, tucking my hands into my pockets.

“Lay off Pete. The kids probably tired. He was up all night studying.” Sirius says and I offer him a weak smile. Remus sets his hand on my shoulder.

“You guys go ahead, I want to talk to Zach a minute.” Remus tells the others who look at me for reassurance, besides Peter who had already walked onto the train. I rub my face as Remus moves to stand in front of me, offering me a weak smile.

“Still no improvements with the two of you?” Remus asks and I shake my head.

“No. We just can’t seem to agree on anything. He doesn’t listen to anything I tell him about Regulus and he won’t let me explain. He just wants to be able to control me.” I tell him and Remus nods slightly.

“He’s just looking out for you, that’s all.” Remus assures me and I shrug.

“I don’t know. If he really cared he’d listen to how I felt about everything that has happened to us before just shutting me out completely and not trying to help out.” I mutter and Remus frowns slightly.

“What do you mean?” He asks softly and I shake my head.

“It’s nothing, forget I mentioned it.” I say quickly, going to move past Remus but he takes my arm softly.

“It’s a long story, and we don’t have time. The trains are leaving soon.” I say looking around the platform seeing the final student boarding. Remus lets out a deflated sigh but nods, the pair of us boarding and heading to the carriage containing the rest of the boys. We take our seats and I sink into myself, pulling my book from my bag and finding a note Regulus had left me towards the start of the year. I smile weakly as I let the paper fall between my fingers as I run my finger over the ink, before quickly tucking the paper into an earlier page of the book that I had already read so that I could continue from my previous spot. I sigh to myself softly getting distracted in the pages of the book, absorbing as much of the story as I could do during the several hour journey back to London. I finish my book just as we arrive in Kings Cross Station, so I begin to pack my bag again ensuring everything is secure and safe before walking off the platform. I look around seeing Regulus leaving his section of the train quickly followed by Lucius and Snape. Regulus looks around and spots me waving slightly and offering a small smile which I return before looking around and seeing Peter talking with Sirius, Remus and James, whilst they stand by whom I can only assume are James’ parents. I walk over slightly, tapping Remus on the arm softly. He turns and smiles at me.

“Oh hey Zach, I was just wondering where you were.” Remus says and I smile softly.

“I just came to say goodbye and to enjoy your half term, all of you.” I tell the other two who watch me with intrigued eyes.

“You’re not coming with Peter?” James asks and I glance at Peter who was glaring at me. I offer James a soft smile before shaking my head.

“No, it’s okay. I erm… I have something I need to take care of.” I say with a soft smile. I see James glance at Peter and I before nodding hesitantly.

“If you’re sure… You have the address to the Manor if you need it okay? Be safe and we’ll see you in August?” James asks and I nod softly. I pick my trunk up and offer the group a soft smile before walking away. I adjust the straps on my bag as I walk through the connecting gateway of the platform that links with the muggle station. I look around and head to the back entrance of the Station where other Wizards and Witches were going, being able to identify them by the trunks they were carrying. I walk out of the back and see people getting into cars so I hail one.

“Can you take me to St Mungo’s?” I ask the driver who nods unlocking the door.

“Hop in kid.” He tells me. I smile and get inside, setting my trunk on the seat besides me. The taxi begins driving and I run a hand through my hair as he drives through the streets of London, seeing muggles walking around totally oblivious to the world that lived within their city. I smile softly and rest my head on the walls as I tuck my wand into the pocket of my coat taking it from my backpack, and pulling out the cash I had taken out the day before. Once we arrive at St Mungo’s I smile at the driver and thank him before paying him. I lift my trunk out of the Taxi, carrying it to my side as I walk into the doors of the hospital, feeling the scent of the sterilising liquids hit my nose travelling to the back of my throat. I crack my neck softly as I walk to the front desk, smiling softly at the receptionist.

“I’m here to see Edith Pettigrew?” I ask softly and the nurse nods with a smile.

“Room 64B, her doctor should be with her soon.” The nurse tells me and I thank her, beginning the walk to the room. I finally find it and twist the door knob, pushing the door open and seeing mum laying on the bed, hooked up to machines surrounding her as the TV plays in the corner. I smile softly as I shut the door behind me, walking over and sitting besides her bed as I see mum sleeping. I move her hair from her face and kiss her temple softly closing my eyes tightly before pulling away and taking her hand in mine holding it gently as I wait for the doctor to walk into the room. A few minutes later the door opens and Doctor Shapell walks into the room. I offer her a soft smile as she reads my mum's chart, looking up and seeing me in the corner of the room.

“Ah Zach! I was wondering when we’d see you today.” The Doctor tells me and I smile.

“I came as soon as I got off the train.” I tell her and she nods.

“Well, I have something to tell you. Your mothers condition has deteriorated again. Worse than last year. We’ve managed to stabilise her for now, but she’s not in any fit condition to go home.” Doctor Shapell tells me and I nod feeling my heart break slightly. I clear my throat softly and hold my mum's hand tightly.

“So where does that leave my mum?” I ask softly. Doctor Shapell walks over and sits next to me, showing her my mums chart.

“Well, the condition has left your mother unable to feed without the tubes, which isn’t anything out of the ordinary for her, but her body is beginning to attack the fluids we’re giving her.” The doctor tells me and I nod listening to her.

“I know when your mum was first diagnosed they told you she wouldn’t make it to your 9th birthday, but at this stage, we honestly do not think she’ll make it to Christmas. Her body isn’t reacting to any of the potions or medication we’re giving her. We’re doing whatever we can to make her comfortable and try to improve her condition, but based on her latest scans and tests, it isn’t looking good. We need to keep her here in case she takes a turn for the worse.” She tells me and I nod glancing at my mum who was still asleep.

“Is Peter with you?” Doctor Shapell asks and I shake my head.

“No. He’s erm… He’s gone to his friends house for the summer.” I tell her honestly and she nods.

“Well, we can get you a bed at the hospital so you can stay besides your mother, or you can stay at home that much is up to you.” She tells me and I offer her a thankful smile. She sets mum's chart at the end of her bed and leaves the room. I sit back in the chair taking in everything the doctor had told me as I feel mums hand twitch slightly. I open my eyes and see mum watching me softly, the oxygen mask placed over her face.

“Hi mum.” I mutter softly moving the strands of grey hair off her face as she reaches to take the mask off. I shake my head taking her other hand holding it softly.

“Keep it on. You need it.” I tell her gently and she nods softly offering me a weak smile.

“H-how was s-school?” Mum asks me and I smile softly.

“It was fun mum. I spoke to Doctor Shapell just before you woke up, she told me how your condition has been getting worse.” I tell her and she nods, letting out a cough escape her throat. I grab the small bottle of water off the table and loosen the cap, carefully pulling the oxygen off her face so she can take a drink. She takes a few soft gulps before offering me a small smile. I fasten the lid on the bottle, setting it down and sitting besides her.

“Have you spoken to Peter about everything that’s happened?” Mum asks, her voice croaking slightly as I let out a soft sigh.

“I’ve tried mum. He just doesn’t listen to me.” I tell her and she nods slightly.

“I get it honey, this isn’t easy for either of you and you clearly handle it in different ways.” Mum tells me and I nod rubbing the back of her hand softly.

“Have you been home yet?” She asks and I shake my head.

“I came straight here after I got back. I wanted to make sure you were okay, I’ll go home later. You need me for now.” I tell her and she smiles softly.

“You’re a good boy Zach. I love you.” She whispers softly as her eyes flutter close. I watch her chest rise and fall as she falls back asleep, letting a soft smile form on my face.

“I love you too Mum.” I mutter softly before picking my bag up. I press a gentle kiss to her head before leaving the room, walking over to the Doctor.

“If my mum wakes up, can you tell her I’ll be back later? I need to go home and see the state of the house.” I tell her and she nods with a smile.

“Be safe Zach.” The doctor tells me and I nod. I toss my bag over my shoulder, carrying my trunk with my left hand as I begin the long walk back to the house. I fish for the keys in my pocket as I finally reach the doorstep, before I push the key into the lock twisting it clockwise hearing the locking mechanism disconnect and I push the door open, seeing the letters covering the floor. I let out a deep sigh, tossing my bag on the counter before picking all the letters up. I run a hand through my hair as I begin opening them all, seeing they were once again complaints of unpaid bills and late cheques. I rub my face roughly, tugging on my hair softly as I set my glasses on the table. I set all the bills to one side before I toss out everything else that was junk mail. I grab a piece of parchment and ink off the side of the table. I quickly tally up the cost of all the bills that were owned, seeing the total come to 32 Galleons, 14 knuts. I run a hand through my face again, folding the piece of parchment up and tucking it in the pocket of my trousers as I set my robes in the wash. I grab the pot of money mum kept on the fridge and open it, seeing the remaining few galleons fall onto the table. I still needed 25 Galleons, so I walk into my bedroom, opening the wardrobe trying to find the things I had left that could potentially sell for a lot of money at Diagon Alley. I grab my old guitar that my uncle left me, as well as a few remaining memorabilia pieces that would be worth a lot of money. I toss them into my backpack, before locking my guitar case up and carrying both downstairs. I look around the room seeing the house still clean from before I went to school. I run a hand through my hair after I toss my backpack over my shoulder and begin the hour long walk to Diagon Alley. I walk through the brick gateway down the Alley walking towards the junk shop I was so used to seeing. As I reach the entrance I hear someone shout my name so I turn around. I see Remus and James watching me confused as the pair walk over to me.

“W-what are you two doing here? I thought you’d be at home.” I tell them nervously. Remus frowns seeing the guitar in my hand and the shop I was walking into.

“We came to get some snacks, what are YOU doing here? And why are you taking a backpack and guitar case into the junk shop?” James asks me and I swallow roughly.

“It’s nothing.” I mutter. Remus moves closer to me resting his hand on my shoulder.

“What’s going on with you Zach? Any time we mention family or money you get awkward, what is it?” Remus asks. I let out a deflate sigh looking around.

“Just… not here. Please?” I ask softly and the two nod. They walk into a small cafe and take a seat whilst I follow them, resting the guitar case against the window next to where I sit down.

“So what’s going on. Talk to us.” James says softly and I run a hand through my hair.

“My mum is sick.” I mutter and James frowns.

“How sick?” He asks gently.

“She has Dragon Pox. She got it when I was 8, Peter was 9.” I tell him and I see Remus looking at me sympathetically.

“I’m sorry, Peter never told us.” James says and I nod.

“And he wouldn’t do. He acts as if mum isn’t sick, as if she isn’t dying.” I say annoyed and Remus nods.

“So what are you doing with a guitar case?” Remus asks me. I glance at the case and smile slightly.

“I’ve been selling stuff that belongs to me to the Junk shop since I was about 9. My mums medical bills have been super high and we quickly ran out of my inheritance money.” I admit and James frowns.

“How much do you need?” Hee asks and I glance at him.

“Bills since I’ve been at school come to about 32 galleons. I’ve got maybe 5 to my name, and I need to make another 100 galleons for medical bills.” I admit. I see the two boys sit up straighter.

“Has Peter not tried to help? With the money?” James asks and I shake my head.

“Peter doesn’t know how much money we owe. He has his inheritance that he keeps to himself and spends on whatever he wants. I get him the money for his school stuff, as well as bills, food and mums medical care. I do it all.” I tell them and Remus shakes his head.

“Let us help you, please?” He asks and I shake my head.

“No. I’ll be fine. Doctors said mum isn’t expected to make it to Christmas, so I’m just trying to save as much as I can do until then.” I admit. Remus frowns resting his hand on my shoulder.

“Please, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want them to think of Peter and I as the boys who never had a proper childhood.” I say and the two of them nod.

“Fine, but if you need help, please talk to us?” James asks and I nod.

“And don’t mention to Peter that I told you any of this. He doesn’t like talking about it.” I admit. The two of them nod and I stand up checking the time.

“I better go. The shop closes in 10 minutes and I need to go and pay the landlord.” I say and the two nod.

“We’ll see you in August?” Remus asks and I nod offering the two a soft smile, before picking up my guitar. I walk out of the cafe and over to the shop, ringing the bell. I see the familiar walker come over to the desk smiling at me.

“Hey Zach, haven’t seen you in a while! How’s mum doing?” He asks and I offer a weak smile.

“Not good.” I admit.

“She's deteriorating, and her body is beginning to reject the fluids the doctor is giving her. They’ve said she won’t make it to Christmas.” I tell him and his face drops.

“Oh Merlin. I’m sorry to hear it Zach, I really am.” The worker tells me and I shrug.

“It’s fine. I need to sell the last few things. Hoping to make enough money to cover as much as possible.” I tell him and he nods. I set the guitar case on the counter and put my bag on the counter as well.

“Well, my uncle left me this guitar after he died, it’s in perfect condition, all 6 strings intact.” I tell him to open the case. He smiles widely looking over the guitar checking it over for marks and scratches.

“I can give you… about 90 Galleons for this?” He tells me and I nod with a weak smile.

“Perfect. The bag has a bunch of metal and silverware my grandpa left me. The rest of the set I gave you a few visits ago.” I tell him and he nods.

“I can give you 10 galleons 6 knuts for that too.” he tells me and I nod pushing the stuff towards him.

“I’ll take it.” I say softly and he nods, cashing the money and handing it to me.

“I’ll see you around.” I tell him softly and he nods. I stuff the money into my pockets as I walk out of the shop, pulling my coat closer around my body as I quickly walk to the exit of the Alley, not wanting to run into Remus and James again. I leave successfully and sigh deeply walking towards the landlord's house. Once I arrive I knock on the door looking around and wiping my feet on the mat. I hear someone unlock the door and I look up.

“Hi, is Mr Tonks here?” I ask the woman at the door and she nods calling for her husband. I hear two sets of footsteps walking towards the door and I see someone raise their eyebrows as they see me.

“Zach?” They ask and I raise my eyebrow.

“Hi?” I ask confused.

“I’m Ted, we go to school together.” He says and I smile softly.

“Hey, sorry. Is your dad here?” I ask and he nods, moving out of the way so his father could stand at the door.

“How can I help you son?” His dad asks and I offer him a weak smile.

“My mum owes you some rent?” I ask softly and he nods in realisation.

“Ah yes. I was meaning to drop by tomorrow to talk to you about that. We can talk now if you have time?” He suggests and I nod. I follow Ted’s father as he walks towards his office, closing the door behind us to give us privacy. I sit opposite him and pull the money from my pocket.

“How much does my mum owe you?” I ask and he checks the notebook.

“She owes me… about 46 Galleons.” He tells me and I nod setting it on the table pushing it towards him.

“How come your mother hasn’t been able to pay? It’s been several months and I can’t get hold of her.” He asks me and I sigh softly rubbing my face.

“My mother is in the long stay ward of St Mungo’s. She’s been ill since I was 8 and she’s deteriorating. She hasn’t been home since I left for Hogwarts.” I tell him and his face drops

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” He tells me and I nod with a soft smile.

“I know. We don’t tend to parade it around. I think that should be everything rent and bill wise that my mum owes you sir.” I tell him and he nods, standing up and shaking his head.

“Don’t worry young man. You focus on our mother for now, we can take care of the finances afterwards.” He tells me and I nod slightly. I thank him as he walks me back down to the door. I say goodbye to Ted who waves at me and I begin the walk towards St Mungo’s.


	5. The Second Year

**August 31st 1973**

I look around the confines of my bedroom as I finish packing what belongings I had left, since I had to sell most of them to pay for medical bills and rent. I run a hand through my hair as I take my bag and trunk off my bed heading downstairs to the front door, setting my belongings in front of it and ensuring all the appliances in the house are turned off and safe. I let out a deep sigh as I slide my coat over my robes and carrying my belongings out of the house, locking the door securely and setting protective wards around the house to ensure nobody could break in whilst I was gone. I pick my trunk up off the group and hold it tightly as I begin the walk to St Mungo’s hospital for the last time before Christmas. I sigh to myself, letting the image of mum fill my brain. I try to ignore the pain in my chest as I walk up to mum's ward, opening the door and seeing Doctor Shapell checking her vitals. 

“Hey Doc.” I mutter softly. She offers me a sympathetic smile before turning to face me. 

“Hey Zach. Your mum just woke up.” She tells me softly and I nod thanking her. I set my trunk by the door and walk over to mum’s bed, resting my hand on her forehead feeling her body running cold. I see her tilt her head and her eyes light up slightly as she sees me in my uniform. 

“Hi Pete.” Mum tells me and I smile weakly letting the pain in my chest increase. 

“Hey mum.” I mutter softly, feeling the tears well in my eyes. 

“You look after Zach for me okay? He loves you very much.” Mum whispers to me and I nod, kissing her head softly. 

“I love you mum. So much.” I tell her truthfully as she squeezes my hand. I feel her hand go limp as she falls asleep in my arms. I kiss her head softly, closing my eyes briefly before I pull away and wipe my eyes as the tears threaten to fall. 

“You’ll be okay Zach. Your mum is well looked after, okay?” Doctor Shapell tells me and I nod. 

“I know. It just hurts I guess.” I admit with a weak smile and she nods. 

“I get it. Look, one of the nurses will Apparate you to Kings Cross. Don’t forget your trunk okay? I’ll write to you whenever we find a new change with your mum.” Doctor Shapell tells me and I nod picking my trunk off the floor as a Nurse walks in offering me a soft smile. 

“You ready?” They ask and I nod. 

“Thank you Doctor, for everything.” Whisper and Doctor Shapell nods softly as the Nurse sets their hand on my shoulder and apparates us to Kings Cross station. I look around and see the other Wizards and Witches leaving their taxis. I thank the Nurse and she nods softly. I begin my walk into Kings Cross, walking through the gateway between the platforms and seeing students running up and down the concrete. I smile weakly, before carrying my trunk to the back of the train. I walk onto the carriages finding an empty one near the middle of the train. I set myself inside and set my head on the window closing my eyes, letting my exhaustion hit me full force. I let out a soft yawn as I hear the carriage door open. 

“Hey Zach.” I hear Remus say and I offer him a fake smile. 

“Hey Remus. How are you?” I ask as he sits opposite me, closing the door behind him. 

“I’m okay. How are you?” He asks me and I shrug. 

“It’s complicated and not something I really wanna talk about.” I admit and Remus nods. The door to the carriage opens and I see James, Sirius and Peter walk inside taking their seats. I smile at them all softly as they begin talking to Sirius about their summers. I rest my head on the window again as the train begins moving. I zone out of my surroundings, letting out a soft yawn as I close my eyes, eventually falling asleep against the glass. I feel my body wake me up a while later and I rub my eyes, seeing James and Remus in an intense discussion, while Sirius and Remus were seemingly nowhere in sight. I sit up and James smiles at me. 

“Hey Zach. How are you feeling?” He asks me and I shrug. 

“Do you wanna talk about what’s going on in your head?” Remus asks and I sigh rubbing my face. 

“Mum’s getting worse. She forgot who I was completely for about 2 weeks until I finally managed to convince her. Then she started calling me Peter, insisting that I wasn’t old enough to talk yet.” I say feeling my eyes water again. 

“Oh Zach I’m so sorry.” James says rubbing my back. I shrug and wipe my eyes quickly. 

“It’s whatever. She’s under the best care and the doctor is going to write to me if anything changes with her. But, don’t tell Peter. If he finds out I want it to be off me.” I tell them and they both nod. 

“Anyway, enough about me, how was your summer?” I ask the two. I see James smile widely as he begins talking about how he, Sirius and Peter spent the majority of the summer flying around the Orchard of his house, and making a mess of their rooms whilst they played quidditch. I smile softly hearing him talk passionately about the sport as the train pulls into the station. I let out a deep breath and smile slightly at Remus as the pair of us walk out of the carriage. I slide my bag over my shoulder and look around seeing Regulus watching me slightly. I offer him a weak smile and he looks away quickly. I roll my eyes and stuff my hands into my pockets as I walk next to Remus hearing the other boys arguing about Quidditch. I stay quiet, keeping my eyes on the floor as I walk, letting my head fill with thoughts. What was going on with Regulus? Why wouldn’t he even look me in the eyes. Had I somehow done something wrong? I sigh softly to myself as we arrive at the castle. I walk into the Great Hall taking my seat as the new first years begin to get sorted into their houses. I offer the new Gryffindors weak smiles as they take their seats, listening to the chatter that breaks out around me. I push my food around my plate before setting my fork down, sipping my drink and keeping the goblet tightly in my hand. Remus sets his hand on my shoulder to get my attention before he gestures over to Regulus. I look up and see Regulus watching me carefully but I roll my eyes returning my attention to my goblet in hand, watching the liquid swirl around the surface of the cup. 

“What’s gotten into you two?” Remus asks and I shake my head. 

“He basically avoided me all Summer. I tried writing to him but got nothing, we agreed to meet up in Diagon Alley in August before term time but he never turned up. Then he looked away as I saw him on the platform.” I tell Remus who nods offering me a weak smile. 

“Come on, we should head to the dorms and get some sleep, classes start tomorrow.” Remus tells me and I nod. The both of us stand up, following behind the rest of our house as we walk towards our dorm. We get to the Grand Staircase and I drop behind the others, letting some first years get ahead of me so they could follow the prefects. I run a hand through my hair as I feel someone grab my arm and pull me into a classroom. I ball my fist and prepare to swing as I hear the door close. I turn around and see Regulus watching me carefully. 

“What the FUCK was that about Regulus!?” I ask annoyed. Regulus offers me a soft smile. 

“It was dramatic I know, but I needed to talk to you and any time I tried too Snape or Peter would get in the way.” Regulus tells me and I roll my eyes crossing my arms over my chest. 

“What do you want?” I ask him, the anger evident on my face. 

“Okay look I get it, you’re mad at me for not showing or responding to your letters, but there’s REASONS I haven’t been able to okay? I just can’t tell you them yet.” Regulus tells me, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. I let my arms drop as I watch Regulus’ eyes, seeing the sadness fill them. 

“Reg what’s wrong?” I ask softly, moving over to him. 

“It’s complicated alright? I can’t tell you anything yet, but one day I will, I promise.” He tells me and I sigh. 

“Then give me SOMETHING Reg! You left me alone in the middle of Diagon Alley, I waited for hours for you and you never showed. I wrote letters to you every week and I heard nothing in response, I looked like an idiot!” I exclaim and Regulus shakes his head. 

“You wouldn’t get it! You have this perfect family life, you wouldn’t understand the expectations I have to deal with!” Regulus says and I laugh weakly. 

“A perfect family? My dad is DEAD Regulus. My Uncle, Grandparents are DEAD. I only have Peter and my mum left, and Peter can’t fucking stand me and my mum could die at any second Regulus! I’ve been her sole carer since I was 8, I never HAD a childhood. My mum doesn’t even know I exist anymore! She thinks I’m Peter! So please tell me how I wouldn’t get it about complicated family lives!” I shout, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I see Regulus’ face drop at my words and his hand moves to my cheek. 

“I-I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.” Regulus tells me and I shake my head moving his hand from my face. 

“You didn’t know because I didn’t want THAT from you. I didn’t want fucking sympathy, I wanted my best friend and you weren’t there. I spent my half term in a fucking hospital chair watching my mum get worse and deteriorate, having to sell my own belongings to afford rent on a house we don’t use anymore, and to pay her hospital bills so she can get better. Don’t ever fucking tell me I don’t know what hard times are like.” I tell him softly, taking my bag off the table and flinging it over my shoulder. 

“Zach please, don’t go.” Regulus begs me and I shake my head. 

“Just fucking forget it. Have fun with Snape.” I mutter walking out of the classroom. I hear Regulus shouting for me but I ignore him, walking up to the Gryffindor common room and letting myself in. I look around seeing Remus watching me from the fireplace. I offer him a weak smile as I look for the others. 

“They all went to their dorms. I noticed you weren’t behind us as we got up here, so I wanted to wait for you, to make sure you were okay.” Remus tells me and I offer him a weak smile. 

“I’m here if you want to talk.” Remus says and I nod. 

“Thanks. I just… don’t feel like it at the moment.” I say and Remus nods his head standing up and heading towards the stairs. 

“I care about you Zach, you’re like a brother to me.” Remus tells me and I close my eyes. 

“Remus?” I call and he stops in position on the steps, turning to face me. 

“H-how do you know you’re falling for someone?” I ask him nervously and he offers me a soft smile. 

“From what I’m told, you begin to see someone you thought was your friend in a different light. You see the things that used to annoy you about them, suddenly drawing you closer. You begin to see the real them. What’s this about?” He asks me and I shake my head. 

“It’s nothing. Just something I heard a few fifth years talking about.” I say with a weak smile. He nods softly, sending me a smile and heading to his dorm. I rub my face roughly, before heading to my own room, collapsing on my bed after changing, feeling my heavy eyes fall and letting sleep overtake me. 

  
  


**October 7th 1973**

I look around the Gryffindor common room, taking in the sound of the fire crackling in the corner as the flames rise in size. I turn my attention back to my textbooks that lie in front of the table trying to complete my potions essay for Professor Slughorn when the morning post arrives. I see one of the older gryffindors set a letter on my table, causing me to frown. 

“Post? Who would be sending me letters?” I ask myself quietly as I tug the wax seal off the back. I slide the parchment out of the envelope and feel it between my fingers before I flip the parchment over and unfold it, taking in the words at the top. 

“Dear Zach. I have some bad news. It’s with a heavy heart that I inform you that your mother, Edith Pettigrew passed away this morning at 7:45am. She died in her sleep, so she was in no pain. I’m so sorry for your loss Zach. We can talk more once you and Peter arrive. Signed, Dr Shapell.” I read to myself as I feel my eyes water. I set the letter in the envelope, letting it fall onto the table in front of me as I run a hand through my hair, closing my eyes tightly. I hear someone walk over to me and rest their hand on my back. 

“You okay Zach?” I hear Lucy ask so I look up and wipe my eyes. 

“No… I need to find Peter.” I mutter and she nods. 

“He should be in the Potions classroom with the other boys, they were doing a study session.” Lucy tells me and I grab the letter sending her a soft smile. 

“I’ll sort your belongings, you go and find your brother. I don’t know what’s happened but it seems important.” Lucy tells me and I stand up. 

“My mum died this morning.” I tell her and I see her face drop. 

“Zach I’m so sorry.” Lucy says and I give her a weak smile. 

“D-don’t tell anyone. I need to go.” I tell her and she nods. I walk out of the common room, wiping my face to remove the tears as I begin the long trek into the basement. I eventually find the classroom the boys were in and knock on the door. 

“Come in!” Professor Slughorn calls. I open the door and offer him a weak smile. 

“Ah Zach, what can I help with?” He asks me and I shake my head. 

“Actually professor, I came to talk to Peter.” I say and he nods glancing at Peter, who was still doing his work. 

“I’m busy Zach.” He tells me and I run a hand through my hair clutching the letter tighter. 

“Pete please. This is serious.” I say, my voice breaking slightly. I see Remus and James look up frowning at me, as they see the tears on my face. 

“Pete, I think he means it.” James whispers to Peter. Peter groans looking up at me. 

“What have I told you about interrupting me Zach!” Peter shouts and I shake my head. 

“Mums dead Peter!” I shout, the room going silent. 

“She died this morning, I just got the letter off Dr Shapell.” I tell him as my tears fall down my face. 

“W-what…” He asks and I nod. 

“She deteriorated over the summer, she couldn’t hold on anymore.” I tell him as I wipe my face. I see the boys sit up taller as I explain what happened. Peter shakes his head. 

“N-no… She can’t be dead… she was fine the last time I saw her.” Peter mutters and I bite my lip roughly. 

“You haven’t seen mum in three years Peter. Not since you started at Hogwarts.” I tell him and he looks at me with anger in his eyes. 

“This is your fault.” Peter tells me and I scoff. 

“My fault? I’m the reason she lived as long as she fucking did Peter! I was by her side every day, I was the one giving her the meds she needed.” I shout, tossing the letter on the table. 

“Fuck you Peter.” I mutter at him as James and Sirius set their hands on his back to calm him down. I roll my eyes and leave, hearing Remus shouting after me. 

“Zach! Zach wait!” Remus calls and I shake my head. 

“I just wanna be alone Remus, please.” I whisper and he nods, before hugging me tightly. I wrap my arms around him and breakdown in his arms. 

“My mum’s dead… She’s all I had left.” I cry and Remus nods rubbing my back. 

“You have me. You have the boys, you’ll get through this. Does Regulus know?” Remus asks and I shake my head. 

“Regulus and I haven’t spoken since the start of term.” I admit and Remus nods. 

“Maybe you should talk to him, you need someone right now, more than just me.” He tells me as I pull away, wiping my face. 

“I will. I just need to be alone for a while. Tell Peter that Dr Shapell is expecting us at St Mungo’s tomorrow morning. I need to go and talk to Dumbledore.” I tell Remus who shakes his head. 

“The boys and I will go to Dumbledore with Peter. You go and calm down. I’ll see you tonight.” Remus tells me and I nod. I walk away from him as he heads into the potions classroom. I tuck my hands into my trousers as I walk down the corridor, eventually passing the Slytherin common room. 

“Well look who it is.” I hear Lucius Malfoy say as he stands in front of me. I stand in place and avoid looking at him. 

“Isn’t that the rat’s brother? The one that hexed Jason in his first year?” Snape asks and Lucius nods. I close my eyes tightly. 

“You’re pathetic you know that?” Lucius says to me and I keep quiet. 

“Nothing to say?” Snape asks me and I shake my head.

“I’ve been looking for someone to test my new spells on, do you reckon he’s a good candidate?” Snape asks Lucius and I stay silent, not wanting to aggravate the pair of them. 

“ I think so. He doesn’t seem to want to fight us on it. Go ahead.” Lucius says and Snape pulls his wand from his robes. 

“Sectumsempra.” Snape calls and I feel my body erupt in pain. I collapse to the floor, seeing the dark lacerations bleeding over my body, some over my face. I cry out from the venomous liquid burning my skin and veins. 

“Looks like that one works, Severus. You did well. Now let’s get out of here before anyone finds us.” Lucius says and Snape nods with a smirk. The two leave me alone and I struggle to my feet, dragging them across the floor as I use the wall as leverage to walk. I reach the windows besides the door that didn’t show anything and collapse onto one of the window ledges, feeling the pain radiate through my body. I clutch at my ribs, feeling as though someone was holding a burning hot knife to them, forcing it through the bone. I close my eyes tightly, letting tears fall from my eyes after everything that had happened. Mum was dead, Peter blamed me, and now I had been hexed by a spell that wasn’t even real. I let my shoulders shake as silent sobs draw from my lips, feeling the pain of everything that had happened. I hear footsteps approaching the windows so I keep silent, as to not alert anyone that I was there. 

“Zach!?” I hear someone call, so I look up, seeing Regulus watching me with wide eyes. I send him a weak smile as I try to stand up, but feeling my legs collapse. Regulus rushes over, resting his hands on my hips, throwing my right arm over his shoulders. 

“I-I’m fine Reg…” I whisper in pain. Regulus shakes his head and takes me into one of the empty classrooms. 

“You wait here. I’m going to get Professor Slughorn.” He tells me but I grab his hand. 

“Please… don’t.” I whisper. He sighs looking back at me, seeing the sadness on my face. 

“What happened.” Regulus whispers quietly as he moves over to me, moving my hair off my face and checking the extent of my wounds. 

“Some 3rd year created a spell they wanted to test out. I was the closest person I guess.” I mutter as Regulus lifts my shirt, seeing the long cuts covering my chest. 

“Zach this is dangerous.” Regulus says and I nod. 

“I know.” I mutter watching him softly. 

“Who did this to you?” He asks me and I look away. Regulus places his thumb under my chin turning my face to look at him. 

“Who? I need the name Zach.” He tells me and I shake my head. 

“You won’t believe me no matter if I told you or not.” I say and Regulus frowns. 

“What do you mean? You’re my best friend, of course I will.” He says and I laugh weakly. 

“It was Malfoy and Snape. They did this to me.” I tell Regulus seriously. He shakes his head moving away. 

“It couldn’t have been them, they wouldn’t do that.” Regulus says and I roll my eyes. 

“You wanted the name you got it. They did this to me Reg, Even if you don’t want to accept it.” I say and Regulus runs a hand through his hair. 

“Severus wouldn’t do that! He’s not like that Zach.” Regulus says and I roll my eyes. I grab my wand from my robes and cast episkey on my wounds, trying to stop the bleeding but failing. 

“I’m telling you Regulus. I know who it was. I’m fed up of being in a constant fucking competition with those two for your time. You haven’t spoken to me in over a month and now all of a sudden you care? It’s getting tiring Regulus.” I admit and I see him frown. 

“W-what are you trying to say?” He asks me. I stand up, ignoring the pain in my body. 

“Make a choice. You either have them as your friends, or me. I’m not playing second fiddle as your best friend, to them.” I tell Regulus seriously, looking him in the eyes. I see the fear on his face as he thinks over the possibilities. 

“Zach please… don’t make me choose.” He begs me and I shake my head. 

“Fucking forget it. Have fun with them.” I mutter walking past him. I put my wand back into my pocket before I feel him grab my arm. 

“Regulus I’m n-.” I begin to say as he spins me around. I feel him connect his lips to mine and my eyes flutter shut. I feel his soft lips against mine, setting off a thousand fireworks throughout my body. I let myself melt into the kiss, savouring the taste of him as I let myself fall into the reckless moment. I feel the drops of blood falling from my cheek, from the open cut on my cheekbone, only to be collected by Regulus skin as he pulls me closer, deepening the kiss. My hands move to his hair as he moves to my waist, pulling me closer to him. I kiss back softly, before realising what was happening. I pull away shortly after, keeping my eyes closed as I try to regain my breath. Regulus rests his head on mine as I feel him pant softly, his breath hitting my lips. 

“Why did you do that?” I ask softly as I open my eyes, seeing Regulus watching me nervously. 

“I don’t know.” He admits and I shake my head moving away. 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” I ask, feeling myself getting annoyed. 

“I don’t know why I kissed you, but I knew I had too.” Regulus tells me and I run a hand through my hair. 

“You can’t just do that to me! You can’t just mess around with my feelings because you want to!” I shout and Regulus looks taken back. 

“You can’t just kiss me and not give me a reason Regulus, it isn’t fair.” I tell him truthfully. 

“Zach, what do you mean your feelings?” Regulus begs and I shake my head. 

“If you don’t get it then you will never understand. Just, just leave me alone.” I mutter turning away from him. I walk out of the classroom hearing Regulus shouting me, begging for me to go back and talk to him. I ignore the pain in my chest as I walk up towards the Gryffindor common room.


	6. The Truth

**October 7th 1973**

I let out a deep sigh, pulling my coat around my body to hide the blood soaking through my shirt. I keep my head down as I walk into the Gryffindor Common room, hoping nobody would notice me.

“Zach! There you are!” James calls as he sees me so I freeze in place.

“Y-yeah. I guess so.” I say with my back turned to them.

“Are you okay?” Remus asks softly, moving closer to me.

“Please don’t.” I say softly. I hear him stop moving.

“Turn and face us…” James says hesitantly and I shake my head.

“I can’t.” I mutter.

“Why not? Did something happen?” James asks and I sigh turning to face him.

“What the hell happened?” James asks seeing the cuts lining my face and neck.

“I… I fell over the steps by the herbology classroom, I got cut by a plant.” I say with a weak smile. I see the two glance at each other.

“You weren’t in the Herbology classroom, we checked. We needed to make sure you were okay but we couldn’t find you. What really happened?” Remus asks me and I sigh rubbing my face softly, seeing the blood coating my hand from the movement.

“Don’t do that. Come sit down, let me help you.” Remus says softly and I nod sitting down, keeping my coat wrapped around my body. I keep silent as Remus and James work in silence to finally stop the bleeding on my face and neck. I let out a deep sigh as the two sit down opposite me.

“What really happened Zach? We want to help you.” James says softly.

“Malfoy and Snape. The two found me in the potions corridor, and Snape tested out a new spell on me.” I mutter. I hear Remus gasp and I see James stand up grabbing his wand.

“I’ll kill him. I’ll kill both of them.” James says and I shake my head, grabbing his arm, letting my coat.

“P-please don’t.” I beg James. He glances back at me and I see his eyes falter slightly.

“Why not? They could have killed you Zach.” James says confused.

“Is this because of Regulus?” Remus asks softly, finally putting the pieces together. I flinch slightly at the sound of Regulus’ name leaving Remus’ lips.

“What about Regulus? What does this have to do with him?” James asks confused.

“It’s nothing, just please James, leave it, leave the situation alone. It’ll just get worse if you do anything.” I beg him. I collapse on the chair running a hand through my hair.

“Is there something you need to tell us?” Remus asks softly as he and James sit on the couch opposite me. I look up at him feeling my eyes water.

“P-please. Please don’t make me say it.” I whisper. Remus rests his hand on my knee softly.

“Whatever is going on we can deal with.” James says truthfully.

“Why is it you don’t want us to do anything Zach?” James asks softly. I feel my heart begin to pound in my chest, my throat becoming dry as I close my eyes tightly. I feel the palms of my hands dampen from sweat, so I rub them on my trousers roughly to calm myself down. I let out a deep breath and keep my eyes screwed shut tightly.

“I-I’m gay…” I whisper out and I feel Remus squeeze my leg softly.

“You’re gay?” James asks me and I nod.

“I get it if you don’t want to know me anymore, I wouldn’t either.” I blurt out and the two of them smile shaking their heads.

“I’m so proud of you for coming out to us. I know it wasn’t easy.” Remus says softly. James nods in response.

“I don’t care if you’re gay Zach. You’re still like a little brother to me.” James tells me and I nod letting out a soft breath.

“Does Peter know?” Remus asks me and I shake my head vigorously.

“No. Not at all. I don’t know how to tell him.” I admit. Remus nods offering me a soft smile.

“We'll Be right by you when you do okay?” James tells me and I nod slightly, looking down at my blood soaked shirt.

“Is that why you asked me the other day how to know if you’re falling for someone?” Remus asks and I nod ashamed.

“I didn’t know if what I was feeling was normal or if I was some sort of freak. So I asked you about love and you told me everything I’d been feeling for Regulus and I didn’t know how to process it.” I admit and the pair nod.

“We love you no matter what okay? You don’t need to rush into telling anyone if you are comfortable.” James tells me and I smile softly. I hear the door to the common room open so I wrap my coat around my body tightly and keep my head down.

“Honestly James, you wouldn’t believe the stunt that McKinnon just pulled in the Great Hall! It’s insanity. The woman seriously thinks I sleep around!” Sirius says as he falls back into the armchair in the corner, his legs dangling over the edge.

“I like to think I’m a classic Romeo I’ll have you know.” Sirius says and Peter laughs. I roll my eyes and fall further into myself.

“You should have seen Alice’s face when Sirius started talking about everything that he’s done already. She went bright red.” Peter says proudly and laughs along with Sirius, while the three of us sit in silence, Remus and James offering soft smiles.

“Why do I feel like we interrupted something important?” Sirius asks sitting up in his chair. He looks over at Remus and James who glance back at me. I sink further into my chair as Sirius looks over at me. He watches me for a second, his eyebrows furrowing together as he finally realises.

“What the fuck happened to you? You look like shit.” Sirius says and I give him a weak smile.

“Sirius! Be nice!” Remus scolds and I shake my head.

“It’s fine, honestly.” I tell Remus who nods softly.

“Snivellus and Lucius tested a new spell on Zach, they could have killed him.” James explains to Sirius who sits up taller.

“Are you serious?” Sirius asks and James nods.

“I’ll hex Snivellus into next century.” Sirius says and I shake my head.

“Don’t!” I call out.

“Just leave it, please. I don’t want any more drama and issues. Please Sirius.” I whisper. He watches me softly, looking at James and Remus who nod.

“Fine, but next time you go anywhere, one of us comes with you. I’m not letting them get a chance to hurt you again.” Sirius says determined and I sigh noddin in defeat.

“Fine. Just please, don’t do anything.” I say and he nods, sitting down again. I see Peter roll his eyes at me so I stand up, keeping the coat close to my body.

“I’m gonna get some rest. Not feeling too hot.” I admit and the trio say goodnight, whilst Peter stays silent. I walk up the stairs to my dorm, seeing it empty as everyone else was still spending their free time out with friends before curfew. I sigh softly pulling my shirt off my body and throwing it in the bin, as I look at the long cuts lining my torso. I run a hand through my hair, seeing the new cuts lining my body. I look over my chest, seeing every imperfection covering my stomach and neck before I close my eyes tightly letting out a deep breath.

“You have imperfections, they’re normal. They don’t define you.” I mutter to myself as I grab a clean shirt from my trunk and throw it over my body. I rub my face softly before sitting back in my bed, picking up my book off the desk besides me and opening it to the right page, wanting to relax. I begin reading the words on the page, trying to distract myself from everything that had happened. I hear someone knock on our dorm door.

“Come in!” I call. I hear the door open and close, so I look up seeing Remus watching me softly.

“Hey. I know you said you weren’t feeling good, but I wanted to come check on you.” Remus says softly sitting on the edge of my bed. I give him a weak smile as I close my book, keeping my finger on the page so I didn’t lose my position.

“I’m okay, I think. Just got a lot running through my mind.” I admit. Remus nods softly, crossing his legs and facing me.

“I think talking about it might help.” He says and I smile softly.

“There’s a lot going on in my head.” I say and Remus smiles.

“We have time.” He tells me and I laugh slightly.

“My mums dead, my brother hates me, I have to plan her funeral, then figure out what I’m gonna do about the house since me and Peter can’t afford it. Then I have to worry about where I’m going to live because Peter will probably spend his life at Potter Manor with you, James and Sirius. Now I need to figure out how the fuck I’m gonna hide all these cuts over my body, and I have to figure out what to tell Regulus next time I see him.” I say and Remus frowns slightly.

“What happened between you and Regulus?” He questions. I run a hand through my hair gently.

“He found me in the basement after I managed to get away from where Snape and Lucius hexed me. He wouldn’t believe me when I told him Snape did it to me and I told him I was done being second best to him and that he needed to choose either me or them. He hesitated, I told him to forget it and I went to leave.” I say softly messing with my hand as I swallow deeply.

“You don’t have to tell me the rest if you don’t want to.” Remus assures me and I shake my head.

“I need to talk to someone about it, it’s driving me insane.” I admit and he nods.

“As I was leaving he grabbed my arm. He spun me around to face him and I tried to talk but… he kissed me.” I say furrowing my eyebrows.

“That’s a good thing isn’t it? You’re falling in love with him and he kissed you?” Remus asks confused and I shake my head.

“I asked him why he did it and he said he didn’t know. I told him he can’t just do that, he can’t just kiss me and mess with my feelings and he didn’t know what I meant. I told him if he didn’t understand then he never would and I left.” I tell Remus who nods listening as I talk.

“I don’t know much about being in a relationship, I don’t know much about feeling anything, but just don’t let it get in between your friendships. James and I are here for you no matter, that I can promise.” He tells me and I nod slightly.

“You better get some sleep, the full moon is next week and I can tell you’re getting tired.” I tell Remus. He offers me a soft smile and nods.

“I’ll see you in the morning. The boys and I are going with you and Peter to St Mungo’s in the morning.” Remus tells me and I nod.

“Goodnight Remus.” I say and he smiles before leaving. I set my glasses on the table next to me, seeing the blood stains on the rims. I sigh softly and pull the duvet over my body, closing my eyes and succumbing to sleep. 

**October 8th 1973**

I adjust my robes around my body as I grab my backpack off the end of my bed. I run a hand through my hair, pulling my robes up to my neck to try and hide the cuts lining my skin. I walk out of my dormroom and head into the Common Room seeing everyone watching me. I look down and head outside seeing Remus waiting for me.

“James and Sirius took Peter to Dumbledore already. I told them I’d wait for you.” Remus says and I smile weakly.

“You didn’t have too. I’d be alright walking alone.” I tell him and he nods.

“I know I didn’t have too. Come on, they’re gonna be waiting for us.” Remus tells me and the two of us begin the walk to Dumbledore's office sitting in silence. We reach the Grand staircase and begin climbing them as I hear someone shouting my name.

“Zach! Zach wait up!” I hear Regulus shout but I ignore him and continue walking. I feel Remus’ eyes watching me as we walk and I shake my head.

“Zach please!” Regulus shouts taking my arm.

“I don’t have time for this Regulus. Please. Just leave me alone.” I ask softly as I glance at him. I see the sadness in his eyes as he watches me.

“We need to talk. About yesterday.” Regulus tells me in a hushed tone. I roll my eyes and remove his hand from my arm.

“We can talk later. I’m busy.” I mutter and walk away from him. I hear Remus following behind me as Regulus stays in his position. We arrive at Dumbledore’s office and see the others waiting for us. I give them a weak smile as the five of us walk into the office.

“Ah Zach, Peter. I was hoping to see you this morning. I’m sorry to hear about your mother.” Dumbledore tells us andPeter gives him a weak smile.

“Professor McGonagall has agreed to take the five of you to St Mungo’s. While we’d normally only let those affected go, it seems like it’s better if you both have support with you.” Professor Dumbledore says as Professor McGonagall smiles at us sympathetically. I ring my hands together, feeling my throat close slightly.

“Can I have a minute Professor? You can take Peter and the others ahead, I just need some air.” I mutter. Peter glances at me and Professor McGonagall nods.

“Of Course Mr Pettigrew. I’ll wait here for you. James, Sirius, Peter, Remus you come with me.” McGonagall says and I walk out of the office. I run a hand through my hair, as I move over to the window letting out a deep breath.

“Zach?” I hear Remus ask as he steps out of the office.

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be with the others.” I say wiping my hands.

“I was, but I didn’t want to leave you alone so McGonagall took the other three.” He tells me and I nod resting my head on the wall and closing my eyes.

“You really should talk to Regulus. He looks pretty beat up about whatever's going on between you two.” Remus says glancing to the left. I follow his eyes and see Regulus watching us. I nod softly and Remus gestures for him to walk over. I lean against the wall as Regulus walks over, messing with his hands as he always did when he was nervous.

“We really need to talk, Zach.” He mutters to me and I nod. I run a hand through my hair as Regulus glances at Remus.

“It’s okay Remus.” I tell him and he nods walking off to give us time.

“What did you mean by your feelings, Zach?” Regulus asks me and I sigh looking away.

“If you don’t get what it means, then you won’t understand. Why did you kiss me yesterday?” I ask Regulus. He bites his lip swallowing deeply.

“I don’t know why I did, Zach.” He admits and I feel tears forming in my eyes.

“But what I do know, is that I don’t just see you as my friend.” He tells me and I shake my head wiping my face.

“What are you trying to say Regulus?” I ask him running a hand through my hair.

“I dated Hestia to try and ignore whatever it is I have for you, but I don’t see you as my friend.” He tells me and I shake my head moving away from him.

“Are you gay? Or are you bi?” I ask him and he sighs.

“I-I don’t know. I think I’m gay. I used Hestia as a cover up story to make people believe I was straight.” Regulus tells me, taking hold of my arm.

“I heard about your mum Zach. I’m so sorry.” Regulus tells me cupping my cheek softly.

“I don’t want sympathy from you Regulus. I want the truth. If you’re doing this to give me sympathy don’t. I just need honesty from you.” I tell Regulus as tears begin to fall from my cheeks. Regulus wipes my cheeks softly, clearing the tears from my skin.

“I’m not doing this to give you sympathy Zach. I mean what I say.” Regulus tells me. I nod softly, closing my eyes. I hear Remus walk over to us.

“Zach… we need to go.” Remus tells me and I nod. Regulus smiles at me softly.

“We can talk more later. I have to go to St Mungo’s and deal with my mum.” I tell Regulus and he nods softly wiping my cheek. He glances at Remus who nods at him walking away from us.

“Can you meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight? We can talk later, about us, about this entire thing.” Regulus suggests and I nod.

“I erm… I should really go.” I say and Regulus nods.

“Just let me do one thing first?” Regulus asks and I nod. Regulus glances down at my lips before pressing his against mine softly. I smile softly, kissing back, still feeling the butterflies fill my body. I move my hands to his neck pulling him closer. We keep our lips attached for a few more seconds before I pull away resting my head on his.

“I gotta go. We can talk about this later.” I tell Regulus moving away from him. He watches me closely as I walk over to Remus, wiping my bottom lip as he smirks at me.

“Come on, let’s get inside.” Remus says and I nod, nudging him slightly.

“Don’t tell anyone about what you saw.” I tell him and he nods with a chuckle. We walk into the office and see Professor McGonagall waiting for us. She offers me a sympathetic smile and I nod. She rests her hand on mine and Remus’ shoulders before apparating us into St Mungo’s. I look around the familiar hospital wards before making my way towards Doctor Shapell’s office, seeing James, Sirius and Peter looking around aimlessly.

“This way.” I call them as they try to figure out where to go. James and Sirius see me, letting out a relieved smile as they follow me. I knock on Doctor Shapell’s door and she calls for me to enter. I open it and walk inside, pushing my glasses up my nose.

“Ah Zach.” Doctor Shapell says as she sees me. I offer her a weak smile as the boys and Peter walk in behind me.

“I’m glad to see you again, I’m sorry it’s under such bad circumstances.” She tells me and I nod shaking her hand.

“Peter, it’s been a while. I’m sorry for your loss.” Doctor Shapell tells Peter, shaking his hand too. He nods in response and introduce the boys.

“Doctor Shapell, this is James, Sirius and Remus. They’re Peter’s friends, and mine as well. They’re helping Peter through this.” I tell her and she nods, shaking their hands.

“I’m sorry for your loss, and this isn’t going to be easy but we need to figure out what to do with your mothers body.” Doctor Shapell tells me and I nod.

“I managed to sell enough belongings to afford a funeral for her, just the way she would tell me about. I just need to find somewhere to keep her until the actual ceremony.” I tell Doctor Shapell who nods making a note of it.

“We can help with that, don’t worry.” She tells us and I nod.

“How did our mum die?” Peter asks running a hand through his hair.

“Your mothers condition worsened around the end of September. The disease took hold of her organs, worse than they already had and she began struggling to breath. We had to intubate her so that she could breath, however she passed away in her sleep. She wasn’t in pain. She wasn’t struggling, I don’t think she was even aware of what happened to her.” Doctor Shapell tells us and I wipe my eyes, feeling James set his hand on my shoulder.

“C-can I see her? Before she gets moved?” I ask. The doctor nods her head.

“She’s in her room. We managed to keep it the way it was and we’ve kept her there.” She tells me and I nod standing up. I see the boys stand up besides me but I shake my head.

“I need to do this alone. I’ll see you guys later. Take Peter to the waiting room, Professor McGonagall is there.” I tell them and they nod. I walk out of the room, rubbing my hands together as I approach my mum's hospital room. I open the door, smelling the roses that filled the room. I let out a weak laugh as I round the corner seeing my mum laying in the bed without wires attached to her body or the oxygen mask covering her face. I smile softly as I walk over to the side of her bed, feeling tears fill my eyes as I sit besides her.

“Hey mum.” I whisper softly, rubbing her cheek.

“I hope you’re doing better now, whenever it is you are. I hope you’re not in pain, I hope you’re happier. I love you, so much. Peter loves you mum. I’ll miss you every single day. I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know.” I admit letting my tears flow down my face.

“Merlin. I’m a mess. I love you mum. So much more than you’ll ever know. I promise I’ll look after Peter.” I tell mum kissing her head softly. I squeeze her hand tightly before wiping my face and standing up. I run a hand through my hair before walking out of the hospital room. I walk out of the room rubbing my eyes. I feel someone rest their hand on my back so I look up and see Sirius. I offer him a soft smile.

“I don’t know what it feels like to lose a parent to death, but I do know what it’s like to feel alone. You aren’t. We’re all here for you. All of us, including Peter, even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes.” Sirius tells me and I nod.

“Thank you Sirius. I mean it. Look, why don’t you guys take Peter back to school, I have to head to Gringotts and then to the funeral parlour. It’s something Peter won’t be able to help with.” I say and he nods. We walk back over to the group and the three of them offer me soft smiles whilst Peter stares at the floor.

“I’m gonna head to the Funeral Parlour and to Gringotts. Why don’t you guys take Peter back to school.” I say and Sirius and Remus nod.

“I’m coming with you.” James says and I sigh. “Fine.” I mutter and he nods.

“We’ll see you guys back at school.” James tells the three of them and Professor McGonagall apparates them to school. I stuff my hands into my pockets as James and I walk out of St Mungo’s and begin the hour long walk to Diagon Alley.

“How are you feeling?” James asks me and I shrug.

“Numb.” I admit and he nods.

“I can’t imagine what it feels like, losing one parent, let alone two.” James says and I nod.

“I lost my dad when I was a year old, so I don’t really remember him, but I remember losing my uncle.” I admit and he nods.

“Anyway, we’re here. I’ll be back, I need to get the rest of my money from my vault.” I tell James and he nods waiting outside the bank for me. Once I enter my vault, I grab the remaining Galleons off the floor, stuffing them into my bag. I thank the goblin before walking out of the bank smiling softly at James. The two of us walk into the funeral home and I pay for everything, telling them and showing them the preparations that my mum made before she got seriously ill, knowing she wouldn’t get better. The director nods making a note of everything before telling me the cost. I grab the remaining money from my pocket and set it on the table counting to make sure I had enough money to pay for it. I set the spare knuts into my pocket, feeling James’ eyes on me as I put the money away. I shake hands with the funeral director, keeping the date of mum's funeral embedded in my brain. The two of us walk back onto the streets of Diagon Alley, seeing Professor Dumbledore waiting for us.

“There you are boys. I’m here to bring you back to school. I already know about the funeral, I’ll ensure there is enough time for you both, same with the others.” Dumbledore tells us, setting his hands on our shoulders and apparating us back to Hogwarts.


	7. The Admission

**October 8th 1973**

I look around the school seeing Dumbledore walk towards his office leaving James and I alone. 

“Look, I gotta go do something. I’ll see you later, in the common room.” I tell James and he nods watching me closely. 

“You sure?” He asks and I nod with a smile. 

“I just need to get some air.” I say and he nods. 

“I’ll see you later, you know where I’ll be if you need me.” James says and I nod, adjusting the robe I had tossed over my arm. I send him a soft smile and begin the walk to the astronomy tower as James heads back to the common room. I let out a deep sigh running a hand through my hair as I round the corner to the tower. I look around checking to make sure nobody was following me before I unlock the door, walking inside and letting it close behind me. I walk up the steps to the top floor looking around and seeing Regulus leaning against the railing. I smile softly crossing my arms over my chest. 

“ Fancy seeing you here.” I call out, seeing him turn around and smile weakly. 

“Hey. I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show.” Regulus admits to me and I nod. 

“Sorry… Things got a bit hectic at the hospital.” I admit and he nods. I walk over to him and lean against the railing letting the wind flow through my hair. Regulus leanst against the rail as well, both of us standing in silence. 

“We should probably talk about what’s happened.” I say and Regulus nods letting out a soft sigh. 

“I need to know if you meant what you said Reg. About dating Hestia to hide who you are.” I tell him watching the sky. 

“I did mean it. What did you mean when you said your feelings the other day? That if I didn’t understand I never would?” Regulus asks and I run a hand through my hair. 

“Do you want honesty?” I ask him and he nods. 

“That’s all I want.” He says and I nod. 

“I like you, Reg. a lot. I have done since first year.” I admit and Regulus smiles widely. 

“I like you too.” Regulus says and I smile softly. 

“I don’t want to hide who I am Reg, and I don’t want to be with someone who has to hide who they are.” I tell Regulus and he nods. 

“I know, and we don’t have too, I just need to think about it and figure out how my parents will react, how the other Slytherins react.” Regulus tells me and I nod running a hand through my hair. I turn back to the sky, letting the wind blow past my face as I think about everything that was happening between us. I hear Regulus let out a soft laugh so I turn to look at him. 

“What? What’s so funny?” I ask with a smile. He turns to his side, leaning against the railing and letting his eyes rest on mine. 

“I thought I was straight for 12 years. And then I started here and I found you.” Regulus says with a laugh and I furrow my eyebrows. 

“What do you mean?” I ask him. 

“I found you, Zach. I found someone I never thought I’d be into, I found a man who I want to be with.” Regulus tells me and I smile with a laugh. 

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I thought I was straight as well, and then I found myself thinking about you in a manner that was anything but just as friends.” I admit and Regulus moves his hand, running a hand through my hair. I smile softly, setting my hand over his and press a soft kiss to it softly. I smile gently watching him as he closes his eyes. I let out a soft smile watching him. Regulus opens his eyes again, looking back at me and rubbing my cheek gently. 

“I really wish we came to the conclusion we liked each other quicker.” Regulus tells me and watch him carefully. 

“And why’s that?” I ask him, my voice quieting as he moves closer. 

“Because then I’d of been able to do this more.” He whispers softly, gently taking my top lip between his. I smile softly moving closer to him, trailing my hands up his body, starting at his chest and settling in his hair at the back of his neck. I feel Regulus rest his hands on my back, dropping them to the base of my spine and pulling me closer. I smile widely kissing back softly. 

“What the hell is going on here!?” I hear someone shout. Regulus and I quickly pull away, moving apart from each other. I look over and see Sirius watching us carefully. 

“S-sirius! What… what are you doing here?” I ask him nervously. 

“That’s not what we need to talk about. What the hell did I just witness!?” He asks me. I see something fall on the ground and I see James watching Sirius carefully. 

“How long h-have you need following us?” Regulus asks James. 

“We got the cloak once I went back to the Common room. I care about you so I wanted to find out and make sure you were okay.” James says and I shake my head. 

“You followed me?” I ask annoyed. 

“Yeah we did, back to the important question, what the HELL did we just see?” Sirius asks, raising his voice. I glance at Regulus seeing him run a hand through his hair.I see him look over at me and he interlocks his hand with mine, holding my hand tightly. 

“You saw us, kissing.” Regulus says confidently as Sirius’ eyes drop to our hands. 

“Whether or not you like it, it’s who I am.” Regulus says and I offer him a soft smile, watching him stand taller as he talks to Sirius. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius asks, the hurt prominent in his voice. 

“Well… We only just figured out how we feel about each other.” I say with a laugh. Regulus nods with a smile. 

“Plus, you haven’t really been around since you started here. And you didn’ really give us much choice to tell anyone anything, you did follow Zach.” Regulus says and I nod laughing slightly. 

“So this is why you didn’t want me to go after Severus and Lucius?” James asks and Sirius turns to face him. 

“You knew about them!?” He asks and James shakes his head. 

“We knew Zach was gay. He came out to us that night, but I didn’t realise.” James says and I nod. 

“Yes, it was. I knew if you went after Snape and Lucius, Reg would get in the way, he would try to stop you. I didn’t want him to get caught into the crossfire.” I admit and Regulus squeezes my hand tightly. 

“You stopped them going after Snape? For me?” Regulus asks and I nod. 

“You didn’t want to believe it was them who did it to me, and I knew that you’d defend them, I didn’t want you to get hurt.” I admit and Regulus smiles kissing my cheek softly. 

“I don’t care if you’re gay Reg. I just wish you had told me.” Sirius says and he nods. 

“Does Peter know?” James asks me and I shake my head. 

“No. It’s probably not smart that I mention it, not right now anyway.” I tell him and he nods 

“Wait so did everyone know besides me?” Sirius asks with a pout. I smile softly. 

“James and Remus knew I was gay. James didn’t know anything was happening between Regulus and I, but Remus did. He saw us this morning when I went out of Dumbledore’s office for air.” I admit and James smacks Sirius’ back. 

“Just please Sirius, don’t tell anyone. Neither of us are ready for everyone to know. We don’t even really know what we are.” Regulus asks and Sirius nods. 

“I won’t don’t worry. Just work it out on your one, keep us updated okay?” Sirius asks and we both nod. I see James look down at his watch and sigh. 

“We should probably get back to our dorms. We’ll give you a minute.” James says taking Sirius' arm and giving us some time alone. I smile and turn back to Regulus seeing the relief on his face. 

“Well, that went easier than I thought it would.” Regulus says with a smile. I nod and move his hair from his face. 

“It did. And I’m so proud of you.” I tell him honestly and he smiles interlocking our hands together. 

“I know you don’t want to be a secret…” Regulus begins and I shake my head. 

“Don’t, Reg. Take your time. It’s easier for me to be open, I don’t have much family to worry about anymore.” I say with a laugh and he frowns at me, dropping my left hand and cupping my cheek. 

“I promise one day we’ll be open about us, but I just need to figure out how everyone will react. I don’t want to lose you Zach.” He tells me and I nod. 

“You won’t. We just have to communicate about it, about how we feel.” I tell him and he nods. 

“Well right now I really want to kiss you.” Regulus admits and I smile, leaning up slightly and pressing my lips against his for a few seconds. 

“And how was that? Satisfactory enough to hold you over until we can escape the chaos of the school and be alone?” I ask and he nods with a smile. 

“Completely. We better go.” He tells me and I nod. 

“Goodnight Regulus.” I tell him. 

“Goodnight Zach.” He says quickly walking out of the Astronomy Tower. I smile softly looking out against the sky before heading down the stairs, seeing James and Sirius waiting for me, leaning against the wall waiting for me. I wipe my bottom lip as I walk out to them. I see them both smirk and I shake my head. 

“Don’t say a fucking word. I will hex you both into next week.” I say with a laugh as we walk down the corridors. Sirius wraps his arm around my shoulder laughing. 

“Seems like you might be my newest family.” Sirius says and I roll my eyes, ignoring the blush forming on my face. 

“Sirius, stop it. We don’t even know what Regulus and I are, we’re taking it slowly.” I say and he smiles. 

“Well either way, I’m proud of you, but if you hurt him I will hurt you.” Sirius says and I laugh. 

“Trust me, I don’t have any plans to hurt him. I'm falling for him.” I admit and Sirius smiles widely ruffling my hair. The trio of us laugh as we walk through the corridors finally reaching the Dorm room. I smile softly ignoring the two’s comments as I walk into my room. 

“Goodnight Sirius, Goodnight James. Stop talking, both of you.” I say with a laugh as I close my door and head towards my bed, seeing the other roommates already in their beds and laying down. 

**October 10th 1973**

I straighten out my tie as I walk down towards the Great Hall, seeing people watching me. I look down as I stuff my hands into the trousers of my suit, feeling the parchment of my speech fold between my fingers. I let out a deep sigh as I arrive in the courtyard, seeing the marauders stood with Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall. I offer them weak smiles as I walk over. 

“Is everyone ready?” Professor McGonagall asks and I nod looking around. I see Regulus watching me, standing in his suit. He nods at me and I offer him a weak smile. Remus walks over setting his hand on my shoulder. 

“Regulus is going to meet us there. Professor Dumbledore knows about him being your ‘best friend’. He’s going to bring him after us.” Remus tells me and I nod giving him a smile. Professor McGonagall sets her hand on mine and Peter’s shoulder as the boys grab on to us. Professor McGonagall apparates the five of us to the Church and I look around, seeing people watching us carefully, Peter and I walk to the front of the church, thanking people as we walk past them. I take my seat at the front of the church staring at the coffin in front of me that contained my mothers body. I feel myself zone out as Peter walks over, sitting besides me with the boys behind us. I let out a sigh as the Vicar stands at the front and begins the service. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen we’re here today to mourn the loss of Edith Pettigrew, Mother, daughter, sister. Edith fought a long battle with a disease in which there was no cure, and in losing that battle, she left behind two sons. Who I’m sure appreciate every one of you for being here today to support them in saying goodbye to their mother.” The vicar says and I glance at the photos of our mother spread around the room. 

“Now, her sons, Zach and Peter would like to say a few words.” The vicar says and I stand up, adjusting my tie as I walk to the front of the church, a blank look on my face. I glance at the room of people, seeing some of them wiping their eyes, whilst others offer me sympathetic smiles. I look towards the back of the room and see the Dark eyes with grey hues I had grown so familiar with. I see Regulus watching me, offering me a supportive nod as I clear my throat, pulling the piece of parchment from my pocket, and setting it on the pedestal in front of me. I look down at it, seeing the splatters of ink all over it. 

“I originally had this speech written down, it took me two hours through my tears.” I say with a laugh as my eyes water. 

“But as I stand here in front of you all, I make a very important realisation. No words could describe my mother. There aren't enough words to describe how incredible she was, how CARING she was. My mother had me when she was 19 years old. She had my brother at 18. She put her entire life on hold to look after us, to raise us and give us the best life she and my father could do. And when my father passed away, she took sole responsibility of us, of feeding us, providing clothes for us, providing us a good life, the best life anyone could ask for. Despite the condition my mum had, despite the years of pain she went through, she never once let it get her spirits down. She was still as bubbly as she could be, and she was still the woman I grew up idolising.” I say with a smile glancing at the photos. 

“My mother was and still is the strongest person I have ever known. My mother will be with me, with both of us, for the rest of our lives.” I say tapping my heart over my chest. I wipe my eyes and sit down as Peter takes the stand. Peter stands at the pedestal explaining about how he felt about our mothers passing and begins talking about caring for her. 

“Our mother deteriorated after several years of fighting her disease, caring for her was some of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.” Peter says and I feel myself getting angry. Remus rests his hand on my shoulder squeezing softly and I feel myself calming down. He continues talking about the pain and issues he had having to look after our mother. He finally finishes his speech and retakes his position besides me as Remus calms me down. The Vicar continues the rest of the ceremony before the casket is carried out towards my mum's grave. They lower the casket as I stand besides Remus and James blocking the rest of the ceremony. The ceremony finishes and every slowly disappears from the grave. I look around and see Peter nodding along to whatever someone was saying. I shake my head, loosening the tie from around my neck as I walk into the forest nearby, needing to be away from people. I close my eyes leaning on a nearby tree letting my emotions get the best of me. I let out a weak sob as it tears itself from my lips. I slide down the tree collapsing to my knees as I bury my face in my arms, my shoulders shaking from my cries. I hear someone walk over to me so I quickly wipe my face trying to stop my tears from falling. I feel someone rest their hand on my shoulder, so I look up and see Regulus watching me, a soft smile on his face. 

“Hey…” He mutters softly and I offer him a fake smile. Regulus sees the tears on my face and he pulls me into him, hugging me tightly as I sob into his chest. I grip onto the blazer of his suit, feeling my tears wet the material under me. Regulus slides down, sitting besides me and pulling me into his chest. I rest my head on him, keeping my eyes closed. I feel him run his hand through my hair pressing soft kisses to my head. He rocks us back and forth whispering softly into my head as I calm down. 

“Hey guys…” Remus says softly approaching us. I look up and offer him a weak smile. Regulus smiles at Remus as he walks over, sitting opposite the two of us. 

“What got you so upset Zach?” Remus asks softly. I rub my eyes as Regulus runs his hand through my hair gently, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. 

“Peter’s speech… it was all lies.” I say and Remus frowns. 

“What do you mean?” He asks me, confused. 

“Peter never looked after my mother. I did it all myself. Peter never knew how to look after mum. He didn’t know the medications she took. He didn’t know what times to give them to her, hell he doesn’t even know how much fucking money I owe!” I say truthfully. 

“You owe money?” Regulus asks me and I nod. 

“Mum's medical fees cost more than I could have saved for, andI already spent everything we had saved up and everything left to me from mum's inheritance. There only thing left is Peter’s inheritance, something he wouldn’t give up for anyone.” I admit. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Regulus asks me softly. 

“It’s not something I want to talk about.” I admit and Regulus frowns but nods kissing my head again. 

“So Peter lied about it all?” Remus asks me and I nod. 

“Peter knows nothing about our mum's condition, he hasn't visited her in 3 years.” I tell him and he nods. 

“I’ll hex him. I swear I’ll hex him.” I hear Regulus say, standing up and taking his wand from his suit. I shake my head, standing up and taking his hand. 

“Reg you can’t go out there.” I tell him and he shakes his head. 

“Why can’t I? He’s been lying about everything.” Regulus says and I rest my hand on his wand. 

“If you do, everyone will know about us.” I tell him and he shrugs. 

“I don’t care okay! I don’t care if everyone knows about us, about the fact I’m gay! I care about you!” Reg tells me and I stand up taller. 

“What do you mean?” I ask him and he sighs running a hand through his hair. 

“I spoke to Sirius and Remus. I don’t care how people see me Zach. I won’t let people disrespect and lie about you and the things you’ve done.” Regulus tells me. I look him in the eyes, trying to find any hint of a lie, but find none. I smile softly moving my hand to his cheek. 

“You mean that?” I ask softly. He nods, setting his free hand on my hip. 

“I don’t CARE who knows Zach. I just want you to be happy.” He tells me and I smile softly, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. I pull away soon after and let his hand go. 

“Just… before you say anything, please. Let me talk to him first?” I ask Regulus and he nods softly. 

“Fine, but only because I like you.” He tells me and I smile shaking my head. Regulus kisses my head softly. Remus smiles at the both of us. 

“We better head back.” Remus tells us and I nod. I feel Regulus’ eyes on my head and I smile slightly. He kisses me softly and the three of us walk back out of the forest. I stuff my hands into my pockets as we walk over to the group. I see Peter watching me, glaring at me as he sees me standing next to Regulus glaring at the both of us. 

“I told you to stay away from him Zach.” Peter tells me and I roll my eyes. 

“You say a lot of things Peter, all of them are lies.” I tell him standing taller. 

“Name me something I’ve lied about?” Peter says and I scoff. 

“Let’s start with everything you’ve said about our mother for one. You lied about looking after her, you lied about taking care of her. You hadn’t seen our mother for three years.” I tell him and he shakes his head. 

“That’s a lie.” Peter tells me and I roll my eyes. 

“How much are mum's medical bills every month? How much is rent? How much on utilities do I have to spend?” I ask him, feeling my anger grow. Peter looks back at me surprised. 

“Rent is 10 Galleons, Utilities are 15, and Mums medical bills are 120 Galleons. A. MONTH. Peter. You don’t know that because you never looked after her! I did!” I shout. 

“I looked after her. I watched her die Peter. I watched her completely forget who I was and think I was YOU!” I tell him as tears fall down my cheeks. Regulus rests his hand on my back to calm me down. 

“Get away from my brother.” Peter tells Regulus who stands taller watching him. 

“Yeah? And what are you going to do?” Regulus asks glaring at Peter. 

“You don’t know my brother. You don’t know me.” Peter says and Regulus scoffs. 

“I know your brother better than you do.” Regulus says and Peter scoffs. 

“You know my brothers a raging fag?” Peter asks and I feel my body tense as Regulus pulls his wand from his pocket. I see Regulus point his wand at Peter, who’s eyes fill with fear. 

“You wouldn’t do anything. Zach wouldn’t let you.” Peter says and I smile softly, reaching down and connecting Regulus' hand with mine. Peter drops his eyes to our hands before looking back at us. 

“I maybe a raging fag as you put it Peter, but I know honesty and I know a good man when I see one. I spent YEARS, hating you. Wishing I wasn’t related to you, hating myself for everything I was.” I tell him as I wipe my eyes. 

“Regulus made me feel NORMAL. He made me feel SAFE Peter, something YOU should have done. I maybe gay, but Regulus makes me feel loved.” I tell Peter as he watches me closely. 

“You may be my brother, but Regulus is my future. If he wants to hex you for the comments you make then so be it. You do not get to disrespect me, to disrespect my life, you do NOT get to disrespect the man I want to be with. You do not get to disrespect OUR mothers legacy to make yourself seem braver to these guys.” I tell him angrily. I look around and see the boys watching me with wide eyes, pride forming on James and Sirius’ eyes. 

“Make another comment Pettigrew, I dare you.” Regulus glares at Peter who’s face falters. 

“Reg come on. Let’s just go, leave him here to deal with what he’s done.” I tell Regulus squeezing his hand tightly. Regulus looks over at me and nods, putting his wand away, before pulling me into him. I wrap my arms around his waist as he presses a delicate kiss to my forehead. 

“We’ll see you guys back at school.” I tell the other Marauders and Peter before the two of us walk off. Regulus and I walk into the trees surrounding the graveyard as we wait for Professor McGonagall to arrive. I let out a soft laugh as I lean against a tree, running a hand through my hair. 

“Did that just happen?” I ask and Regulus nods with a smile. 

“It did.” He tells me, rubbing my cheek softly. I smile softly and lean up, wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him softly feeling him melt into the kiss, his arms wrapping around my waist pulling me closer. I smile widely pulling away and resting my head on his, my hand falling to his neck. 

“You never fail to amaze me.” Regulus tells me, rubbing my back softly. 

“What do you mean?” I ask him gently. 

“The first day I met you, one of the first things I heard about was how you hexed a third year for disrespecting your brother, the same brother that did nothing for you. Then I see you, sat in the corner of the Great Hall with your glasses half way down your nose, a frown on your face as you sit entranced by whatever book you were reading, your lips mumbling the words on the pages.” Regulus says rubbing my cheek softly. 

“You noticed that stuff?” I ask a deep blush forming on my cheeks. 

“Of course I noticed. I couldn’t think of anyone other than you.” Regulus tells me. 

“Everything you did seemed to captivate me. Then, the day we were in potions for the first time, you made that Wiggenweld potion as if you’ve seen it made hundreds of times before, you knew what to do instantaneously, and I wanted to know more.” He tells me and I bite my lip, turning my head away as I feel my cheeks heat up. Regulus smiles softly, tilting my head to look at him. 

“I pay attention to it all, because it’s YOU. It’s all you. You mean the world to me Zach, I just didn’t know what it was before.” Regulus tells me and I smile softly, kissing him again. 

“If it’s any consolation, you’ve captured my attention since the first day I saw you on the platform our first day.” I tell him and he smiles softly kissing me gently, our lips barely touching. 

“Sorry to interrupt.” I hear James call. 

“But Professor McGonagall is waiting for us.” James says and I nod rubbing Regulus’ neck softly. 

“Thank you James.” Regulus tells him, interlocking our hands. 

“We’ll talk more when we get back to school? Privately?” Regulus asks and I nod with a smile.


	8. I love you

**November 18th 1973**

I walk through the courtyard of the castle letting my hand fall through my hair as I pass by students talking amongst themselves, laughing at inside jokes between themselves. I smile softly as I walk towards the Gryffindor common room wanting to change before my classes. I feel someone grab onto my arm and pull me into a small closet so I grab the wall to stop myself from falling over. I look over and see Regulus watching me with a sheepish smile. 

“Reg, you REALLY need to stop doing this to me.” I say with a laugh and he nods messing with his hands. 

“I know, I know.” He admits looking down softly. I move over to him and take his hand in mine. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask him softly, seeing the nerves in his face. 

“I’m gonna come out to my parents.” He tells me and I watch him closely. 

“Are you sure Regulus?” I ask him and he nods. 

“I’m done hiding who I am, I’m done hiding us.” Reg tells me softly. I smile gently and rub his cheek. 

“No matter what happens, I’ll be by your side.” I tell him as he wraps his arms around my neck. I move mine to his hips pulling him closer. 

“It’s you and me Reg. Always. No matter what your parents say, no matter what anyone says.” I whisper to Regulus who nods softly, gently brushing our lips together. I smile softly and kiss him, feeling him tug on my hair as I pull him close to me. His hands tangle up in my hair as I push my hands up his jumper, resting just under his shirt. Regulus pulls away, burying his face into my neck. I wrap my arms around him, pulling him close to my body and kiss his temple whispering sweet nothings into his ear. 

“I’m scared.” Regulus admits and I nod. 

“I know Reg, but no matter what happens you have me, you have James, you have Remus, you have Sirius. We are your family Regulus, I lov-, I c-care about you.” I stutter out covering up my mistake. I feel Regulus smile gently as he presses a gentle kiss to my neck. 

“Just don’t force yourself Reg. If you don’t feel safe or you’re too scared then don’t do it. I don’t mind hiding and stealing kisses between class while we hide in the Astronomy Tower or when you pull me into these bloody closets.” I say with a laugh and Regulus smiles gently, moving his head from my neck and rubbing my cheek. 

“But you shouldn’t have to do this, not for me, not for anyone.” He says and I shake my head. 

“I do it for you, because you are EVERYTHING to me, okay? You are everything, you have been for the past 14 months. I’d do anything for you, even if it meant laying my life on the line for you Regulus.” I tell him truthfully and he smiles softly watching me. 

“You’d do that? For me?” He asks me and I nod. 

“I would.” I admit and I see Regulus smile, kissing me softly as I hear someone calling for me. I groan and pull away from the kiss looking over at the door. 

“That’ll be James. I told him I’d meet him in the common room after my walk, but SOMEONE distracted me.” I say with a smile and Regulus nods with a smirk. 

“Before you go?” Regulus asks me and I frown looking at him. 

“What?” I ask him softly. He smiles and moves closer, grabbing my arms and pushing me up against the wall, kissing me roughly. I tangle my hands in his hair as he presses into me, pinning me against the wall, his body keeping me in place. Regulus disconnects our lips and tilts my head to the side, attacking my neck leaving soft kisses and biting softly. I bite my lip roughly tangling my hands in his hair as he soothes his bite on my neck, pulling away with the skin of my neck between his teeth briefly. I feel Regulus pull away, resting his hand besides my head, watching me with a smirk. 

“W-what was t-that for?” I ask breathlessly, I feel Regulus move his hand to my neck admiring his work. 

“Let’s just say it’s something to remember me by. Until I get you alone again.” Regulus tells me softly, kissing my cheek softly. 

“You better go.” Regulus says pulling away. 

“You can’t do that to me and then leave! That’s evil.” I whine and he laughs. 

“Go, you can plan your revenge later.” Regulus tells me and I groan picking my bag off the floor. 

“You’re mean. I’ll see you later.” I tell him and he nods watching me as I leave the closet, pulling my scarf tight around my neck. I walk away and finally see James. 

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” He tells me and I give him a weak smile. 

“Sorry, I just needed some air.” I tell him and he nods. 

“Is everything okay?” James asks me softly and I pull my scarf tighter. 

“E-everything’s fine James. Let’s go?” I ask and James nods with a small smirk forming on his face. 

“You realise it's warm outside right? Why do you need a scarf?” James asks me, his tone of voice betraying his humour. 

“I guess I’m just cold.” I lie and James stands in front of me with his eyebrow raised. 

“Really? Because you walked around in snow last year with only shorts on, now what’s the real reason you’re hiding your neck?” James asks and I look around to make sure we’re alone before I move the scarf, showing him the hickey. 

“Holy Merlin. Did you and Regulus have sex!?” James asks and I shush him. 

“Shut up! No, we didn’t have sex!” I tell James tying the scarf up again. 

“So then why did he attack your neck?” James asks and I run a hand through my hair. 

“I don’t know. He said it was something to remember me by until we could be alone again.” I say a blush forming on my cheeks. James smirks and wraps his arm around my shoulders as we walk. 

“It seems to me that young Regulus isn’t as innocent as you make out.” James says and I shove him. 

“We’re 12 James. None of that is happening, not for a while. He’s just conflicted. Besides, he isn’t even officially my boyfriend.” I say with a frown. James drops his arm as he looks at me. 

“So what are you two?” He asks me and I shrug. 

“I don’t honestly know. Anytime I try to approach the topic of asking what we are, he shuts down. He’s ready to come out to his parents and he tells me he doesn’t want to hide us but he won’t even tell me what WE are.” I admit and James frowns. 

“Let me talk to him?” James suggests and I shake my head. 

“It’s fine. I’m sure when Regulus is ready we’ll talk about it.” I say shrugging my shoulders. 

“You seem to be doing everything for him, what is he doing for you?” James asks and I sigh. 

“He was there for me when my mum died. He stayed by my side when I cried, when I have my panic attacks. He’s always there.” I say with a sad smile. 

“You get panic attacks?” James asks and I nod. “I have done since I was 6.” I admit and he nods. 

“How come you never told us?” James questions and I shrug. 

“It’s not really something I wanted to admit. Regulus found out about them after he walked in on me having one in the Astronomy Tower. If it hadn't been for that he wouldn’t know.” I tell James and he nods. 

“Look, I know you don’t want to impede on our friendship with your brother, but we love you too. You’re like a brother to the rest of us, to the three of us. We just want to protect you and look out for you. It’s why we ask so many questions about you and Regulus, we want to make sure you’re both okay, that you’re both safe.” James says and I smile softly. 

“I know, thank you James. Can we just, not mention the whole neck thing?” I ask with a laugh and James smiles.

“Fine, but you’ll need to find a better way to cover it than that scarf.” He tells me and I nod with a smile. 

“I’ll work on it.” I say with a chuckle. We walk into the common room. I quickly head to my dorm and find a way to cover the hickey lining my neck that Regulus had left me. I let out a soft sigh, quickly casting a covering spell before walking back down to the common room.

**December 12th 1973**

I walk into the Great Hall pulling my bag over my shoulder tighter as I take my seat at the Gryffindor table. I run a hand through my hair as I pull my Dark Arts and Potions homework from it, as well as my ink and quill, setting them out in front of me. I let out a soft sigh, rubbing my face as I hadn’t gotten much sleep lately. I shake my head, widening my eyes and pushing my glasses up my face as I try to focus. I lay parchment out on the table and begin writing about different Potions that Professor Slughorn asked me to complete for extra credit. I finish the paragraph as I feel someone sit in front of me. I look up and see Regulus watching me with a soft smile. I smile back before turning my attention back to my work as he pulls out his own parchment, working on whatever he had too. I bite the inside of my lip softly as I feel Regulus’ ankles wrap around my leg, letting out a soft smile. 

“If you wanna play footsies with me it’s probably not smart to do it here.” I mutter softly and he smiles. 

“I don’t care, remember?” He whispers back and I roll my eyes. The two of us sit in silence as we finish our work before I feel someone sitting next to me. I look up and see Narcissa sitting besides me, with Lucius besides Regulus. I sit up taller and I see Reg glance up, his body tensing in response. I turn back to my work trying to py the two besides us no attention, before I feel Lucius tug the parchment from in front of me. I lift my quill so I didn’t ruin the work watching Lucius carefully as Regulus sits up. 

“Give him his work back.” Regulus tells Lucius who smirks at him. 

“You want me to be nice to this little rat?” Lucius asks and I see Regulus clenching his fist. 

“What is it about him Regulus? Is it the fact he’s a blood traitor like your brother? Or is it the fact he’s a dirty little homo?” Lucius godes and I shake my head at Regulus, begging him to stay calm. 

“That’s enough Lucius. Leave them alone.” I hear Narcissa say from besides me. 

“Quiet Narcissa. This is a personal matter between men, between families.” He tells her. 

“Regulus IS my family Lucius, and I will not have you disrespecting him.” Narcissa says and Regulus gives her a soft smile. 

“I know about your filthy little relationship.” Lucius tells us and I sit up taller. 

“W-we aren’t in a relationship.” I tell Lucius and he smirks at me. 

“Is that so? So what about the comments? The glances? The marks? The messy ties?” Lucius asks and Regulus shakes his head. 

“We aren’t dating.” I say firmly. 

“Those things aren’t because of us, I’m dating someone.” I lie, seeing Lucius look at me with a smirk. 

“And who would that be?” He asks me. 

“That’s none of your business.” Regulus says glancing at me. 

“Fine. I won’t mention your pitiful relationship if you do something for me.” Lucius tells Regulus. Regulus looks at me and I nod slightly. 

“What do you want from me?” Regulus asks, keeping his eyes down. 

“That, we’ll discuss another time. You’ll meet me the day before holiday, we’ll talk then.” Lucius says standing up from the bench. 

“I’ll keep your secrets.” He says before walking away. I glance at Narcissa who had her eyes trained on Regulus. 

“I don’t care if you’re gay Regulus. None of us do. But if you are gay, and you’re dating Zach I don’t care. I’ll ensure Lucius doesn’t tell anyone, just meet him and talk to him. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.” Narcissa says pointing at me and gesturing to the scars on my neck. I pull my robes closer around my body as she stands up, following behind Lucius. I hear Regulus let out a deep sigh and I glance around the room. 

“I n-need some air.” I mutter and Regulus watches me softly. 

“Astronomy Tower, 5 minutes?” He asks me and I nod. I collect my belongings and quickly make my way out of the Great Hall, almost knocking into James. 

“Zach? Everything okay?” He asks. I nod quickly and continue walking. 

“Wait Zach, what’s gotten into you?” James asks, taking my arm gently. 

“I-it’s nothing James, please. I need to go.” I beg him and he nods. 

“I’ll explain at a later date, just not now.” I say before quickly walking away. I toss my bag over my shoulder and speed walk through the corridors, past students who spoke around me as if nothing was occurring. I arrive at the tower, closing the door behind me and letting out a deep breath, panting softly. I set my bag in the corner as I lean against the pillar in the front of me resting on my arm. I hear someone walk up the stairs a few minutes later and I feel their arms wrap around my waist. I feel the scent of Regulus’ cologne fill my nose so I turn in his arms, hugging him tightly. 

“You didn’t have to lie back there.” Regulus whispers and I nod. 

“Yes I did, we both know I did.” I tell him as I move away from him. I feel him take my arm and shake my head moving his arm off mine. 

“Zach please.” Regulus whispers and I shake my head. 

“What are we, Regulus? Seriously? No more avoiding the question.” I ask him turning to face him. He sighs deeply, running a hand through his hair. 

“Zach please don’t make me.” Regulus begs me and I shake my head. 

“I care about your Reg, but I really don’t feel like you care for me.” I admit and he shakes his head. 

“I do, I really do care about you.” He tells me, moving closer to me. I raise my hand to stop him as I run my left hand through my hair. 

“You do that when you’re stressed.” Regulus says and I nod. 

“I am stressed Regulus. Anytime I ask you what we are you avoid the question, but you kiss me, and you tease me. You mess me with me in ways you probably don’t even understand and you refuse to give me a proper answer.” I tell him truthfully. 

“You’re my best friend Zach!” Regulus tells me and I shake my head as tears fill my eyes. 

“Is that all I am to you? Your FRIEND?” I ask with a weak laugh. 

“I’m in love with you Regulus. God I have been since last year.” I finally admit, feeling the weight lift off my chest. 

“Y-you’re what?” Regulus asks and I walk over to the railing, leaning against it as I watch him. 

“I love you, Regulus Arcturus Black.” I admit with a laugh. 

“I’ve held that in for a year and a half, watching you with Hestia, seeing how you were with her. It fucking killed me.” I say running a hand through my hair. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks me and I smile. 

“You were happy. And then when THIS started, whatever it is, I thought you may have actually felt the same way for me.” I say walking to my bag and picking it up. 

“But all you see me as is your friend, and I should have known better. You needed a rebound and that’s all I was to you.” I say wiping my eyes and sliding my bag over my shoulders. 

“Zach please… You aren’t just a rebound to me.” Regulus tells me and I shake my head. 

“You kissed me the week after you broke up with Hestia. That’s all I was. I’ve lied for you, I let you walk all over me, Merlin I let you treat me like trash! We kept whatever we were to closets, Regulus!” I say pulling my hair on my head. Regulus shakes his head walking over to me. 

“Zach…” He says hesitantly and I shake my head wiping my eyes. 

“Figure out what you want Regulus. Because I can’t keep destroying myself for you, if you don’t feel the same way I do.” I say weakly as I let my tears fall from my face. I turn around and quickly leave the Astronomy Tower. I wipe my eyes refusing to let the situation get to me as I walk back towards the Gryffindor Common Room. I let myself in and see James and Remus sitting by the fire. 

“Hey J, Remus?” I call out my voice breaking. I see the two of them turn around quickly standing to face me. 

“Zach?” James asks softly. I drop my bag on the floor and wipe my eyes. 

“C-can we talk?” I ask them and the two nod. Remus picks up my bag and James wraps his arm around my shoulders. 

“Come on, we can head to the Quidditch pitch. It’ll be empty.” James tells me and I nod wiping my eyes roughly. Remus rubs my back softly, and I take my bag from him. The three of us walk out of the room and I see someone walking towards us. 

“Remus?” The person asks and Remus offers them a soft smile. 

“Hey Lily.” he says gently. 

“Is everything okay? We were meant to study together.” The student asks confused and Remus sighs running a hand through my hair. 

“I’m really sorry. Something came up, can we rain check? I’ll make it up to you I promise.” Remus says sadly, clearly annoyed with himself for forgetting. 

“Yeah of course, is everything alright?” The student asks, glancing at me. 

“Remus if you have plans go, I’ll be okay.” I tell Remus who shakes his head. 

“You need me right now.” Remus says and I sigh. 

“It's fine, really. I hope whatever is going on resolves itself for you. Remus I’ll see you in Transfig tomorrow?” She asks and Remus nods. 

“Bye Lily.” He says as the girl walks past us. I rub my face as we continue walking. We eventually arrive at the pitch and I look around seeing it completely empty. 

“What’s happened?” James asks softly as we sit down in the middle of the field. I run a hand through my hair, loosening the tie from around my neck. 

“I think Lucius knew about Regulus and I.” I admit and Remus nods watching me carefully. 

“Explain?” He asks me. I see James sit up, wanting to know if Lucius had done something. 

“Well, Regulus and I were sitting doing our homework when him and Narcissa walked over to us. He picked up my homework reading it and when Regulus told him to give it back, he started making comments about the fact I was gay. I didn’t care but I could see that it was getting to Reg so I silently begged him not to do anything. Lucius said he wouldn’t tell anyone as long as Regulus did something for him, but wouldn’t say what it was. He said that the two would talk in private. He left and Narcissa did soon after but I told Regulus I needed some air. The pair of us agreed to meet in the Astronomy Tower, which is when I ran into you.” I say wiping my eyes. 

“And what happened when you got to the Tower?” James asks softly as Remus rubs my back. 

“I told Regulus the truth.” I say with a shrug. 

“What did you say?” Remus probes gently. 

“I told him that I feel like he doesn’t care about me, and when I asked him what we were, he told me I was his best friend.” I say with a weak laugh, wiping the tears that fell from my cheeks. 

“Oh Merlin.” James mutters and I shake my head. 

“I told him the truth. I told him that I loved him and have done for months. He hesitated and didn’t say it back. I told Regulus that whenever he was ready to talk, whenever he figured out what he wanted to come and find me. Until then I’m done destroying myself for someone who doesn’t seem to give a damn about me.” I say with a shrug. I feel Remus and James both hug me tightly, as I rest my head on James’ shoulder. 

“Did I do the right thing?” I ask softly and the two nod. 

“You did what you had too. You can’t just keep being a secret for him Zach, it isn’t fair. You have feelings too and you deserve to be with someone who feels the same about you.” Remus says and I nod. 

“I’m gonna go talk to Sirius and Regulus. See if I can figure out if the two of them have spoken about what’s going on.” James says standing up. 

“There’s no point James, Regulus and Sirius don’t talk unless it's as an argument. The pair of them get on like water and oil.” I explain and James looks at me confused. 

“Water and Oil?” He asks. I laugh softly. 

“Sorry, it’s a muggle thing. Water and Oil don’t mix. At all, no matter how much you try to force it.” I say and James nods in realisation. 

“You should probably stick with us for a while, give you and Regulus some space, give each other some time to work out what it is you want. It’ll help you both in the long run if you think being with each other is something you’ll want.” Remus tells me and I nod softly. 

“When did you get all wise Mr Lupin? Last time we spoke about Regulus you told me you knew nothing.” I say with a chuckle and he smiles pushing me softly. 

“Lily and I spoke about a muggle author, someone she read a lot of. She let me borrow one of her books.” Remus says and I see James pull his knees to his chest. 

“Everything okay?” I ask him and he nods softly. 

“James is basically in love with Lily, but she doesn’t seem to care. He’s been trying to get her attention for the past three years but nothing has worked.” Remus explains and I nod. 

“Have you ever tried asking her? Like being honest with her? Or has it always been these outlandish stunts and public things?” I ask and he smiles softly. 

“It’s always been public.” He admits. I chuckle softly. 

“Not everyone likes public displays James. Maybe get to know her a bit more before you start proclaiming your undying love for someone.” I tease him and he shoves me slightly. 

“Are you feeling better now?” Remus asks and I nod. 

“Thank you, for dealing with my unstable self. I guess I just needed someone to tell me if I was being an idiot or not.” I admit and James nods. 

“You were doing the right thing, no matter how hard it is.” James says looking up at the sky, seeing the sun begin to set. 

“Come on, we should head back to the castle, curfew is soon and dinner is about to start. We can’t let Sirius eat all the sweets again.” James says and I smile with a nod. The three of us begin the long descent back to the castle, and I smile softly as I hear the two men besides me talking about Quidditch and their plans for the Christmas’ they planned to have with their families. I tuck my hands into the pockets of my trousers as I walk slightly behind them. Maybe things would work out. Maybe they wouldn’t, but whatever it would be, it would be for the better. It had to be.


	9. "I'm Lily, Lily Evans."

**December 18th 1973**

I laugh along to something Remus had said as we walk down the corridor of the castle. I smile softly running a hand through my hair as James and Peter talk about the quidditch matches in January once everyone returns from their breaks. I look around the corridor and see Regulus watching me from across the courtyard and I look away rubbing the back of my neck. I see Sirius watching me softly. 

“Have you two still not worked this out?” He asks and I shake my head. 

“I told him when he’s ready to talk about it and he’s made his mind up we’ll talk, he hasn’t approached me. He just kind of stares from a distance.” I say and Sirius sighs rubbing his face. 

“He’s an idiot sometimes.” Sirius mutters and I smile weakly with a nod. The five of us walk into the Great Hall and I sit besides Remus and opposite Sirius, pulling my book from my bag. I open the page and begin reading, drowning out the loud conversations and shouts of the marauders as they sit on the table around me talking about their half terms. I divulge into the words, letting them fill my brain and provide a welcomed distraction for everything that had been happening with Regulus. I run a hand through my hair, resting my hand on my neck as I let my thoughts wander. 

“Why hadn’t Regulus said anything to me since that night? Was I right about only being a rebound for him? Had I ruined everything by admitting how I felt for him?” I ask myself over and over again until I feel someone set their hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Sirius watching me carefully. 

“Are you okay?” He whispers to me and I nod with a weak smile. 

“I’m fine Sirius.” I tell him and he nods. 

“Good, because Regulus is walking over here.” Sirius tells me and I frown looking around and seeing Reg was indeed walking over to us, fixing his tie. 

“Zach, c-can we talk?” He asks me and I look around at the boys, seeing them watching Regulus carefully whilst Peter glared at him. I let out a slight sigh as I stand up, seeing Remus stand up besides me. I offer him a weak smile and shake my head. 

“It’s fine. I’ll be okay.” I mutter and he nods sitting back down. I turn back to Regulus and follow him out of the hall and into an empty classroom. I lean against the wall of the classroom as Regulus stands opposite me, his hands tucked into his pockets. 

“What do you want Regulus? I have things to do.” I tell him folding my arms over my chest and watching him, a deadpan look on my face. Regulus swallows deeply but nods rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I love you.” he tells me and I freeze slightly. 

“Six days ago we were just friends to you, and now you love me?” I ask with a raised eyebrow. I see him nod as he drops his hand. 

“I’m an idiot, I know I am, but I didn’t know how to tell you what I feel, I got scared that maybe you weren’t into me and that maybe I was just living in a fantasy land. I thought maybe you’d change your mind about loving me and I got scared about losing you, which is stupid because I know I’m the reason I lost you in the first place.” Regulus rambles and I raise an eyebrow listening to him as he talks. “I don’t know how to talk about how I feel, it’s not something my parents ever spoke about, so I don’t fully know how to tell you how I feel about you, but I do love you, it took me a while to realise it. Narcissa helped talk some sense into me. Without you I’ve been fucking miserable Zach, you made me happier than anyone I’ve ever known and you’ve only been in my life 15 months.” He says with a nervous laugh. I let a small smile form on my face as I drop my hands from across my chest. 

“I get it, if you never want to talk to me again, and if you think I’m a waste of time, or that I’m not worth loving or being around because all I seem to do is fuck up when it comes to you. You make me so nervous that I can’t formulate proper sentences and I can’t stop myself talking about you or to you.” Regulus rambles and I smile, resting my hands to his face and kissing him softly, capturing his unspoken words before they left his lips. I feel his hands move to my hips pulling me closer, feeling him kiss back softly. Our lips fight for dominance before I pull away, my eyes still closed shut, a soft pant falling from my mouth as I hear Regulus laugh softly. 

“W-what was that for?” He asks me, his voice barely above a soft whisper as I finally open my eyes, seeing him watching me softly. 

“You talk too much.” I say softly and he smiles. I move his hair off his face and cup his cheek softly before I pull away from him completely. 

“I do love you Regulus, but I can’t keep being second best to you. I can’t keep putting you before myself like I have been since October, I can’t keep being the only person to put effort into whatever WE are.” I tell him truthfully and he nods. 

“I know, I know that now. I was being selfish, making you hide who you were behind closet doors or behind the door of the Astronomy Tower, it wasn’t fair on you. You shouldn’t have to hide yourself from everyone because of me. I was scared of people seeing who I really am in case they think I’m weak, but I don’t care anymore. Nobody is as important to me than you are. I mean it Zach.” He tells me taking my hand softly. 

“I can’t just keep taking your work for it, Reg. You have to prove it to me, you have to show me you mean it.” I tell him and he nods. 

“I will, I promise. Starting today, if you’ll let me?” He hesitantly and I frown, confused. 

“What do you mean?” I ask him softly and he smiles nervously. 

“I don’t wanna hide us. I mean it. I don’t care if people talk. I want you.” He tells me and I smile softly. 

“What exactly are you asking me Black?” I ask with a small smirk. I see him let out a soft laugh as he rubs the back of his neck softly. 

“I… I’m asking you to be my boyfriend… Officially.” Regulus says nervously, his hand shaking softly. I smile and let out a soft laugh before I interlock our hands together and rub his neck gently. 

“Of course I’ll be your boyfriend you muppet.” I tell him and he lets out a sigh of relief. 

“Okay thank god because I completely thought I messed up, you kind of just stared at me and I couldn’t tell what you were thinking.” Regulus rambles and I smile softly pecking his lips. 

“You really DO talk too much.” I say with a laugh and he nods, a soft blush forming on his cheeks. 

“I know… You make me nervous, what can I say?” Regulus tells me and I chuckle softly. I feel Regulus lift my hand and press a soft kiss to the back of my palm. 

“So what do we do about the entire school out there?” I ask him and he shrugs. 

“Who cares what they think? We can just be us. Completely and unapologetically.” He tells me and I smile softly. 

“You sure?” I ask and Regulus nods. 

“I’m not ashamed of you, I’m not ashamed of who I am. I don’t care who wants to say anything about it.” Regulus tells me and I nod. 

“You leave for Christmas holiday tomorrow. How do I know you won’t come back and change your mind?” I ask him softly, my voice shaking slightly. Regulus cups my cheek, tilting my head to watch him carefully. 

“Something will happen this half term I know it will, but I PROMISE you, I will still want you when I get back. I’ll want you forever Zach. You’re my future. I love you, and I don’t want to lose you again.” Regulus tells me and I smile softly. 

“I love you too.” I whisper softly as he connects our lips gently. I smile against him as I tangle my hands in his hair pulling him closer. The two of us stay in that position for a while before pulling away. I let out a soft smile as I see Regulus watching me carefully. 

“I should probably head back to the hall. The boys will be waiting for me.” I tell Regulus and he nods. 

“I’ll walk you?” He suggests and I smile softly. 

“What do we say if they ask?” I ask him softly and he smiles, moving my hair off my face. 

“You tell them the truth. Whatever makes you comfortable.” He tells me and I smile rubbing his cheek before I nod. 

“Okay, let’s go, Sirius is probably going through my bag as we speak. He wants to find my stash of chocolate to give to Remus.” I say with a laugh and Regulus smiles. I feel him intertwine our hands and I look down with a soft smile. The two of us walk out of the classroom and into the Great Hall. I look around and see everyone paying attention to their own things as I feel Regulus pull me towards the Gryffindor Table. I hear someone gasp so I turn and see James watching us with a shocked look on his face. I bite my lip softly as we arrive. 

“I’ll see you later?” Regulus asks me and I nod with a soft blush on my face. 

“I’ll see you later Reg.” I tell him and he kisses me softly before leaving. I sit down, feeling my face deepen in colour and heat up as James, Remus and Sirius watch me. 

“What the fuck was that?” Peter asks me annoyed. I roll my eyes and pick my book up. 

“Piss off Peter.” I mutter and I see him glaring at Regulus. 

“What did we miss?” Sirius asks me shocked and I smile. 

“I don’t know what you’re on about.” I say biting back a smile. I feel Remus slap my arm slightly and I laugh biting my lip and running a hand through my hair. 

“We aren’t doing this Pettigrew, get talking.” James says and I laugh. 

“You guys are worse than the girls in my year for gossip.” I say with a laugh and James smiles. 

“We know, GET TALKING!” James and Sirius say at the same time and I smile widely. 

“You were gone for like 10 minutes.” Remus tells me and I nod. I set my book down as the trio watches me, whilst Peter completes his work. 

“He told me he was sorry for everything that he did to me, for making me hide who I was for him. And he told me he spoke to Narcissa, that she helped him realise he was in love with me.” I say letting my face form a wide smile as I think about what happened. 

“I told him I couldn’t keep being second to him and he told me I wouldn’t be. He said he didn’t care what other people thought about us, and that he doesn’t care if people talk. He knows he shouldn’t have made me hide who I was behind closet doors to make him happy and he knows he hasn’t been the best since whatever we were started.” I inform them and they nod. 

“So what are you two?” Sirius asks me and I run a hand through my hair. 

“Official? I guess.” I say with a laugh and James and Sirius cheer. I shake my head letting a smile form on my face as Remus rubs my back. 

“I’m glad you two worked it out. You finally have a smile on your face for the right reason.” Remus tells me and I smile. 

"Thank you. Without the stuff you and James told me, I don’t think we’d be here.” I admit and he smiles softly. 

“Okay you two, pack it in.” Remus tells James and Sirius who were still cheering about Regulus and I. I let out a soft laugh as the two finally calm down. 

“Peter you owe me 3 galleons!” Sirius shouts and I frown. 

“For what?” I ask confused. 

“Oh, Peter bet Sirius 3 galleons that you and Regulus were done forever. He said he knew something.” James tells me and I raise an eyebrow looking at Peter. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask and he rolls his eyes. 

“You shouldn’t be with HIM, Zach. You should be normal.” Peter tells me and I shake my head. 

“Fucking unbelievable.” I tell him. 

“He IS normal. Nothing about him is out of the ordinary Peter.” James says and he shakes his head. 

“I don’t care that you’re gay, but why him of all people?” Peter asks me and I scoff. 

“I get it. You’re mad because I’m getting somewhere with my life and you’re still stuck in the friendzone!” I tell him and he freezes. 

“What are you on about?” He asks and I roll my eyes. 

“Everyone can see it Peter. Everyone knows you’re lusting after the blonde girl, you make it obvious, but she isn’t into you! Get over it!” I tell him and he stands up. 

“Don’t EVER mention her. Uncle John was right, you are a freak.” Peter tells me and I roll my eyes, hearing James and Sirius stand up. 

“Don’t talk to him like that.” James says and I shake my head. 

“It’s fine.” I tell him as Peter walks off. I sigh and rub my face as the two sit back down. 

“You shouldn’t let him talk to you like that. He may be our best friend but that’s not okay.” Sirius tells me and I shrug. 

“It’s just because of Christmas. Our first Christmas without any actual family, he’s just stressed that’s all.” I tell them and they nod.

“What are you guys doing for Christmas anyway?” I ask the group. 

“Peter and I are staying with James this Christmas.” Remus tells me and I nod. 

“I’m going home. Gotta show my face at some point.” Sirius says with a weak smile and I nod sending him a supportive smile. 

“What are you doing Zach?” James asks me and I gesture around the room. 

“Staying here. I have nothing to really go home for, or anywhere TO go.” I admit and Remus frowns. 

“What do you mean?” He asks me and I let out a soft smile. 

“Mum left the house to me in her will, I had to pay the remaining lease off and move my stuff out. I don’t have anywhere to go.” I admit. 

“You’re homeless?” Remus asks and I nod. 

“Yeah. I guess so.” I say with a shrug. 

“You can come to mine for Christmas, mum and dad will love having another person!” James tells me and I shake my head. 

“It’s fine James, really. I think the peace of being here will help honestly.” I admit and he nods. 

“Only if you’re sure.” He tells me and I nod with a smile. 

“I am, don’t worry. I’m gonna head to bed, I’m pretty tired.” I tell them and they nod. I grab my stuff and say goodbye before walking to my dorm.

**December 19th 1973**

I look around the Gryffindor common room as the boys finish packing their stuff causing a wild commotion. 

“James give my scarf back!” Sirius shouts as James hides his scarf up high. I chuckle softly watching the two interacting. 

“Remus! Tell him to give it back.” Sirius calls to Remus who rolls his eyes, walking over and taking the scarf off James and giving it to him. 

“You’re like a child.” Remus tells Sirius who pouts. I smile softly as James walks over sitting besides me. 

“You sure you don’t wanna come to mine for Christmas?” He asks and I nod. 

“It’s probably not a good idea to keep Peter and I in four walls together after everything that’s happened this year.” I admit and James nods with a smile. 

“Well, there’s an extra room if you ever need it, alright? And you know where we are if you need an escape from this place.” James tells me and I smile. 

“I know, thank you James. I appreciate it.” I tell him and he nods standing up to grab his trunk. 

“Lads come on, we’re gonna miss the train if we don’t go now.” Remus tells the boys and they all grab their stuff. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and tuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans. I follow the four of them as they walk through the corridors laughing and joking about the term we just had, a small smile gracing my face. They set their trunks with the piles of others before they say goodbye to Sirius. I smile watching them from a distance to give them their time before Remus walks over. He hugs me tightly and I smile hugging him back. 

“Stay safe okay? There isn’t another full moon until you get back, so you should be okay. I also hid a bunch of chocolate in your bag, make sure Sirius doesn’t find it on the train?” I say and he laughs with a nod. 

“I got it. Don’t forget to write okay? I wanna make sure you’re okay.” Remus tells me and I nod. 

“I will. Go, enjoy your holiday.” I tell him and he nods with a smile. He walks back to James and Peter. I feel someone place their hand on my shoulder so I turn and see Sirius standing next to me. 

“Are you ready to go home?” I ask him and he shakes his head. 

“Not at all.” He says with a laugh and I smile slightly. 

“Stay safe, okay? Look after yourself.” I tell Sirius and he nods. 

“I will, and I’ll keep an eye out for Reg, I promise. I’ll keep him safe.” Sirius tells me and I nod with a smile. 

“Thank you Sirius. For being so cool with everything.” I tell him and he smiles. 

“I’d rather my brother date you than anyone else. I know he’s safe with you.” Sirius tells me and I smile softly looking at the floor. 

“I’ve gotta go. Enjoy Christmas Zach.” He tells me hugging me slightly. I rub his back before he walks off. I feel someone wrap their arms around my waist, so I rest my hand on top of theirs. I see Regulus place his head on my shoulder and I smile kissing his head. 

“You’re gonna miss the train if you don’t go now.” I tell him and he nods. 

“I know. I just didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to my boyfriend.” Regulus tells me and I let a blush form on my cheeks. I look around the courtyard feeling someone’s eyes on me. I see a ginger haired student watching us from the Great Hall, but I feel Regulus tilt my head as he moves to stand in front of me. 

“I’ll see you in January?” He asks me softly and I nod. 

“You will. People are watching.” I tell him and he smiles. 

“Let them. I don’t care, remember?” Regulus tells me and I smile softly. I see him lean forward and my eyes flutter close as he connects our lips together in a soft kiss. I smile softly and rub his neck softly before I pull away. 

“You really need to go Reg.” I tell him and he nods with a soft smile. 

“I love you Zach. Be safe, I promise I’ll write.” He tells me and I nod. 

“I love you too, now go. I don’t want you missing the train.” I tell him and he nods. He removes his arms from around my waist and walks off, glancing back at me. I watch him leave before letting out a soft sigh, running a hand through my hair and walking up the stairs to the Great Hall. I take my usual seat at the Gryffindor table and set my bag on the counter, pulling my textbooks from my bag and setting them in front of me. I see someone sitting opposite me so I look up and smile slightly, seeing the ginger haired girl from the courtyard sitting in front of me. We sit in silence for a while, as we both work before she sets her quill down and watches me. 

“I’m Lily, Lily Evans.” She tells me and I smile seeing her extended hand. 

“I’m Zach Pettigrew.” I tell her shaking her hand softly. 

“Wait! You’re Lily Evans!” I say the realisation clicking in my head. She lets out a laugh and nods. 

“Yeah that’s me?” She says confused. 

“Sorry, I just realised, you’re the girl James has been talking about.” I say with a laugh and she nods. 

“Yeah, I guess I am.” Lily says with a soft smile. 

“He’s been talking about me since first year apparently.” Lily tells me and I nod. 

“You were basically all he spoke about this year.” I admit and I see Lily grimace slightly. 

“You don’t seem too happy about that?” I say confused and she shakes her head. 

“He’s okay but he’s not my type, he just doesn’t seem to get that.” She says and I nod. 

“Yeah he is pretty full of himself sometimes. I’ve tried to knock him down a few pegs but it doesn’t seem to work.” I say jokingly and she laughs. 

“You seem to have no problems though.” Lily tells me and I see a soft smirk form on her face. I smile and bite my lip gently. 

“Y-you saw that?” I ask and she nods. 

“Of course I did, you were in the middle of the courtyard.” Lily tells me and I rub my face softly. 

“I don’t care if you’re gay Zach. It’s who you are, it’s not a choice. There’s nothing wrong with it. Plus my best friend is a lesbian.” She tells me and I let out a relieved sigh. 

“So, tell me about him.” Lily says and I laugh softly.

“What exactly do you want to know?” I ask softly and she smiles closing her textbooks. 

“How long have you two been together? How do your brothers feel and your parents?” Lily asks and I bite my lip softly. 

“Technically we’ve only been boyfriends for a day, we were complicated since October.” I admit and Lily frowns. 

“What do you mean?” She asks me. 

“He kissed me in a classroom after we had an argument about something. We didn’t talk for a few days and when we finally did talk he told me he cared about me but didn’t want to tell anyone, so we kept US behind closed doors, in broom closets, the Astronomy Tower or in empty classrooms. Someone found out and I had to lie about who we were to protect him, and I told him I couldn’t keep doing that. I asked what we were to him and he called me his best friend.” I say with a soft laugh as Lily gasps softly covering her face. 

“He did!?” She asks and I nod with a smile. 

“We didn’t talk for about a week or so, until he finally told me how he really felt about me and PROMISED me, that it wouldn’t get between us again.” I tell her and she lets out a relieved sigh. 

“Oh thank Merlin that he realised.” Lily says and I nod with a smile. 

“So what about your parents? Your brothers? How do they feel about you two?” She asks and I begin messing with my hands. 

“Sirius is supportive of us both, he doesn’t care if we’re both gay and dating. His parents don’t know yet, he’s coming out this holiday apparently, so we’ll see how that goes.” I say with a shrug and Lily rests her hand on mine. 

“What about your family? How do they feel?” She asks me and I let out a soft smile. 

“Peter is my only remaining family. My dad died when I was a year old, my uncle died when I was six, my mum died in October and both sets of my grandparents were dead by the time I was born.” I admit and I see her face drop. 

“Oh Zach I’m so sorry.” She says softly and I shake my head. 

“It’s okay, really. Peter isn’t really that supportive?” I say and she frowns. 

“What happened?” Lily asks, rubbing my hand softly. 

“He claims he doesn’t care about the fact I’m gay, he cares more about the fact I’m dating Regulus, claiming that he’s a Black, he’s evil and can’t be trusted.” I say rolling my eyes. 

“That’s ridiculous? He’s friends with Sirius and he isn’t like that? Clearly Regulus is different.” Lily says confused and I nod. 

“That’s what I told him!” I say with a laugh and she smiles. 

“He’ll come round, I’m sure of it.” Lily says and I shrug. 

“I don’t really care if he does honestly. Peter and I have never been close.” I say with a shrug. 

“Well, you have me now, if you want to be friends.” Lily says and I smile widely. 

“I’d love to be your friend Lily.” I tell her and she smiles moving her hair off her face. 

“Come on, I know somewhere secret.” I say with a smile and Lily nods. The two of us stand up and we leave the Great Hall laughing.


	10. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

**January 4th 1974**

I sit on the edge of the Gryffindor table running a hand through my hair as I wait for Lily to get here from her dorm. I clutch the latest letter off Sirius tightly in my hand, reading the words carefully again as I try to process what the words told me. I bring my knee to my chest resting my head on top of it as I push my glasses up my nose rubbing my face softly. I feel someone set their hand on my shoulder so I look up and see Lily watching me carefully. 

“You okay?” She asks me and I let out a soft sigh, shaking my head. 

"I got another letter off Sirius.” I say softly and she frowns sitting behind me on the table, crossing her legs in front of her body. I spin around and copy her stance as she moves her hair off her face. 

“Okay? What’s happened in this one?” Lily asks and I pass her the parchment. 

“Apparently Regulus came out. And his mother wasn’t happy when she found out I was a Gryffindor.” I say with a slight frown. 

“Oh no.” Lily mutters reading the words on the letter. 

“Has Regulus written to you about it?” Lily asks and I shake my head. 

“No, Walburga has locked him in his room and won’t let him out unless it's to eat. Sirius has tried to get him to open up but he won’t. Sirius thinks he’s reverting to how he was before.” I say and my voice shakes slightly. 

“They come back tomorrow, how about we try to distract you until then? There’s no point worrying about it right now if you can’t fix it.” Lily tells me and I nod. She folds the letter up and sets it into her pocket as I run a hand through my hair. 

“What do you want for your birthday?” I ask her and I see her roll her eyes with a soft smile. 

“Nothing. We’ve been over this Zach.” Lily tells me and I smile. 

“Oh come on, you really think I’m not going to get you something for your birthday? I thought you knew me better than that.” I say feigning hurt causing her to laugh. 

“I’m serious Zach! Nothing. I don’t need anything.” She tells me and I smile but nod. 

“Fine, but we’re doing SOMETHING, that you have no choice in.” I tell her and Lily laughs with a nod. 

“Fine, how about we go to Hogsmeade? We can have fun.” Lily suggests and I nod. 

“Sounds perfect.” I say with a smile and Lily laughs. 

“What about you? What do you want for your birthday?” Lily asks and I roll my eyes. 

“I don’t celebrate my birthday. I haven’t done since I was 8.” I tell her and she frowns. 

“Well, now you will. You need to think about yourself for once Zach, instead of everyone else.” Lily tells me and I nod running a hand through my hair. 

“I know, I know. It’s just hard I guess.” I admit and she nods softly. 

“When is your birthday actually? You never told me.” Lily says and I smile softly. 

“June 27th.” I say with a laugh and she nods. 

“Well then we definitely need to plan something!” Lily tells me and I shrug. 

“Honestly Lil, it’s fine.” I tell her and she shakes her head. 

“Nope, I’m doing it you can’t stop me.” She says and I laugh with a nod. 

“Fine, just don’t tell anyone.” I say and she nods. 

“Fine. It’ll just be us… and my friends… and the boys… and Regulus?” She says and I laugh running a hand through my hair. I smile softly as Lily begins telling me about the half term she was planning with her friends and Severus so I nod listening along. 

“Severus and I were planning on going into London, I’m gonna show him the muggle life.” Lily tells me and I smile as she talks animatedly about the things she was going to take Severus too. 

“Did you know he’s never seen a ferris wheel?” She asks me and I raise my eyebrow. 

“What’s a Ferris wheel?” I ask confused and Lily looks at me in shock. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen one either!” She says and I shrug. 

“It’s a giant wheel that you can go in and it spins, when you get to the top it has an incredible view.” Lily tells me and I nod listening. 

“Honestly that sounds amazing. You’ll have to show me one of these Ferris Wheel’s one day.” I say and she nods rapidly. 

“Definitely! It’ll be amazing.” Lily says and I move my hair off my face as I hear someone walk into the hall. 

“Sirius?” Lily asks looking behind me and I frown turning and seeing him. 

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you.” Sirius says walking over to us and I watch the two of them carefully. 

“You were? Why?” Lily asks confused and Sirius shakes his head. 

“Not you Lil, no offense. Zach.” He says and my eyes widen. 

“W-what? Is everything okay?” I ask and he shakes his head running a hand through his hair. 

“You need to come with me. It’s important.” Sirius tells me seriously and I stand up off the table. 

“You’re scaring me now Sirius. What is going on?” I ask him and he sighs glancing at Lily. 

“It’s about Regulus.” He mutters and I feel my heart break. 

“I-is he okay? Is he here?” I ask my voice cracking. Lily stands up and rests her hand on my back carefully. 

“He’s not here, but I’m worried about him Zach, you’re the only person that can seem to get through to him.” Sirius tells me and I bite my lip. 

“He hasn’t responded to my letters, I haven’t heard from him since he left. Your mother’s been stopping it, remember?” I say and Sirius nods. 

“I know, but you need to come with me, I can get you to him, but we have to be quick.” He tells me and I glance at Lily. 

“Go, be safe. I’ll wait for you in the tower.” Lily says and I nod. She squeezes my hand tightly and I follow Sirius out of the Great Hall into one of the classrooms. 

“How do you expect me to get to him, Sirius, your parents hate me.” I say and he smiles softly. 

“Put this on and stand in the fireplace, next to me.” He tells me and I frown doing so, wrapping the cloth around my body. Sirius grabs a powder substance from a pot and stands beside me. 

“Ready?” He asks and I nod. 

“Yeah.” I mutter. 

“12 Grimmauld Place.” Sirius says, throwing the powder onto the floor of the Fireplace, and green flames encase around us before the two of us are shot from the classroom. We arrive in the large living room of a house covered in black. I see Sirius look around before stepping out of the fire and I follow him carefully. The both of us walk through the corridors of the house, heading upstairs and into Sirius' room. He closes and locks the door behind him and I pull the cloth off my body looking around. 

“Where are we?” I ask him and he sends me a weak smile. 

“Grimmauld Place, my home.” He tells me and I nod looking around the room. The red accents covering the walls, hiding the slivers of green that coated the room, Sirius’ way of rebelling against the Slytherin standard he was raised too. He walks over to the wardrobe and opens the door, pulling everything from it. “Come.” Sirius says and I nod following him as he climbs into the wardrobe knocking on something. 

“ Reg… I have someone to see you.” Sirius calls and I hear a door open. I climb into the wardrobe behind Sirius and follow him as he walks into a room vastly different to his. 

“I told you Sirius, I don’t want to talk.” I hear Regulus say, his voice hoarse. I walk into the room, seeing Regulus lay in his bed, his black hair wild and covering his face, tear marks staining his cheeks. 

“I know, but I think this might change your mind. Open your eyes Reg.” Sirius says and he nods towards me. I see Regulus open his eyes, the dark hues deeper than they normally were. He looks at Sirius before turning his attention to where Sirius was looking, finally seeing me. Regulus sits up in his bed watching me in disbelief. 

“Zach?” He asks and I send him a weak smile. 

“Hey babe.” I mutter softly as Regulus stands up walking over to me. 

“How? How are you here?” Regulus asks me as he touches my cheek softly, as if making sure I wasn’t just a figment of his imagination. 

“Sirius came and got me. He told me something was wrong with you and that you wouldn’t talk to him.” I tell Regulus glancing at Sirius who was watching us softly. 

“You did?” Regulus asks Sirius who nods. 

“We may be on different sides of this argument, but you’re still my brother Reg. I love you.” Sirius tells Regulus who nods, hugging him tightly. I smile softly watching the brothers embrace before Sirius pulls away. 

“I’m gonna leave you two alone. Zach whenever you need to go, just use this.” Sirius says passing me a key. I frown and raise an eyebrow observing the key in my hands. 

“It’s a portkey. I had Remus teach me how to make one, just in case. All you have to do is twist the key clockwise 90 degrees and it’ll take you to the Common Room.” Sirius tells me and I nod, putting the key securely in my pocket. 

“Thank you, Sirius.” I tell him and he nods sending us both a soft smile before walking out of the room, leaving us alone. Once the door shuts behind him I turn my attention back to Regulus who was watching me closely. I walk over and rest my hand on his cheek. 

“What’s going on with you Reg?” I ask softly and I see his eyes fill with tears. He closes his eyes and a tear slowly escapes his eyes, rolling down his cheek, landing on my hand. 

“Baby?” I mutter softly, my eyebrows furrowing slightly. I see his bottom lip shake and he wraps his arms around me, burying his face into my neck. I move my left hand to the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair as I wrap my right arm around his body pulling him into me as he lets a soft sob. I kiss his head softly, closing my eyes and whispering to him. 

“It’s okay. Whatever’s going on we can get through, I promise that.” I mutter to him as he sobs into my neck. I press a gentle kiss to his temple as I stand with him tightly in my arms until he calms down. After several minutes I hear Regulus’ breathing calm down and he pulls away from my neck watching me softly. I give him a soft smile and wipe the tears from his face. 

“Can we just cuddle?” Reg asks and I nod. 

“Whatever you want love.” I tell him softly and he nods. He pulls me over to his bed and I lie down, Regulus rests his head on my chest and I wrap my arms around him pulling him into my body. I feel Regulus slide his hand up my shirt, resting on my side as I lay my head on his. I draw soft patterns with my fingertips over his shirt on his back as he lets out a shaky breath. 

“I came out to my parents.” Regulus tells me and I nod running my hand through his hair. 

“What happened?” I ask softly, not wanting to push him to tell me if he wasn’t comfortable. 

“Mum shouted at me. Told me I was a disappointment.” He tells me and I hear his voice crack again. 

“Oh baby…” I mutter gently, tilting his head to look up at me as his eyes fill with water. 

“You are NOT a disappointment, okay? You didn’t chose to be gay, neither of us did. No matter what happens I love you.” I reinforce to him and he nods softly. 

“Mum is trying to force me into a marriage when I turn 18.” Regulus tells me and I nod softly. 

“I don’t want to marry some stranger Zach.” He says softly as his voice shakes. I nod, rubbing his cheek gently. 

“I know babe, I know.” I whisper to him as he hides his face in my neck again. I rub his back gently closing my eyes tightly. 

“No matter what happens, I love you, okay? No matter what.” I whisper and he nods, kissing my neck softly. 

“I love you too, so much.” Regulus tells me and I smile gently. Regulus sits up to look at me, his right hand moving to my jaw softly caressing my face and I bite my lip watching him as he runs his left hand through his hair. 

“You look so handsome.” I whisper to him and he smiles softly. 

“Even with tear tracks running down my face?” He asks me and I nod. 

“ESPECIALLY with tear tracks down your face. I love you no matter what Reg.” I tell him truthfully and he smiles kissing me softly. I smile gently against his lips, my hands moving to his hips.I feel Regulus tug on my hair slightly as I slide my hand up his shirt resting on his back softly. He sits up softly trailing his hand to my chest pushing me back softly as he straddles my hips. I trail my hands up his shirt as Regulus grabs the collar of my shirt, before moving to the buttons, undoing them softly. 

“Zach you need t- Oh Merlin.” I hear Sirius say and Regulus quickly pulls away looking over at him. I turn my head to see Sirius covering his eyes facing away. 

“Zach you need to go, our mums on her way up here, she’ll kill you if she sees you.” Sirius tells me and Regulus moves off my lap, running a hand through his hair. I stand up, quickly buttoning up my shirt and fixing my hair that Regulus had messed up. 

“Do not say a fucking word.” I tell Sirius as I see the smirk on his face as he moves his hand. 

“I’m not… but you better go. We’ll see you in school tomorrow alright?” Sirius tells me and I nod. I lean over and kiss Regulus softly again before I take the key from my pocket.

“I love you. Be safe.” I tell Regulus before looking at Sirius. 

“Look after him for me, okay?” I tell Sirius and he nods with a smile. I turn the portkey in my hand and close my eyes, feeling myself teleport. I put the key into my pocket as I look around, seeing I was in the Gryffindor common room. I see Lily watching me from besides the fireplace and she smiles softly. 

“Hey, you okay?” she asks and I nod collapsing on the couch besides her, laying my head in her lap like I always did. 

“Why’s your hair a mess?” She asks and I bite my lip. 

“Don’t worry about it.” I say with a laugh. Lily nods confused but drops the topic. 

“Is everything okay?” She asks and I nod. 

“He came out, his mum wasn’t accepting. He just needed me to be there for him.” I tell Lily and she frowns. 

“That sucks. I’m sorry that happened.” She says and I shrug. 

“It’s fine, really. He’s better now, and I told him I’ll see him tomorrow.” I explain and Lily nods. 

“Come on, we better head to the Hall, dinner is ready.” Lily says and I nod standing back up. I let out a soft sigh as I fix my shirt. Reg would be okay. At least, I hoped so.

**January 5th 1974**

I look around the courtyard, seeing students finally arriving, being reunited with each other, a small smile forming on my face. I run a hand through my hair waiting to see Regulus, biting down on my thumb as Lily walks over sitting besides me. 

“You okay?” She asks and I sigh shrugging, messing with my hands. 

“I don’t know. I’m scared.” I admit and she nods. 

“I’m honestly scared he’s gonna revert and not talk to me.” I tell her and Lily offers me a weak smile, glancing at the door. 

“I don’t know if you have to worry too much.” Lily says pointing behind me. I turn and see Regulus looking around, finally seeing me, a wide smile forming on his face as he finally sees me. I smile softly standing up as Regulus walks over wrapping his arms around me tightly. I bury my face into his neck breathing in the scent of his cologne as he hugs me tightly. 

“I love you.” He tells me softly and I smile softly. 

“I love you too.” I mutter against his neck as he presses a soft kiss to my head. I pull away and he cups my cheek, kissing me softly. I smile softly kissing back softly before the two of us pull away. Regulus keeps his arms wrapped around my waist as Sirius walks over with James and Remus, Peter following close behind them. I see Sirius smirking at us and I roll my eyes softly. 

“Glad to see you’re both fully clothed.” Sirius tells us and I feel my cheeks heathen as Regulus slides his hand up my shirt softly. 

“Ha ha.” Regulus says and I smile softly interlocking our hands together. 

“Regulus, Come!” Severus calls Reg and I see him glance at me. I nod softly kissing his cheek. 

“Go, I’ll catch up with you later.” I tell him and he nods. 

“I’ll meet you after dinner?” Regulus asks and I nod. He smiles softly and walks over to Snape. I run a hand through my hair as I sit next to Lily as the boys sit around us. 

“So rolling back to what Sirius said.” James says with a cocked eyebrow. I bite my lip and glare at Sirius jokingly. 

“I told you not to say a word Black.” I tell him and he laughs wrapping his arm around my shoulder. 

“Spill.” James says and I run a hand through my hair. 

“We aren’t going through this. Not around Lily.” I say with a laugh and Lily smiles watching me and Sirius interact. 

“Why not?” Remus asks and I give him a pointed look. 

“Lily is innocent.” I say with a laugh as Lily slaps my arm rolling her eyes. 

“I can handle it.” She says and I shrug, rubbing my face. 

“That’s a yes! I’m telling them!” Sirius shouts and I hide my face in my arms as Sirius stands up at the end of the table. 

“Okay, so I brought Zach to my house to cheer up Reg because of something that happened. I gave them time alone and when I went to tell Zach he had to leave because my mum was on her way, I walked in on Reg straddling his hips and his shirt unbuttoned.” Sirius tells the group and I feel my face heat up drastically. I feel someone pat my back and I look up seeing James watching me with a proud smile. 

“Who knew you had it in you Pettigrew?” He tells me and I shove him. 

“Nothing happened!” I tell them and Remus laughs. 

“Based off the colour of your cheeks I’m gonna have to say if you didn’t get interrupted it may have.” He says and I hide my face again. 

“You’re meant to be on my side Lupin!” I say shoving him, causing him to laugh softly. 

“And I am! It’s just undeniable.” Remus says and I roll my eyes. I rest my head on Lily’s shoulder and she wraps her arm around me. 

“Lily, they're bullying me.” I say with a pout and she laughs. 

“Come on you lot, leave him alone. He’s a boy in love.” lily says and I roll my eyes jokingly before standing up. 

“I need some air, you guys are ridiculous.” I tell them running a hand through my hair. I hear them all laugh as I walk out of the Great Hall, heading down to the lake and sitting next to a large tree. I lean my head back, closing my eyes and letting the wind pass over my face as I let out a deep breath. 

“Hey.” I hear Regulus say so I smile and open my eyes. 

“Hey.” I say as he moves to sit next to me. 

“Are you okay?” He asks me and I nod. He rests his head on mine and interlocks our hands. 

“Are you?” I ask him softly as I kiss his head softly. 

“I am. Mum didn’t say anything to me, dad pulled me aside before we came back and said he loved me no matter what.” Regulus tells me and I nod with a smile. 

“I’m glad your family are majorly supportive besides your mum.” I say and he nods. 

“Who cares what they think. I have you. That’s all I need.” I tell him and I smile softly. 

“Family is important Reg.” I tell him and he sits up watching me. 

“What about you and Peter?” He asks and I sigh running a hand through my hair. 

“It's complicated babe.” I say and he takes my hand interlocking our hands. 

“He’s your family. The only one you have left.” He says and I shrug. 

“Peter and I have never gotten along, ever since I was about 3. I don’t need him, I have you, and I have the boys.” I say and he nods kissing me softly. I smile softly and cup his cheek, kissing back gently. He wraps his arms around my neck and I chuckle softly pulling away and rubbing his cheek gently. 

“Well well. What have we got here?” I hear someone say so I look around. I see Lucius watching us with a smirk on his face as Bella stands next to him. I see Regulus stand up so I stand in front of him. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask Lucius and he smirks. 

“I’ve come to talk to my cousin.” Bella says and I glance at Regulus. 

“We have nothing to talk about Bella.” He says and she smirks softly. Regulus reaches down and takes my hand, holding it tightly whilst I rub my thumb over his palm. 

“We have plenty to talk about. You need to leave.” Lucius tells me and I swallow deeply. 

“He’s not going anywhere.” Regulus says and I shake my head. 

“Reg it’s fine. Be safe, okay?” I whisper to him and he shakes his head. 

“Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Zach.” Regulus says and I glance at him seeing him watching the two carefully. 

“This isn’t business for a Gryffindor blood-traitor.” Lucius says and I shake my head. 

“I’m NOT a blood-traitor.” I hiss and he smirks. 

“Suddenly got a voice have you? Where was this voice in October?” He asks me and I feel Regulus glare between us. 

“October? You mean?” Regulus asks and I nod. 

“Oh yes, your little boyfriends injuries?” Bella says with a smirk. 

“You told me you didn’t do that!” Regulus says and I shake my head. 

“Reg calm down, I’m fine, it’s fine.” I tell him softly and he looks at me. 

“I didn’t believe you… And you were right?” He says and I kiss his jaw softly. 

“It’s okay.” I whisper and he nods resting his head on mine. 

“It seems someone seems to have forgotten his family values. We don’t associate with mudbloods and blood-traitors.” Bella says and I shake my head. 

“Don’t you DARE use that term!” I shout and Bella looks at me shocked. 

“You dare speak to her like that!?” Lucius bellows and I nod. 

“Disrespect me all you’d like, but DO NOT insult and disrespect my friends.” I tell him seriously as he smirks. 

“I guess I’ll have to show you why you don’t insult the house of Black.” Bella tells me and I push Regulus behind me. 

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt him.” Bella says withdrawing her wand. 

“Crucio!” She calls and I feel my body contort. I cry out in pain as I drop to the floor, feeling the burning begin to sear across my body. 

“NO! ZACH!” Regulus calls falling next to me. 

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Regulus calls to Bella who cackles as she continues hexing me. My body contorts into itself as I feel the curses strike my body repeatedly, tearing through my skin. 

“Let him go! I’ll do whatever you want, just leave him alone!” I hear Regulus cry out. I feel my vision start to weaken as the curses finally stop hitting me, the pain still searing through my veins. 

“We’ll talk about this during the summer. Until then baby cousin.” Bella says, apparating out. Lucius smirks at Regulus before walking back to the castle. I feel Regulus cup my cheeks, tilting my head. 

“Zach look at me, keep your eyes on me, you’re okay.” Regulus tells me as his tears hit my face and I try to focus on him. 

“Zach! Regulus!” I hear someone shout as I close my eyes, letting the pain take over.


	11. "How can you love me?"

**January 6th 1974**

I feel my eyes flutter slightly as my fingers twitch between the grasp someone had on me. I open my eyes, feeling the harsh light blinding me slightly so I squint roughly. 

“Zach?” I hear someone say and I hear several people move closer to me. I finally regain my vision and look around seeing the Marauders and Regulus standing surrounding me, with Lily besides them. 

“W-where am I?” I ask moving to sit up before someone sets their hands on my shoulders. 

“Stay still, don’t move.” Lily tells me and I look down seeing the cuts and gashes across my body. I see Madam Pomfrey walk over to me with a soft smile. 

“Mr. Pettigrew, you’re awake.” she says and I nod softly. 

“How long was I out for?” I ask and Regulus kisses my hand softly. 

“22 hours.” He says and I frown. 

“That means lessons should have started, why are you all here?” I ask confused. 

“Regulus wasn’t leaving your side no matter what was threatened at him, and we got here after class.” Lily says and I glance at Regulus seeing the tear tracks on his face. 

“Have you been crying?” I ask him and he laughs softly. 

“Of course I have. My boyfriend was hit by the Crucio curse in front of me and I couldn’t do anything to protect him. And then he’s unconscious for almost 24 hours with nobody able to get to him.” Regulus says and I lift my hand to his cheek rubbing gently, seeing the cuts littering my body. 

“Mr Pettigrew, Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall would like to talk to you when you’re ready about what happened to you.” Madam Pomfrey tells me and I nod. 

“Thank you Professor. I can talk to them now if they’re free.” I explain and she nods walking to the door of the infirmary. 

“We’ll wait outside for you alright?” James says and I nod with a soft smile. The five of them leave and Regulus sits on the side of my bed next to me, interlocking his hands with my carefully, rubbing the back gently. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks me and I shrug. 

“I’m okay. Just in a bit of pain.” I admit and he sighs kissing my hand softly. I see Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall walk over to me offering me a soft smile. 

“Zach, how are you feeling?” Professor McGonagall asks, her scottish accent piercing through the silence. I smile softly and nod. 

“I’m okay Professor. Just adjusting to the pain.” I admit and she nods softly. 

“Mr Pettigrew, do you know who did this to you?” Professor Dumbledore asks and I shake my head. 

“No Professor, I wasn’t facing whoever it was and I didn’t hear anyone. I was standing besides Regulus watching the water.” I explain, seeing Regulus watching me closely, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. 

“Are you sure Zach?” McGonagall asks me and I nod. 

“100% Professor.” I tell her certainly and she nods. 

“If you’re sure. If you have any idea who may have done this please let us know. We want to ensure you’re safe.” She says and I nod softly with a small smile. 

“Thank you Professor.” I say and she nods. Her and Dumbledore thank me before walking away, leaving Regulus and I alone. 

“W-why did you do that? You know it was Bella that did it to you?” Regulus asks confused and I smile softly. 

“I do. And I also know that despite what happens, Bella is your family, she’s important to you.” I tell him and he sighs softly. 

“Zach, she could have killed you.” He tells me firmly and I nod. 

“I know she could have, but she didn’t.” I tell him and he sighs resting his head on mine. 

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Regulus asks me and I nod with a smile. 

“I know.” I mutter kissing him softly. I feel Regulus smile and kiss back gently moving his hand to my cheek rubbing gently. 

“Alright you two, back it up.” I hear Sirius say and I flip him off. Regulus pulls away from the kiss, moving my hair off my face. 

“Shut it Black. I’ve been unconscious for a day, let me kiss my boyfriend.” I say and he smiles softly. Regulus interlocks our hands again softly as the group surrounds us, including Peter who was watching Regulus. 

“You should have protected him.” Peter tells Regulus and I roll my eyes. 

“Peter stop.” I tell him and he shakes his head. 

“If he had protected you, you wouldn’t be here!” Peter says and I shake my head. 

“For fuck sake Peter you don’t get it do you!?” I shout, sitting up, ignoring the pain in my chest. 

“I stood in front of Regulus. I took the curse for him. I made sure he didn’t try to stop it. Because that’s what you do when you’re in love with someone Peter! You wouldn’t know anything about that, or protecting me.” I say as Regulus runs his hand through my hair, pressing a soft kiss to my head. 

“I would take a million Crucio’s and a thousand Avada’s if it meant that Regulus was safe. I don’t care what happens to me. If you can’t accept that, then leave. I don’t want you here. I love Regulus, Pete, even if you fucking hate him. I’m gonna be with him, and I’m done caring about whether my elder brother supported me. I’m done treading on eggshells around you. I needed you Peter, and you failed me. You let me down.” I tell him and he watches me shocked. 

“T-that’s how you feel?” He asks and I nod. 

“I needed my brother, Peter. And you weren’t there. I needed you, I needed SOMEONE! Instead I had to deal with everything alone, it’s why I have trouble opening up to people, it’s why we don’t talk.” I admit as Regulus interlocks our hands. 

“I didn’t know that’s how you felt…” Peter mutters and I shake my head. 

“You wouldn’t do.” I mutter and he sighs. 

“Why don’t we let these two have some time?” James suggests and everyone nods. Regulus leans down and kisses me softly. 

“We’ll be outside okay?” He whispers and I nod giving him a weak smile. The group stand up and walk outside leaving Peter and I alone. 

“I’m sorry…” He mutters and I shake my head. 

“I needed my brother Peter. I needed you, I needed you to tell me everything would be okay. I needed someone to talk too.” I tell him, my eyes filling with tears. 

“I didn’t know how to do that stuff. I should have learnt, I should have helped you with mum and I should have been a better brother to you, I see that now. Seeing how you were with the boys, knowing you were closer to Remus than to me kinda hurt. But I know it was my fault.” He admits and I nod, rubbing my face. 

“I want to be your brother Peter, I really do. But I can’t do that if you keep up the same BS you have been. You don’t have to LIKE Regulus. You don’t have to approve of the fact I’m dating him, but you have to accept it. It won’t change no matter how much you tell me I can’t see him.” I tell him truthfully and he nods. 

“I know that. I guess I thought maybe if you didn’t date him, we could talk.” Peter tells me and I sigh. 

“We can still talk, you can still be my brother. But you have to realise I love him Pete, he’s everything to me. He was there for me when I broke down at 3am because of everything after mum's death. He’s my support system Peter, he’s the reason I get through my panic attacks.” I tell him and he looks up at me. 

"You’re still getting those?” He asks softly and I nod. 

“I get them weekly.” I admit and he sighs running a hand through his hair. 

“This is my fault.” He mutters and I shake my head. 

“It’s fine. But I want my brother back.” I tell him truthfully and he nods with a soft smile. 

“I’ll do better, I promise. And I’ll be less harsh on Regulus.” Peter says and I smile softly. 

“That’s all I’m asking. Also, don’t pay attention to what Sirius says about what happened the other day.” I say with a deep blush. 

“Oh Merlin, ew. I didn’t need to know that about my baby brother.” Peter says covering his face and I smile softly letting out a gentle laugh. 

“I have missed you Pete.” I say and he nods softly. 

“I’ve missed you too.” He tells me and I smile. I see Sirius and James peaking their heads from around the infirmary door, making me roll my eyes. 

“You can come back in, you morons.” I say with a laugh as the other 3 run into the room, stealing chairs. I laugh softly as Regulus and Lily walk over to us. Regulus sits besides me watching Peter cautiously. 

“It’s okay.” I tell Regulus and he looks at me. I nod my head and he smiles softly, kissing my head gently. 

“Are you two okay?” Lily asks and I nod glancing at Peter. 

“We’ll get there.” I say with a smile and he nods smiling in return. 

“I’m sorry, for judging you Regulus. I shouldn’t have.” Peter tells Regulus and he smiles softly. 

“It’s fine, really. You don’t have to like me Peter.” Regulus says and he shakes his head.

“I do, you’re dating my baby brother. You’re kind of the only family he has right now.” Peter admits and Regulus smiles softly watching me. 

“I love you.” I tell him and Regulus smiles rubbing my cheek. 

“I love you too.” He says kissing me softly. I smile softly against his lips before he pulls away and interlocks out hands. 

“So does anyone know how long I’m stuck here for?” I ask the group and Lily chuckles. 

“Until tomorrow, minimum. Madam Pomfrey wants to make sure the Crucio didn’t have any lasting impact, besides the scars. She had to call Doctors from St Mungo’s to check on you.” Lily tells me and I nod. 

“Are you sure you don’t know who did this to you?” Peter asks and I glance at Regulus. 

“It was Bella.” Regulus says and I sigh shaking my head. 

“Lestrange!? Sirius asks and Regulus nods. 

“It wasn’t, he’s lying.” I say and Regulus shakes his head. 

“Baby, I love you, but stop. It was Bella and Lucius stood and watched. She may be my family, but she could have killed you.” Regulus says and I rub my face. 

“You don’t get what you’ve just done.” I mutter, rubbing my face. 

“I’ll hex him!” James says standing up. 

“James, I love how protective you are, but this isn’t a battle you can win!” I tell him and he shakes his head. 

“All 4 of us will go to Lucius. It won’t be a one on one.” Sirius says and I look at Remus. 

“Remus, please. Talk some sense into them. They can’t just go hexing Lucius, he’s a 7th year!” I say to him and he nods. 

“ Why didn’t you tell Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall?” Lily asks me. 

“Zach’s family already don’t like me, purely because I’m a Gryffindor. If I tell people that Bellatrix Lestrange Crucio’d me and got Bella thrown away, Merlin knows what they’d do to Regulus!” I say and Lily nods. 

“Zach, I love you, I really do, but you can’t keep putting things off for me.” Regulus says cupping my cheek. 

“I’ll take a thousand more crucio’s to keep you safe Reg, you know this.” I tell him and he nods resting his head on mine. 

“I mean what I said Zach, you’re not leaving the Common Room without at least one of us. This is the second time you’ve been attacked by Lucius!” Sirius says and I sigh rubbing my face. 

“Fine, but do not do anything. Don’t retaliate. Please.” I beg them and they nod. I nod softly, setting my head back and yawning slightly. 

“We’ll let you get some sleep.” Remus says standing up. 

“We’ll be back tomorrow morning to walk you to the Common Room.” Peter says and I chuckle. 

“I don’t need an entourage.” I say with a smile and Lily glares at me. 

“Stop it, we’ll be here.” Lily tells me and I nod. She kisses my cheek softly before the five of them leave as Regulus sits besides my bed, holding my hand tightly. Once the group has left I turn and see Regulus staring into space. 

“ Baby?” I ask softly. He snaps his attention back to me and smiles softly. 

“Sorry.” He mutters and I shake my head. 

“What’s going on in your head?” I ask him softly and he shakes his head. 

“It’s nothing, honestly.” Regulus explains and I sigh moving over in my bed and patting the spot besides me. He smiles and lies besides me, resting his head on my chest. I wrap my arms around him carefully and rest my head on his. I close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling of Regulus laying in my arms. 

“What if Bella comes back? What if she tries to hurt you again?” Regulus asks softly and I glance down at him. 

“Then we’ll get through it. We’ll work through it. I’m in this for the long run Reg, no matter what.” I tell him truthfully and he nods. 

“Get some rest, love. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Regulus tells me and I smile softly. I lean down and kiss him softly. He smiles against my lips and I pull away cuddling into him. I close my eyes and let his cologne sink into my senses as I finally fall asl eep. 

**January 7th 1974**

I shoot up in bed looking around as I pant roughly. 

“Baby?” Regulus asks sleepily as he sits up, rubbing his eyes. 

“Is everything okay?” He asks me as I rub my face softly trying to calm myself down. 

“Sorry… Go back to sleep.” I mutter gently. Regulus shakes his head, taking my hands softly. 

“What is it?” He asks me and I sigh. 

“Nightmare.” I admit and he nods rubbing my cheek. 

“What happened?” He asks and I look away ashamed. 

“Talk to me Zach, please?” Regulus begs. I bite my lip softly. 

“I s-saw you being tortured, I couldn’t get to you.” I admit, my voice cracking as tears fill my eyes. 

“I kept screaming and screaming trying to get to you but I couldn’t, something was stopping me. You were screaming in pain, covered in blood. I couldn’t get to you, I felt helpless.” I admit and Regulus rubs my cheek softly. 

“I’m still here, I’m okay. I’m not hurt, I’m right by your side okay?” He says and I nod resting my head on his. 

“I couldn’t help you…” I mutter softly as a tear falls from my eyes. 

“Baby I’m okay, I promise you.” Regulus says cupping my cheeks gently. I nod softly, closing my eyes as he wipes my tears off my face. 

“Sorry, I woke you up.” I mutter and he shakes his head. 

“It’s fine honestly. Are you okay? Do you want to talk?” He asks and I shake my head in response. 

“No, I’ll be fine.” I say and Regulus nods letting out a soft sigh. 

“I love you, okay? No matter what happens.” Regulus tells me and I nod giving him a weak smile. 

“I know, I love you too.” I admit. He leans forward and kisses me softly, letting our lips fight for dominance before he pulls away. 

“Come on, let’s try to get back to sleep alright?” He asks and I nod. He lies back down pulling me down with him. I lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist, moving one hand up his shirt slightly. He tangles one hand into my hair, running his hand through it softly as the other rubs my back. I hear him begin humming something I couldn’t figure out before I slowly drift back to sleep. 

I wake up and hear Regulus talking to someone. 

“Is he okay to leave Madam Pomfrey?” Regulus asks. 

“He should be. I just need to make sure his cuts are healing well.” Madam Pomfrey says and I rub my eyes as I sit up. 

“Morning.” I groan out. Regulus turns to me and smiles softly. 

“Morning handsome.” He says and I smile interlocking our hands. 

“I need to check your wounds okay Zach?” Madam Pomfrey asks and I nod sitting up. I lift my shirt over my head and she checks over the cuts making sure they were healing fine and applying another layer of Dittany. I close my eyes tightly as the potion stings the cuts. Regulus kisses my hand softly. 

“It’s okay.” He mutters and I nod. 

“Alright, I’m done. You’re good to go.” Madam Pomfrey tells me and I nod throwing my shirt over my body. Madam Pomfrey walks away as I get out of bed looking for my hoodie. 

“This is probably the wrong time to say this, but you look really hot with your shirt off.” Regulus says and I blush deeply. 

“Thanks babe.” I mutter and he kisses my cheek softly handing me my hoodie. 

“The boys are waiting outside for you. I have to go, but I’ll see you at lunch?” Regulus asks and I nod. 

“I love you, be safe.” I tell him and he nods kissing me softly. 

“I love you.” Regulus says before leaving. I pick my backpack off the chair besides my bed before I walk out of the Infirmary seeing the boys and Lily waiting for me. I offer them soft smiles as Sirius wraps his arm around my shoulder. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks me and I shrug. 

“I’ve been better I guess. Still adjusting to the slight pain I feel from the curse but other than that I’m okay.” I admit and he nods. He removes his arm from my shoulders as Lily interlocks our arms. 

“Look, we gotta get to practice, we’ll see you later?” James asks me and I nod giving them a soft smile. 

“Be safe. Have fun.” I tell them and they nod. James, Sirius and Peter all hea d to the quidditch pitch as Remus, Lily and I head towards the Great Hall. We take our seats and I grab my backpack, taking my parchment and notes out from last year. I run a hand through my hair seeing the cuts littering my hands, letting out a soft sigh. 

“Everything okay?” Lily asks and I shrug. 

“I don’t know.” I admit and the pair set their quills on the table. 

“What’s wrong?” Remus asks and I sigh. 

“It’s stupid.” I say and the two shake their heads. 

“Talk to us.” Lily says and I rub my face softly. 

“I don’t get how Regulus can still want me. I’m covered in cuts that’ll probably scar, I have nightmares, I’m a panic and anxiety ridden mess.” I say and Lily takes my hand softly. 

“That’s not true.” Remus says and I nod my head. 

“Yes it is. I have panic attacks almost daily at this point, and I woke him up last night panting from a horrible nightmare I had and I couldn’t seem to calm myself down. How is he supposed to love me, if I can’t even look after myself.” I ask softly, hiding my face in my hands as tears fill my eyes. I feel someone sit next to me and wrap their arms around me. I feel them pull me into them and I recognise it as Lily. 

“Regulus loves you, that much is clear. He doesn’t seem to care about your anxiety, and I’m sure if the nightmares become an issue he’ll help you get through them, he always seems to. You need to talk to him Zach, he needs to know how you feel.” Lily says and I nod softly. 

“I’ll talk to him later.” I mutter and she nods rubbing my back softly. 

“Sorry.” I mutter and Remus shakes his head. 

“It’s fine honestly. I’m glad you feel safe enough to talk to us.” He admits and I nod offering the two a week smile. 

“Merlin, Lily’s only known me three weeks and I’ve had mental breakdowns basically every week.” I say with a laugh and Lily smiles. 

“I don’t mind, honestly. You look out for your friends and I admire you for that. I mean you stood in front of Regulus taking a Crucio to protect him. I don’t know how many people would do that.” Lily admits and I nod softly giving her a weak smile. She kisses my cheek softly and I smile softly as she moves back to her spot besides Remus. The three of us continue making notes and I run a hand through my hair. After a few hours I let out a soft yawn rubbing my eyes softly as I take my glasses off my face, setting them on the table. I feel someone wrap their arms around my waist so I look around and see Regulus. I offer him a soft smile as he kisses my cheek softly. 

“Hi love.” I mutter softly. He smiles gently and kisses my temple. 

“Hi babe. How are you feeling?” He asks me and I nod softly. 

“I’m okay.” I say hesitantly and he sits besides me facing me, taking my hand and messing with my fingers. He glances at Lily and Remus before looking back at me. 

“You wanna go talk?” He asks and I nod softly. I send Remus and Lily soft smiles and they nod. 

“We’ll see you around okay? Be safe.” Remus says and I nod. I pick my glasses up, setting them back onto my face as Regulus stands up, picking both our bags up. I grab my parchment off the table and take my bag from him. Once I put my belongings away Regulus interlocks our hands and we quickly walk out of the Great Hall. The two of us walk in silence, with only the pattering of our feet hitting the floor and the rain bouncing off the ground in the courtyard to break the silence. We reach the Astronomy Tower soon after and I walk inside, with Regulus following me. He locks the door, casting a protection spell before following me up the spiral staircase. I set my bag down next to the pillar as I lean against the railing, smelling the rain as it falls. Regulus wraps his arms around my waist, sliding his hands up my shirt softly. 

“What’s going on with you babe?” He asks softly and I turn in his arms, sitting back on the railing and rubbing my face softly. 

“How can you love me?” I ask him and I see him furrow his eyebrows. 

“What do you mean?” Regulus asks me, confused. 

“I’m a complete mess. I don’t know how to control my anxiety, I’m clingy, I get panic attacks over simple things, I now get nightmares and I wake you up. I’m littered in cuts that may scar I don’t know. I’m not good looking, there are so many other more attractive people out there that would die for a chance to be with you and instead you chose me? There are literally about 6 people alone begging for a chan-.” I tell him and he bites his lip softly, moving his hand to my cheek, before kissing me, cutting my sentence off. I melt into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck softly. He pulls me closer, moving back towards the pillar. Once his back hits the concrete, I set one hand besides his head holding me up as the other moves to his neck softly. I pull away soon after, panting softly. 

“I don’t WANT anyone else. I don’t NEED anyone else Zach. You have anxiety and nightmares, I know. You are perfect the way you are. Yes, you struggle but everyone does. Seeing the amount of shit you go through, everything you’ve had to deal with alone? I’m not surprised that you struggle, Zach. I love you, all of you.” Regulus says tugging on the ends of my shirt. He pulls it up my chest and over my head, throwing it to the side. He looks down and runs his hand over my chest, outlining all the cuts littering my skin. 

“These cuts? That may scar? I love them. All. You stood in front of me and got CRUCIO’D Zach. You took an unforgivable for me, nobody else would. And you’re not good looking? Are you kidding me? Zach you drive me fucking crazy! You are PERFECT, just the way you are. I love you, I love your body, I love your personality, I love every weird little habit you do that you don’t realise.” Regulus says resting his left hand on my chest, before trailing his right hand to my neck, looking me in the eyes as he talks. 

“You mean that?” I ask softly and he nods. 

“Every single word.” He mutters gently, letting a soft smile form on his face. I smile softly and kiss him passionately. His hands tangle themselves into my hair as I rest my left hand on his hip, gripping tightly and pulling his body into mine as my right hand grips the pillar behind him. I split our lips apart and kiss down his jaw, trailing to his neck softly. I feel Regulus tug my hair softly as he tilts his head, giving me access to more of his neck. I smile softly, biting down softly on the skin, soothing the bites as I hear Regulus let out a soft moan. I bite my lip roughly at the sound, burying my face into his neck and steadying my breath. 

“Zach… Please.” He mutters and I groan, taking both his arms and pinning them above his head as I push him against the wall roughly. 

“You make it SO fucking hard for me to go slow with you.” I mutter truthfully looking into his eyes, letting my own show how I felt. 

“Then don’t.” He whispers, his eyes filled with lust and I shake my head. 

“We can’t.” I mutter softly and Regulus nods.

“We can… you know we can.” Regulus whispers. 

“Reg, we’re only 12. We can’t do that. Not yet.” I whisper and he nods. 

“Fine…” He mutters pouting softly. I smile gently kissing him again softly. I feel Regulus smile into the kiss before I pull away and pick my shirt off the floor. Regulus takes my hands and stops me. 

“Keep the shirt off for a little longer?” He asks me sheepishly and I laugh. I tilt his head slightly and kiss him again, letting my shirt fall to the floor. 

“Fine, but only because you’re cute.” I say with a laugh. Regulus smiles, tangling his hands in my hair as he kisses me softly. I move my hands to his hips, pulling his body into mine as I kiss back.


End file.
